We think there is a serious lack of relevant and useful information about the sexuality of African women. This blog is a space for African women to share tips, experiences and more...

How can you tell when a woman orgasms?

A few weeks ago one of the regular ‘commenters’ on this blog brought my attention to a particular conundrum. How can a man tell if a woman’s had an orgasm? Short of asking her of course which can sometimes come across as a bit gauche. True, I thought, ‘how can a man tell if a woman has climaxed?’, not everyone comes loudly (in fact I’m willing to bet that the majority of women come fairly quietly). This question then made me think ‘What if all the times I have not ‘cum’ the guy hasn’t been able to figure it out which is why he doesn’t do anything about it?’. Oh my goodness, that’s a horrible thought, it almost makes it my fault when I don’t experience an orgasm during intercourse. (I can hear some of you at this point saying there should be no fault attributed. Yeah, yeah, whatever!)

But the question of how do you know when a woman cums has been running through my mind, and of course everyone cums differently. There are some women who cum screaming like banshees – they curse, they swear, they moan and you just might have to cover their mouths to prevent the neighbours from hearing…but these women are not the subject of this post. The other women are…women like me who for the most part cum without any porn star theatrics (unless of course you have found some magical way to really and truly rock my world), who at the critical point moan, whimper and exhale…sometimes accompanied by a little smile. If I’m not smiling then I definitely did not cum. But sometimes I have these half cums (which are so frustrating) which release a little tension but not all the tension, so I might not be smiling in that context either.

So I’ve been thinking, what is the consistent thing that I and other women do when we orgasm? And I think I’ve found it. I shudder. My body goes a little rigid and little ripples run throughout my body. The intensity of the orgasm will determine whether I shudder for a short while or a long while. My reaction when I orgasm also depends how I reached orgasm. If sex was fairly perfunctory and the right buttons were pressed (for long enough) then sure I will achieve an orgasm but its not likely to rock my world and elicit more than an Mmmm. However if there was mental foreplay, extensive physical foreplay, loads of teasing then sometimes the banshee comes out to play…

I’m curious. How do other women experience orgasm? How can your partner tell if you cum? Short of you telling them of course.

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Published on: 13 February 2011 by in General Issues

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81 Comments
  1. Sappho says:

    we always hail communication as a key ingredient for any healthy relationship so it’s a bit of a wonder why people don’t apply this when it comes to sex. a simple “[insert expletive of choice], i’m coming” – whether whispered or moaned or grunted or screamed – would certainly eliminate all this guess work. barring that however, what nana has described is fairly similar to what i myself (and most other women, i suspect) experience: breathing, moans, etc. get faster/more intense/increase in pitch until climax which i tend to experience in waves of muscular contractions (abdominal and vaginal). my back almost always arches and there may or may not be some eye-rolling lol. but seriously guys, look out for her O face – you know, when she’s beyond trying to look sexy or cute, kinda like a grimace but the oh-so-good kind (you’ll know it when you see it). sometimes if you keep your dick or finger(s) inside her you’ll feel those vaginal muscular contractions i mentioned earlier. there are sometimes also what i like to call “aftershocks” of a cum, involuntary shudders that run through her body in the minute or two after she orgasms. if you missed the main event, these could clue you in after the fact. and then there’s the smiling, laughing, and (god forbid) crying – emotional follow-ups to the physical high. as a rule i’d say if you have to ask, then assume she didn’t ahem, “arrive” and not vice versa.

  2. Ms. B says:

    Wow. What a topic. I think I blushed. Okay, so I don’t ‘cum’ a lot, and I don’t know how the guy can possibly tell if I did or not. Best way – ask me, and if I like you alot, I will probably lie and say it was good. If I don’t like you too much, I will tell you I didn’t.
    For me, honestly, since I don’t ‘cum’ much, ‘cumming’ isn’t the focal point of sex anymore. So, to answer your question, I have no frigging clue how the guy can know.
    Sorry boys.

