Comments on: Long Distance Relationships: What’s the Point? http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html We think there is a serious lack of relevant and useful information about the sexuality of African women. This blog is a space for African women to share tips, experiences and more... Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:09:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Ms W http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-2790 Ms W Tue, 28 Jun 2011 18:29:02 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-2790 I'm currently in a LDR. This is the second time in my life. The first was when I was at uni (3 yrs) and it eventually led to marriage. This instance, my Beau was promoted and relocated to Asia. The time zones are a killer and we speak daily but on average only five minutes at a time. We've never had phone sex, and don't s'pose we will. Although he visits at least once a month for a couple of days. I stick at the relationship because we've found something worth working at, and we know this is not a permanent state of affairs. I never allow myself to think about any women he encounters. My folks had a LDR for 12 years, while my Dad worked in the Middle East and my Mum and us were in the UK. It was tough on them but they made it through and are still happily married to this day. They've been married for a total of 36 years and my Dad will never leave my mother's side again. I know from talking to them both now that I'm an adult, the distance made them look at themselves, and what was important to them. Coming back together was tough because they were like two strangers, but they love each other too much not to have found a way. I truly admire their resiliance and commitment to each other. I’m currently in a LDR. This is the second time in my life. The first was when I was at uni (3 yrs) and it eventually led to marriage. This instance, my Beau was promoted and relocated to Asia. The time zones are a killer and we speak daily but on average only five minutes at a time. We’ve never had phone sex, and don’t s’pose we will. Although he visits at least once a month for a couple of days. I stick at the relationship because we’ve found something worth working at, and we know this is not a permanent state of affairs. I never allow myself to think about any women he encounters.

My folks had a LDR for 12 years, while my Dad worked in the Middle East and my Mum and us were in the UK. It was tough on them but they made it through and are still happily married to this day. They’ve been married for a total of 36 years and my Dad will never leave my mother’s side again. I know from talking to them both now that I’m an adult, the distance made them look at themselves, and what was important to them. Coming back together was tough because they were like two strangers, but they love each other too much not to have found a way. I truly admire their resiliance and commitment to each other.

]]> By: Lily http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-2404 Lily Sun, 16 Jan 2011 01:14:38 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-2404 thank you, roots4life. Finally a positive and commited statememt about LDRs. I am having one for 5.5 years now, and yes, they can work. I am so tired of all these pessimistic comments by people who have never had a LDR, assuming they know what people miss or what are the important factors which make a relationship work. Companionship and sex??? Ladies and Gentlemen, we are living in the 21st century and I am willing to bet, video calls were invented for online sex as main reason! :-) No, seriously, I am quite sure, that my (almost) daily skype calls with my SO have more quality than sitting in front of the TV next to a partner, not talking to each other, because I just had a fight about whose turn it is to do the dishes. And: The feel of your SO's fingertips, when on the way 'home' from the airport you are holding hands for the first time after months, can be quite arousing. Don't get me wrong - LDRs often suck - but this constant display of wisdom by people who don't have any experience with it (not to blame them, how should they?) doesn't make it better, doesn't make us feel better nor provides any solution. Sorry for my crappy English (I am not native) and all the best - Lily thank you, roots4life. Finally a positive and commited statememt about LDRs. I am having one for 5.5 years now, and yes, they can work. I am so tired of all these pessimistic comments by people who have never had a LDR, assuming they know what people miss or what are the important factors which make a relationship work. Companionship and sex??? Ladies and Gentlemen, we are living in the 21st century and I am willing to bet, video calls were invented for online sex as main reason! :-)
No, seriously, I am quite sure, that my (almost) daily skype calls with my SO have more quality than sitting in front of the TV next to a partner, not talking to each other, because I just had a fight about whose turn it is to do the dishes. And: The feel of your SO’s fingertips, when on the way ‘home’ from the airport you are holding hands for the first time after months, can be quite arousing.

