Comments on: Good Girls don’t have sex if… http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html We think there is a serious lack of relevant and useful information about the sexuality of African women. This blog is a space for African women to share tips, experiences and more... Wed, 28 Jul 2010 18:54:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Leslie http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-674 Leslie Thu, 14 May 2009 13:56:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-674 Nana, I love your writings, and i hope to learn a lot from you and especially from the comments. Thanks Nana, I love your writings, and i hope to learn a lot from you and especially from the comments. Thanks

]]> By: Nana http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-635 Nana Thu, 30 Apr 2009 01:23:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-635 @Tagoe - Thank you sooo much. Hmmm, men think about sex more than women? That's the popular notion isn't it. Frankly I don't know if that's a fact or not and if it is backed by 'scientfic' research. I do know that I think and blog about sex a lot and I'm sure a lot of other women do too...Now that I think about it, any research to determine the rate at which we (men and women) think about sex is likely to be distorted. Men are likely to say they think about sex more than they actually do to seem more macho and women are likely to say they think abou sex less than they do in order to seem 'good'<br /><br />@Chrysalis - the sexshop post did not win the popular vote so it might not get written about :) unless I get struck by some inspiration!!! Do please share your knowledge - a guest post perhaps?<br /><br />Nana Darkoa @Tagoe – Thank you sooo much. Hmmm, men think about sex more than women? That’s the popular notion isn’t it. Frankly I don’t know if that’s a fact or not and if it is backed by ‘scientfic’ research. I do know that I think and blog about sex a lot and I’m sure a lot of other women do too…Now that I think about it, any research to determine the rate at which we (men and women) think about sex is likely to be distorted. Men are likely to say they think about sex more than they actually do to seem more macho and women are likely to say they think abou sex less than they do in order to seem ‘good’

@Chrysalis – the sexshop post did not win the popular vote so it might not get written about :) unless I get struck by some inspiration!!! Do please share your knowledge – a guest post perhaps?

Nana Darkoa

]]> By: Chrysalis http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-634 Chrysalis Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:43:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-634 Hey! Can't wait to read your post after your sex shop experience. I've been exloring and studying sex and sexuality (read the Kama Sulta - original text - at 15;-) for over a decade. There are sooooo many toys out there, clamps, plugs, clit kits, pleasure beads, etc etc...<br /><br />Keep up the good work! Hey! Can’t wait to read your post after your sex shop experience. I’ve been exloring and studying sex and sexuality (read the Kama Sulta – original text – at 15;-) for over a decade. There are sooooo many toys out there, clamps, plugs, clit kits, pleasure beads, etc etc…

Keep up the good work!

]]> By: Tagoe http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-633 Tagoe Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:20:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-633 Nana Darkoa I really must commend you for discussing such issues which are usually not seen in these places. I however think that men think more about sex than women do... I could be wrong though. and Abynah personally I think the ppl who go without religion do so for more resons than what you mentioned Nana Darkoa I really must commend you for discussing such issues which are usually not seen in these places. I however think that men think more about sex than women do… I could be wrong though. and Abynah personally I think the ppl who go without religion do so for more resons than what you mentioned

]]> By: Nana http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-632 Nana Tue, 28 Apr 2009 07:33:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-632 @Preachers Wife - I think you have raised an important issue that I did not even think about when I was writing this post - Religion. You are so right, alongside the cow and milk theory (thanks Nana Yaw, we have to trademark this theory as Adventures Intellectual Property)one's faith leads to internal civil war when you are living outside the parameters of that faith. <br /><br />So on response to what to do if you are plagued by guilt everytime you have sex? Stop having sex. I don't think there is a way to reconcile unless you decide to loose your faith.<br /><br />@Nana Yaw - I'm tasking you to work on my intellectual property tights, lol<br /><br />@Darian - no need to apologise - you haven't turned this into a religious forum, I think this is an important issue to discuss.<br /><br />@Abbynah - thank you so much! I absolutely love getting compliments on the blog @Preachers Wife – I think you have raised an important issue that I did not even think about when I was writing this post – Religion. You are so right, alongside the cow and milk theory (thanks Nana Yaw, we have to trademark this theory as Adventures Intellectual Property)one’s faith leads to internal civil war when you are living outside the parameters of that faith.

So on response to what to do if you are plagued by guilt everytime you have sex? Stop having sex. I don’t think there is a way to reconcile unless you decide to loose your faith.

@Nana Yaw – I’m tasking you to work on my intellectual property tights, lol

@Darian – no need to apologise – you haven’t turned this into a religious forum, I think this is an important issue to discuss.

@Abbynah – thank you so much! I absolutely love getting compliments on the blog

]]> By: abbynah http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-630 abbynah Mon, 27 Apr 2009 16:56:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-630 I absolutely love and enjoy this blog Nana Darkoa! Do keep it up.<br /><br />I agree, the idea in general African culture is that good girls don't have sex outside of marriage because then they make themselves seem cheap and any potential husbands will see them as 'used'.<br /><br />Like Preacher's wife said though, I think in Africa, 'good girl' may be more 'religious girl' than anything else. I know Christian girls who have had sex outside of marriage and are worried about what it means for their relationship with God...but somehow that doesn't make them want to stop because again, like Preacher's wife said, it's too beautiful an act for it to be wrong. I would think there's more conflict with religion than society.<br /><br />@Preacher's wife: from a religious perspective, I don't believe there is anyway to re-orient minds without turning your back on the Bible or Qu'ran because re-orienting minds in this case is equal to giving your self a whole new set of beliefs. I guess this is why people prefer to live without religion: it is black and white, right and wrong. There's no in-between, no luke warm. I absolutely love and enjoy this blog Nana Darkoa! Do keep it up.

