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Things your vibrator will/can never do for/to you

Vibrators (or toys in general) and their use seem to be quite the hot topic on this blog! One viewer’s reaction to my pondering on how my husband would feel if I bought one really struck me. He said something akin to “a vibrator cannot give you emotional support and sex is not just about something filling up your pussy…” or something like that. The only thing I can actually quote verbatim from his ‘contribution’ is the phrase “filling up your pussy”.

But that got me to thinking. The male contributor did make a valid point. There are certain things a vibrator (or any other sex toy) cannot do for you. I’ve made a list of those off the top of my head.

1. A vibrator cannot tell you it loves you.
2. A vibrator cannot give you a hug and whisper affirming words in your ear after sex.

BUT:
1. If you keep your vibrator charged or filled with batteries, it will never run out on you (like your man might).
2. A vibrator will not stop until YOU are satisfied.
3. A vibrator will not cum all over your sheets, or ask if it can cum in your hair after you’ve just had it washed.
4. A vibrator will never cheat on you.
5. A vibrator will be home when you get there.
6. A vibrator will never be with another woman (unless you have a nasty habit of sharing your plastic).
7. A vibrator will never leave the toilet seat up or take a piss on your floor if it missed the bowl.

AND:
1. Although a vibrator cannot love you, it sure can help you love yourself!

Did I miss anything? :)

About the Author

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Published on: 01 May 2009 by in General Issues

has written 126 stories on this site.

10 Comments
  1. Nana says:

    A vibrator can satisfy the physical ache but not the emotional ache…a vibrator can add an extra frisson (aka va va voom) to a loving relationship

    Nana Darkoa

  2. B.O.N.T.I says:

    but u knw da real thing is always better….

  3. BrownAangel says:

    LOL.. I love this post! A vibrator cannot lie to you and lastly a vibrator will not play mind games with you.

    How is the real thing better BONTI? seiously lets not be biased.
    Do you always come with the real thing? No.
    with a vibrator? Yes.
    Question answered.

  4. Esi W. Cleland says:

    vibrators are too cold:)

  5. Abena Gyekye says:

    BrownAangel, I’m with you!

  6. A vibrator cannot give you a warm hug you when you’re cold.
    A vibrator cannot offer you a shoulder to cry on when you’re hurt.
    etc etc

  7. 20Savvy says:

    Hahaha. I love this list!

  8. Shane says:

    A vibrator will never come, then roll over and fall asleep in a post coital stupor, leaving you wanting for your orgasm!

  9. Abena Gyekye says:

    LOLOL!! Shane, that’s brilliant!

  10. Nate says:

    A vibrator cannot plan a romantic weekend for two.
    A vibrator can’t tell you your smile knocks him/it (whatever the gender) of it’s feet.
    Ans you sure as hell cannot have your vibrator as your date to a dinner neither can you take it to the movies (now that would be something!)

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