Don’t get me wrong – LDRs often suck – but this constant display of wisdom by people who don’t have any experience with it (not to blame them, how should they?) doesn’t make it better, doesn’t make us feel better nor provides any solution.

Sorry for my crappy English (I am not native) and all the best – Lily

]]> By: jackie http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-2355 jackie Thu, 23 Dec 2010 11:27:19 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-2355 every relationship its WORK ,not only long distance one ..relationships are constantly work if u wanna keep it for long ...long distance are not always bad as people think ,it has psoitive sides as well ,but its definately not for unfaithful partners and unhonesty people .... every relationship its WORK ,not only long distance one ..relationships are constantly work if u wanna keep it for long …long distance are not always bad as people think ,it has psoitive sides as well ,but its definately not for unfaithful partners and unhonesty people ….

]]> By: roots4life http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-2295 roots4life Fri, 29 Oct 2010 14:59:01 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-2295 I am in a long distance relationship now. Actually it has been like that since we married in 2003. I will not choose another woman. I have not gone for a "deputy" and will never do. It does not always work, but I want this one to work and it is so far. Please do not look at this as an unworkable concept. It can be a reality for a consenting honest couple. I am in a long distance relationship now. Actually it has been like that since we married in 2003. I will not choose another woman. I have not gone for a “deputy” and will never do. It does not always work, but I want this one to work and it is so far. Please do not look at this as an unworkable concept. It can be a reality for a consenting honest couple.

]]> By: Nana Darkoa http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-2061 Nana Darkoa Tue, 27 Jul 2010 14:27:36 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-2061 @Cece - I'm really touched by your comment. I think there is no way around it - you just have to sit down with your man and be totally honest about how you feel. I am sure he also feels some of what you are feeling. Its better to clear the air so you know how to move on - whether you move on with him in your life or not. I'm wishing you all the best. Do let me know how it goes. Hugs, Nana @Cece – I’m really touched by your comment. I think there is no way around it – you just have to sit down with your man and be totally honest about how you feel. I am sure he also feels some of what you are feeling. Its better to clear the air so you know how to move on – whether you move on with him in your life or not. I’m wishing you all the best. Do let me know how it goes. Hugs, Nana

]]> By: Cece http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-2052 Cece Mon, 26 Jul 2010 02:47:22 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-2052 I fell i love with the boy(MAN) next door and the next thing I knew he moved across the state (TEXAS). He assured me over and over before he left that people do this all the time, (LDR) military and career couples alike, and said nothing would change. NOTHING. Due to the pressures of his present job our communication has gone from 30mph to 2. He also had a room mate that had me wanting to hang up during our conversations as he would constantly barge in on my bf and interrupt us, making us both exasperated. He has alot on his plate, I must say this is evident, however there have been a few misunderstandings during our conversations which have led to a huge change on his part, and it's more than obvious. He has been through this before(LDR) and his ex just weened him from the relationship ( spoke less and less) until it was over. I guess she felt he would do the breaking up in order for her to come out smelling like a rose. I will see him this weekend but I am clueless as to what will happen next. Im still where we were before he left...and I'm not sure if that's where he is anymore. He's very short with me, not loving anymore and just doesnt feel interested in me. I think he feels obligated at this point. I would love to be able to talk to him about it, but he always seems so annoyed, so I just small talk because everything else seems criticized. How does one decipher between hanging in there during a bad time of someone else's life or being pushed away? I'm a loyal woman with my heart in the right place. I feel that you stick by the people that you love unconditionally. I also feel that making sacrifices are things you do when you love someone, and so I am. I just hope that it won't turn around and bite me. I don't think that I could handle that right now. It's taken alot for me to open and trust 100%. And I have completely. I hold in alot. I fell i love with the boy(MAN) next door and the next thing I knew he moved across the state (TEXAS).
He assured me over and over before he left that people do this all the time, (LDR) military and career couples alike, and said nothing would change. NOTHING.
Due to the pressures of his present job our communication has gone from 30mph to 2. He also had a room mate that had me wanting to hang up during our conversations as he would constantly barge in on my bf and interrupt us, making us both exasperated.
He has alot on his plate, I must say this is evident, however there have been a few misunderstandings during our conversations which have led to a huge change on his part, and it’s more than obvious.
He has been through this before(LDR) and his ex just weened him from the relationship ( spoke less and less) until it was over. I guess she felt he would do the breaking up in order for her to come out smelling like a rose.
I will see him this weekend but I am clueless as to what will happen next. Im still where we were before he left…and I’m not sure if that’s where he is anymore. He’s very short with me, not loving anymore and just doesnt feel interested in me. I think he feels obligated at this point. I would love to be able to talk to him about it, but he always seems so annoyed, so I just small talk because everything else seems criticized.
How does one decipher between hanging in there during a bad time of someone else’s life or being pushed away?
I’m a loyal woman with my heart in the right place. I feel that you stick by the people that you love unconditionally. I also feel that making sacrifices are things you do when you love someone, and so I am. I just hope that it won’t turn around and bite me. I don’t think that I could handle that right now. It’s taken alot for me to open and trust 100%. And I have completely. I hold in alot.

