Home General Issues When Love Turns Violent. But Wait, Is It Really Love?

When Love Turns Violent. But Wait, Is It Really Love?

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I was parking in front of the house gates when out of the corner of my eye I saw a man run up to a woman and grab something off her. I thought to myself “Am I witnessing a robbery at 9pm?” “Give me my phone” she started yelling. I got out of my car and started screaming, “Stop it! What are you doing? Shame!” He was holding her by the shoulders and shaking her like a rag doll…she crumbled to the floor and started sobbing. Big, huge, racking sobs…no one was doing anything. The security staff of the house next door were still standing guard over the house they’re meant to protect. I called my Mum on my mobile and said “Mum, I’m across the road, there is a fight going on, send Kwakye” and hung up.

She was still sobbing and sitting in a crumbled heap on the side of the road and he was now trying to lift her up by the shoulders. “Why are you hitting her”? “I am not hitting her” he retorted. “I saw you hit her. You don’t hit women” I responded. I tried to pull her up “Stand up, where you are is dangerous. A car could come and hit you”. “Let it hit me” she said. I started rubbing her shoulder “Its okay, stand up”. “Who are you to her” I asked him. “I am her fiancé”. “Give me my purse and mobile,” she screamed, “I bought it with my own money”, “Ehhhh, today you bought it with your own money”.

There were words flying back and forth. “What were you doing here with G… and his friends”, he said. “The two of you should leave me alone” she responded. “Ehhhh, so you admit that there are two of us,” he said. “Okay I am coming” he said, and walked away.

Where do you live” I asked her. He was standing some distance from us at this time and was on the phone. “Community 9” she responded. “Let me take you home”, “I need my mobile and purse. He can keep my mobile but I need my purse”. He is at this moment standing in the dark and I really do not fancy walking into the darkness to confront Mister on his phone. At least where we are standing is relatively well lit. “Okay lets wait here for a bit. If he doesn’t come back soon I will go and get your phone and purse for you”. Eventually he walks back to us. “Sir, please give her purse and mobile to her so she can go home”. “I will take her home myself”. “I won’t go anywhere with you” she screams.

I proceed to try and reason with him and before I know it she has hailed a taxi, jumped in and “Drive, drive, drive” she says to the taxi driver. Phew its over I think but oh no, now he wants to tell me his side of the story. So I listen…

P.S: This is not fiction.

8 COMMENTS

  1. Women like that always come to me intending to leave such relationships if married. Sadly only a few actually go through to the end. Some come fresh after the abuse. Later they succumb to the sweet talking abuser and then fizzle away back into the same relationship. As a lawyer i have realised that laws alone cannot deal with domestic violence. Attitudinal training of children and youth will possibly save the situation.

  2. Most people turn a blind eye to abuse. The guard did not help probably because he might lose his job and be told it is none of his business. It was so brave of you to go to her aid even though she was so clearly ungrateful, running off like that.
    But as there are two sides to a story, let’s hear his- though that is no excuse to treat her like that.

  3. @Abena – Language my dear 🙂

    @Nikoi – Wow this must be your first ever comment so the ‘str’ worked…or are you one of the lurkers who reads and never comments 🙂

    @roots4life – I so agree with you that laws alone cannot change domestic violence. The change needs to come from a change in society in how we raise children and the messages we perpetuate around masculinity and femininity

    @Kobby – And there i thought I had tried a nice creative technique 🙂

    @Aba – In a way I was glad she run off because she removed herself from the situation. She was in quite an emotional state so i don’t think she was thinking of gratitude or ingratitude. In any case I wasn’t expecting any gratitude. Its just not in my personality to be an observer

    @All who want to hear his side of the story – I didn’t tell his side of the story because I wasn’t really interested in it. As far as I was concerned there was no excuse for shaking your fiancee violently and taking her purse/mobile and refusing to give it back. In the space when he walked away from us (when he said i’m coming) she told me that “This is not the first time he has embarassed me like this”. His side of the story in a nutshell was “This is not how I normally am”. It appears he had heard she was at a bar with a former boyfriend so came in a taxi to “catch” them. When the girl saw him she fled … the other thing that he said which confused me even further was “I tell her things I don’t even tell my wife” so in my head I was like “Ahhh so upon all this you are married but I thought you said she was your girlfriend????”. By this time I just wanted to leave but in a “nice” way so I was like “Okay you need to advice yourself. Don’t follow her home and don’t hit women”. Oh and he had tears in his eyes whilst he was speaking to me and said “I don’t want to cry” but I didn’t feel any sympathy.

    End of my first foray into GH/NG film making

  4. One of the many reasons why ghana is fucked up… security guards watching this happen would probably have been in trouble in the States when the news crew showed up and said, “standing right in front of the Heritability Mansions when the assault was taking place were the …

    guy, married, feels he owns very woman he’s bought a mobile phone for, woman knows he’s married, probably controlling, yet steps out with his friend. Suicide wish?

    I execrate violence in any form, nothing excuses it.

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