Guest Contributor Ms A: Can a ‘buddy’ be just that?

Lately I’ve been experiencing miscommunication. My mind and my body are tuned into different channels. I’ve made up my mind that I do not want a relationship. I’ve just left one. It’s been painful and heartbreaking, and I’m not ready to open myself up to someone else right now or in the immediate future. But my body is craving the attention of a man. It wants to be made love to, to feel the pleasure of having someone close to it through the night. The solution? Get a bed buddy. Now regulars to this blog know that Nana is all in favour of the buddy system, but a newbie such as me is not so sure.

But when it became clear to me that I missed sex a lot, I warmed up to the buddy idea. The concept is that you and another come to an understanding that you will meet (at an appointed time) to have mind-blowing, mutually beneficial, consensual sex. But without the boyfriend-girlfriend scenario. This isn’t about love, prospect of marriage, this in effect is a contractual agreement between two single adults that are sexually attracted to each other but because of lifestyle, or other reasons, a relationship is not viable for them. Great! Very adult. Very business like, devoid of all emotion. Unfortunately, we forget that we are human and we are full of emotion and no matter how hard we try emotions do creep in. If you spend your nights grinding with someone, sharing your most intimate desires and they return the favour, it’s hard not to feel some ‘thing’ for them.

Now I’ve been seeing my buddy for a couple of months. I’ve always been clear about the deal and he knows a relationship is out of the question. I thought no strings attached sex was the ideal for most men, especially when the man in question is 24 and a struggling student. But while I’ve been hooked on the sex, to what we do, he has become hooked on me. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like him, but I’m not in love, yet he believes he is and wants me to consider a relationship with him. Now the fact that there’s a seven year age gap, with me being the older, two kids in the mix and the reality that he is not yet economically established, a relationship is not possible as far as I’m concerned. We are at completely different stages in our lives. Also, let’s not forget that I’m still not ready for a proper relationship.

So, what should I do? Continue repeating myself in the hope that he’ll be happy with the sweet deal he already has or gently wean him off for his own benefit?