When Bad Sex is Ruining Your Marriage

Recently, one of our readers (Naa) mentioned in a comment that she has been enduring what I consider a HORRIBLE ordeal for the last 11 years. Her husband, who I assume she has been committed and faithful to (she didn’t indicate that she has cheated on him), performs very poorly in the sack. Specifically, he is prone to premature ejaculation and has been for the duration of their marriage.

Now, what one person deems as “premature” ejaculation is subject to experience and preference in my opinion. It can range from cumming before there is any insertion at all (which has been my sad experience) to lasting only a few strokes once there is pelvic-to-pelvic contact. For some women, if a man cannot run on for 20 minutes of continuous ‘stroking’, he’s a poor performer in bed. I highly doubt that this is Naa’s problem. 20 minutes is an absurd amount of time to ‘take it’.

One piece of advice that  Kofi Ametewee, who is a male reader, gave in response to the aforementioned post is that as a society, Ghanaians tend to focus too heavily on genital-to-genital contact. There are a myriad of ways to please your partner in bed. Sexual satisfaction for both can be achieved very easily with a few lessons, some books/videos, an open mind and trying new things. You can read several pages on this blog to find out what those might be. For this purposes of this entry though, I want to focus on something she said that was very worrying. BECAUSE the sex she’s having is so bad, her marriage is on the brink. Guys, for a woman to make this statement means there is a serious, serious problem going on in his briefs.

As a whole, women do not tend to get married to have access to regular sex. It’s a perk, absolutely, but what we look for in marriage is far more encompassing. We’re looking for companionship, a partnership and security (financial and/or emotional). I would highly encourage Naa (the 11 year sojourner), and any other woman who feels that awful sex is taking their marriage to the brink to sit down with their partner and honestly re-evaluate why they got married in the first place. Like any other relationship, marriages evolve over time. People change, but that doesn’t mean you have to grow apart from the person you’re married to. Rediscover what was so wonderful about the man/woman you married, outside of sex. Perhaps there are stresses in your partners daily activity that make him ineffective in bed? Perhaps he is worried about work and/or money to provide for the household? Or worse, perhaps he is so delusional that he believes the few quick strokes he is offering you in the sheets are more than adequate. Some men sincerely do not know how abysmal they are as lovers, and the only way to let them know is not to spare their feelings, but to firmly (but gently) let him know he is not satisfying you WHAT-SO-EVER.

So to Naa, and any other woman carrying this load of dissatisfaction around on her head, take heart. You and your partner can save your marriage. You might even benefit from talking to some old ladies in your family/community. Heaven knows they’ve lived long enough to have had good and bad sex and how to get good sex more often…And once most women reach a certain age, they are not shy to tell you about it.