Comments on: Guest Contributor Mike: ‘She’s Just Not That Great In Bed’

By: Res

Res — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 00:58:11 +0000

She probably asked you because someone else already told her the truth. It was noble of you to spare her feelings though.

By: Mike

Mike — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 23:53:11 +0000

@ Kinkidi
1. Good women are very easy to find & keep.
2. I run things this way so that divorce will not be an option when I get married. For that to become a reality, I’m checking all points I possible can before promising till death do us part. I’ll take whatever happens beyond my control after marriage in stride. No suicide & no divorce.
I don’t have all the answers but I’m making the most of info at-hand in my selection. I solve problems better when I am convinced I made the right choice at the onset.

@ AbenaGyekye: Congratulations. I was going to ask for an invite to the outdooring but your pastor might read this and douse me in holy water . You are right; sex can be fixed. We tried but it didn’t get fixed to my satisfaction. She knows we tried. My fault there was that I exaggerated the positive re-enforcement. I believed it would get better so I encouraged her even when progress was flat-lining. I’m happy that you and BrownEyedP said “most” people are teachable.
I aint God’s gift to women so she could have been faking but I haven’t met a very good actress yet. Met 2 fakers in my life though. You don’t have to wonder how that went. I’m too generous to hold on to someone I can’t please since there are millions of men that could. There are tells in a real orgasm but one of my regrets in life has some woman’s name on it. I thought she was a faker but found out after we split that she wasn’t. My radar wasn’t that accurate.

By: Kofi Ametewee

Kofi Ametewee — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 22:11:24 +0000

@AbenaG: I feel your anguish, but women have a role to play in all of this. If they didn’t fake orgasms, we wouldn’t be walking around with the ego inflation that consigns relationships to the dust pile at the merest hint of non-conformance to the imagined ideal. So, ladies, be truthful with us laddies, we can take it!

By: AbenaGyekye

AbenaGyekye — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 13:53:10 +0000

I dunno, but I’m a little sad with this post! Maybe it’s the post-partum in me. The post was brilliantly written and brutally honest, but I guess what makes me sad is the reality of it all. You had a beautiful, successful, flirtatious lady (who obviously had wit and intelligence), but because she wan’t a freak in bed you were an ass to her and caused your break up? The sad reality of Mike’s shared experience in that this happens more often in “modern” relationships than not: No matter how successful/good looking you are, and man will dump you for something as trivial as sex. Bad sex can be fixed with a good book, and/or good communication. What a novel idea!

I agree with BrownEyedP. Most people are teachable, and it’s up to the pair of you to share what really works. Who’s to say she also wasn’t acting in bed and YOU aren’t the amazing plumber you think you are? 70% of all women confess to faking orgasms. You’re girl had a high probability of being in that number. I’m not trying to diss you or anything, it just sounds like you let go of a good thing for no good reason, particularly when amazing relationships are so hard to come by these days.

I’ve also added my 2 pesewas to the susu.

By: kinkidi

kinkidi — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:58:36 +0000

Mike, I admire your honesty and cadence even though it doesn’t do much for my fears. I am neither shrink nor expert but if I may ask?

1. Have you found a better replacement for her yet?

2. There are a number of times when the most agile nymphomaniac slows down or halts completely. Health, child birth, stress, hormonal plays etc are a few that come to mind. If due to any of the above listed developments your new woman can no longer have sex with you for a while, will it drive you to get it elsewhere or get a divorce or commit suicide?

By: Mike

Mike — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 16:21:38 +0000

Kofi, you are probably more educated in psych than I am so I won’t dismiss your take though it is based on this short post.
If I don’t look out for ME and what I want, who will? Call it selfish or any other name, it still doesnt bother me because I know what will give me long term problems and I’d rather say No, Thanks now than cause bigger pain later.
I have a very very short list of what I absolutely need of a woman, and it is too short to ever make changes. It does NOT include her height, weight, complexion, carreer, cup size, education, ability to cook & clean. Well, maybe I should share the short list instead because the things I don’t care about plenty paaaaa. Sex must be like fireworks both ways, must have a sense of humor, trustworthy, capable of bringing money to the table and not scared to live life.
When men cheat on women, majority(if not all) of the time, sex is involved or intended. That cliche “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” certainly doesn’t apply to me. Even when men and women are just friends, the sex always gets in the way. I looked within and figured that for me to have a fulfilling divorce-free marriage, I’ll have to keep God & happy banging as top priorities.
BTW, can you prescribe some percocet & zoloft for me based on your diagnosis?

By: Kofi Ametewee

Kofi Ametewee — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 23:09:06 +0000

as usual, my take is slightly contrarian. it wasn’t about her, it was about you! your needs, not hers. the failure to articulate your need for occasional dominance – perhaps she could have spanked you too – harks back to an incomplete separation from your mother. we are not talking cold fish here, she sounds like she was ninety-five percent there, your fixation on the missing five percent is telling. this pattern will repeat itself with other women, not in the same way, because it isn’t about sex, it goes deeper than that. Other women’s faults will be subtler, more nuanced, but they will be there and they will make you dissatisfied until you come to grips with this issue.

By: Mike

Mike — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 06:56:43 +0000

@ Stallion. I mean Kinkidi; Glad you joined the discussion. I certainly did miss her when we split up because she was a wonderful partner however, life goes on. If I’m with a woman and neither of us can cook or clean, we can get someone to do that for us. I don’t think she’d be OK with me outsourcing sex the few times when I need to be taken care of.
Sex is a big deal for me and there is very little I can compromise on in that department. I therefore feel I did both of us a favor by ending the relationship now than later.

@ Nana; I appreciate the opportunity. I enjoy the education & entertainment you & Abena serve here.

By: Nana Darkoa

Nana Darkoa — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 23:03:50 +0000

@ Mike – Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I really appreciate the contribution. Now to the issue at hand:

I think the whole issue of being freaky and taking control in the bedroom can be challenging for a lot of women. Afterall the focus when we are younger is on being good girls (for some this focus is not just in their youth) and our sex education (or mis education) focuses merely on abstinence. So how then do you go from being a virgin to a whore in the bedroom, whilst remaining a lady outside the bedroom? There is a disconnect somewhere.

There is a lot of unlearning that women have to do in order to take charge of their own sexuality and that unlearning is not easy – women need the support and encouragement of their partners to go through this.

On the other hand I think porn has given a lot of men unrealistic expectations of women and sex. People watch these movies where these women are in the most grotesque, impossible to get into positons and yet are screaming with pleasure and unconsciously start to associate images like this with ‘good sex’.

I think this is my additional 2 pesewas towards your ice cold fanta

By: Kinkidi

Kinkidi — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 18:49:26 +0000

We all love to be taken care of sometimes. I wonder if your ex came back to ask you the question of how good she was in bed because she’d recently dated or is dating a blunter man.

I am a horse of a lover. Lazy…. but strong. What it means is, just like Mike, reciprocity is a virtue I admire.

Mike, I however have to add that, I think you made a very fine and caring woman walk away because you were a spoilt coward who couldn’t let the old times he’d had with some assertive women go.

I don’t know what you’ve ended up with now but I bet you miss your ex for her many other virtues.