]]> By: Abena http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-1934 Abena Mon, 07 Jun 2010 11:36:14 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-1934 I have always wanted a LDR, it gives u ur space and buids the relationship however its a risk. My ex who lived in Gh. could not bear the distance, we brokeup in 2006 he got married just last month, my next LDR lasted for 4 months he also got married in Jan this year. Am in another LDR , there was no cheating in any of these relationships, we all had our space and it gave me the chance to concentrate on my studies. A man does not only cheat when there's distance, LDR builds ur trust and love for each other. I have always wanted a LDR, it gives u ur space and buids the relationship however its a risk. My ex who lived in Gh. could not bear the distance, we brokeup in 2006 he got married just last month, my next LDR lasted for 4 months he also got married in Jan this year. Am in another LDR , there was no cheating in any of these relationships, we all had our space and it gave me the chance to concentrate on my studies.
A man does not only cheat when there’s distance,
LDR builds ur trust and love for each other.

]]> By: Bobbie http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-1921 Bobbie Thu, 03 Jun 2010 04:45:00 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-1921 I am going to be doing LDR soon and I am dreading it... dunno if I can hold up(no I am not going to cheat on him but I am just not sure how long I can go for without seeing him for months at a time). But my man is a great guy though. We shall see I suppose... I am going to be doing LDR soon and I am dreading it… dunno if I can hold up(no I am not going to cheat on him but I am just not sure how long I can go for without seeing him for months at a time). But my man is a great guy though. We shall see I suppose…

]]> By: Naomi http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-1476 Naomi Tue, 12 Jan 2010 21:24:19 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-1476 I have been in a LDR for almost a year. I thought our love was stronger than the distance. Boy was I wrong. It was just soo hard to trust that my man was not cheating on me and vice versa. We would talk and email freqently in the beginning but later we grew apart. When we saw each other however, it was so awesome to see each other and it was like we had fallen back in love. But its FRUSTRATING..Wouldn't do it again. We broke up cuz we cudnt handle the distance. Funny though, cuz we both still love each other and are not dating anyone else. Good luck to those who want to try it... I have been in a LDR for almost a year. I thought our love was stronger than the distance. Boy was I wrong. It was just soo hard to trust that my man was not cheating on me and vice versa. We would talk and email freqently in the beginning but later we grew apart. When we saw each other however, it was so awesome to see each other and it was like we had fallen back in love. But its FRUSTRATING..Wouldn’t do it again. We broke up cuz we cudnt handle the distance. Funny though, cuz we both still love each other and are not dating anyone else. Good luck to those who want to try it…

]]> By: Nana http://adventuresfrom.com/2009/07/11/long-distance-relationships-whats-the-point.html#comment-1117 Nana Sat, 05 Sep 2009 17:20:23 +0000 http://adventuresfrom.com/?p=216#comment-1117 @Yanfo - You reckon? @Yanfo – You reckon?

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