What happens when love goes sour?

I think naturally humans were not created to get used to the same environment or condition. Over time, I just think it is normal to get fed up with someone or something!! C’est la vie

When Love goes sour, Life goes on.

wow i’m so there… it’s like i wrote this post

When love goes sour & you start wondering “what did I see in him/her anyway” and can not come up with a long list, then it is time to keep on moving. When you come up with a long list, re-evaluate since it is possible that the sour moment will pass.

I like that you said a person wakes up one day to find that things have changed. I’m not sure that you meant it in the way that i’d like to treat it but oblige me for a second. People wake up from sleep. From dreams. From stupors. From death. So if you wake up one day and realise things have changed, it does not mean the change just happened all of a sudden. It means it had been happening for a while but you did not pay attention to the little signs. Perhaps because you were sleeping, or dreaming, or distracted. People don’t just wake up and fall out of love. They fall out of love over time, slowly. a little every day until one day, they find, there is very little left.

Love is work. I’ll supply the analogy of weight loss and weight gain. You do not just wake up one day to find you’re obese. In the same way you do not just wake up one day to find you have six pack abs. Getting to any of these extreme states happens slowly over time. You six pack abs by working out over long periods of time. Then one day, presto! You’re there. Similarly, you eat a bagel too much today, too big a scoop of ice-cream another day, a big mac next day and then one day, you realise, you’re obese. Unfortunately people do not pay attention to the little signs.

So coming back to love…you don’t just fall out of love if you’re talking and working through things from the beginning. I guess i’ve given you my take on “how love goes sour”.

As to your actual question…what happens when love goes sour…well, you can revive it if both of you are willing. And if both of you recognise that love takes work. Regardless of who you’re with. It will take work with your next partner. Love isn’t something that just miraculously grows and develops by itself. The kind of love that gets better over time…needs to be fueled.

@Edward – C’est la vie? peut être

@Nana Kofi – Wow, definitely wasn’t expecting such a cut and dried response from you

@Anon – Glad to know this resonated with you

@Mike – Thanks for the tip. I have always felt though that when you get to the stage where you start listing pros and cons then you are already in major difficulties…

@Maameous – You’re so right, one definitely doesn’t fall out of love overnight. I love the weight loss/weight gain analogy. I think a part of me is actually too much of a romantic, and I don’t like the idea of working at love (although I recognise that you have to do it). I like love to flow effortlessly…unrealistic, right?

So I agree that when it goes sour, life goes on, but on to what? I think nearly everyone (Maameous and Anon not included) has been really flippant about this. If it’s a marriage what then, divorce? That’s a massive thing, should you not work at it? Love is not always easy like Maameous said love is bloody hard work, no?

I think the issue of love going sour is a function of 2 things:

1.) Love was not actually love, i.e. it was lust or infatuation or pride (as in see my chick/guy), or it was settling for just anyone in that i must marry/i must be in a relationship sort of way.

2.) People thinking love is enough to sustain a relationship. It’s not. There has to be a conscious effort to communicate, and make an effort to keep things fresh, and be understanding and sometimes putting aside pride to apologize and all the difficult things. And its the love you have that should make you want to do these things, because you have to do them; love alone is not enough, it needs nourishment, because of course it will go sour and die.

If you’ve added marriage and children into the mix, then it becomes all the more important to work on these things. A lot of long-term relationships I think get stale because partner see things going south and are in such a rut that they can’t be bothered to fix it, until its too late and there’s nothing left to fix. So sad and depressing to think about…

when love goes sour, its the most difficult time of your life. I have my share of love gone sour in 2009. A girl I dated for 3yrs suddenly realised that we couldnt go on with our wedding plans. Have grown to know this lady and she feels like a part of me. She showed me an entirely new part of her I had never seen before. Am trying to take my mind off it, and maybe make friends. Ultimately, life continues!