I agree, the idea in general African culture is that good girls don’t have sex outside of marriage because then they make themselves seem cheap and any potential husbands will see them as ‘used’.

Like Preacher’s wife said though, I think in Africa, ‘good girl’ may be more ‘religious girl’ than anything else. I know Christian girls who have had sex outside of marriage and are worried about what it means for their relationship with God…but somehow that doesn’t make them want to stop because again, like Preacher’s wife said, it’s too beautiful an act for it to be wrong. I would think there’s more conflict with religion than society.

@Preacher’s wife: from a religious perspective, I don’t believe there is anyway to re-orient minds without turning your back on the Bible or Qu’ran because re-orienting minds in this case is equal to giving your self a whole new set of beliefs. I guess this is why people prefer to live without religion: it is black and white, right and wrong. There’s no in-between, no luke warm.

]]> By: Darian http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-629 Darian Mon, 27 Apr 2009 16:41:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-629 Well..... (apologies to Nana for turning this into a religious forum...) I don't think it can be gotten around. the intimate moments with your bf aren't bad, but you aren't married, they are forbidden. that's all. <br /><br />(sorry if i don't seem to be getting it. I can be thick sometimes!!!) no more religious postulating, lol. Well….. (apologies to Nana for turning this into a religious forum…) I don’t think it can be gotten around. the intimate moments with your bf aren’t bad, but you aren’t married, they are forbidden. that’s all.

(sorry if i don’t seem to be getting it. I can be thick sometimes!!!) no more religious postulating, lol.

]]> By: Preacher's wife http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-628 Preacher's wife Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:25:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-628 @ Darian: small clarification. We seem to be saying the same thing. Sex doesn't automatically make one bad. Abstinence (outside of marriage) is only one of 10 commandments etc etc. What I was trying to get at with my first comment is that my religious belief has taught me to classify sex ("fornication") as "bad"/"sin" etc and puts it in the same category as all those other things that make a person "bad" eg stealing, lying, killing etc. This is what my religion tells me.<br /><br />My "personal opinion" tells me that there is a problem with the equation of sex with "bad"/"sin". I love my bf and I can't classify the beautiful, intimate moments we have as "bad." So I am having a religion/personality clash. And I know many (religious) African women in my situation. In what ways can we re-orient our minds to remove the guilt and stigma from sex? Esp for (religious) African women?<br /><br />A sex blog for example? :-D In a nutshell, I am asking the same question as Nana's post, but instead of the "cow-and-milk theory" (loving the phrasing, Nana Yaw), I am asking for opinions on those of us whose motivation is the much deeper issue of religious belief. By the way, kudos Nana for this excellent forum. Your audience is getting larger!<br /><br />Signed,<br />Preacher's wife,<br />on behalf of some of the more prudish/religious (yet freaky) African women out there @ Darian: small clarification. We seem to be saying the same thing. Sex doesn’t automatically make one bad. Abstinence (outside of marriage) is only one of 10 commandments etc etc. What I was trying to get at with my first comment is that my religious belief has taught me to classify sex (“fornication”) as “bad”/”sin” etc and puts it in the same category as all those other things that make a person “bad” eg stealing, lying, killing etc. This is what my religion tells me.

My “personal opinion” tells me that there is a problem with the equation of sex with “bad”/”sin”. I love my bf and I can’t classify the beautiful, intimate moments we have as “bad.” So I am having a religion/personality clash. And I know many (religious) African women in my situation. In what ways can we re-orient our minds to remove the guilt and stigma from sex? Esp for (religious) African women?

A sex blog for example? :-D In a nutshell, I am asking the same question as Nana’s post, but instead of the “cow-and-milk theory” (loving the phrasing, Nana Yaw), I am asking for opinions on those of us whose motivation is the much deeper issue of religious belief. By the way, kudos Nana for this excellent forum. Your audience is getting larger!

Signed,
Preacher’s wife,
on behalf of some of the more prudish/religious (yet freaky) African women out there

]]> By: Nana Yaw Asiedu http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-627 Nana Yaw Asiedu Mon, 27 Apr 2009 07:02:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-627 That's all right, Nana, the cow-and-milk theory is intriguing too! That’s all right, Nana, the cow-and-milk theory is intriguing too!

]]> By: Darian http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-626 Darian Sun, 26 Apr 2009 20:28:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/04/26/good-girls-dont-have-sex-if.html#comment-626 Well,<br />my religious belief says abstinence is ONLY one of the things that makes a good girl. I abstain because i firmly believe in abstinence, but I have other faults. Others don't abstain...but abstinence is only one thing that is forbidden in religion. lots of other stuff make a person bad to0. this whole abstain automatically =good baffles me.n Where does it say if you abstain then you are ONLY good in the Bible? (or Qu'ran, or any other holy book?) What about those who abstain because they are not brave enough to NOT abstain? Or those who abstain simply because they have never had the chance to NOT abstain? Abstinence alone doesn't do anything for anyone. Well,
my religious belief says abstinence is ONLY one of the things that makes a good girl. I abstain because i firmly believe in abstinence, but I have other faults. Others don’t abstain…but abstinence is only one thing that is forbidden in religion. lots of other stuff make a person bad to0. this whole abstain automatically =good baffles me.n Where does it say if you abstain then you are ONLY good in the Bible? (or Qu’ran, or any other holy book?) What about those who abstain because they are not brave enough to NOT abstain? Or those who abstain simply because they have never had the chance to NOT abstain? Abstinence alone doesn’t do anything for anyone.

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