  3. Vic says:

    Dear ND,

    thank you very much for the post!

    Sappho: I agree completely, communication is really the key. There is nothing wrong with encouraging your partner.
    And I as a man get really aroused when I hear my lady say (doesn’t matter expletive) that she is coming. That alone can already bring me high to my climax :-)

    If I notice that you have climaxed (or are on the verge of), it only motivates me more and confirms that I am doing “the right thing”. It will motivate me more to try the similar thing a second time.

    Although I don’t expect my partners to give me a complete “howto”, any subtle hint of “doing right”, “doing wrong” is golden information (as everybody’s body behaves differently).

    Ms. B: Although I am not a woman, I would suggest to you to get to know your body more. Else you are really missing out. If you understand how you ‘cum’ by self-stimulation, it will higher your chances of climaxing with a partner. Do let him know if you didn’t orgasm, there are still so many ways to have fun (even after the man “dropped his load”, we got 10 fingers and a tongue, for crying out loud).
    As you and he will discover each other’s body better and better, the sex will get to unknown heightens

  4. Elyas says:

    I was wondering..Are you Kenyan? .. I think you are..What is this obsession with sex that you Kenyans posess..This is maybe the 5th Kenyan blog talking about sex…Have a grib of yourselves people…btw, do visit my blog and learn to talk about something else…myhajj.blogspot.com

  5. Nana Darkoa says:

    Elyas, I am not Kenyan I am Ghanaian. Perhaps you should learn not to judge people with little or no knowledge. Your assumption that Kenyans are obsessed with sex is based on reading 5 blogs on sex authored by Kenyans? What rubbish! BTW I did try to visit your blog and got this message, ‘blog not found’. Stay off my blog if you don’t like it!!!

  6. Wow, finally, ND loses her cool… Elyas, how did you do it. :)

    OK, one guy’s opinion… unless folks are determined to work together, common goals won’t be achieved, except by accident. Is that how we want to live? I think most of these issues are fixable, unless the couple really don’t want to be with each other… Is that an idealistic thought?

  7. Mike says:

    how can you tell? lol. this is too good. It varies from woman to woman, and it also depends on what you’re doing.
    if it’s oral, and you know what you’re doing, you can tell 10-20 secs BEFORE she cums. I always got this natural high from knowing I was causing all that. but I digress…
    you can tell…or from my experience, there were always 4 things that are nearly universal and always seem to happen. smell, sight, taste and movement (internal & ext)

    smell: if you’re tuned into her, you can tell the difference btwn b.o., her natural smell, her “i’m horny” smell, and that “i’m about to cum sell”
    sight/ext movement: lots of tiny involuntary movements, those lil’ sweat pellets on her stomach, and then that intricate dance btwn her perineum, mons pubis, and lower abdomen (yes, I was an anatomy & physio geek) where you’d think ice was being rubbed over them.
    taste: um.. she’ll taste a bit bland/acidic when she gets there. do pay attention!
    internal movement: there’s that inescapable suction effect. if she’s got it really bad, you could hear it! then the best is that intense grip of your member. If you’re girthy, you’ll really feel it!

    As wonderful as “i’m gonna cum!” sounds, there’s no bigger ego booster than seeing/feeling it happen. It’s probably better than reaching my own orgasm.

  8. elyas says:

    Nana..I did not jump to any conclusion..There is no difference between you Ghanian and the Kenyans. You both happen to be Bantus. Therefore, you people are both facinated by sex. Do you really think that this is the way to enlightenment. It is apparent that ya’ll trying to imitate the western culture. Please, stick to your culture and quit trying to be something your not.

    Secondly, when i copied my blog address, it took me straight to my homepage, so it was an attempt by you to digress from the topic at hand when you couldnt come u with a proper way of defending your pathetic blog.

    • Hannah says:

      listen you need 2 lern to shut up! the people on here are acually interested and want to lern more about sex! we are mature enough to handle it…ok so plz if you are going to judge people on their interests then stop! because we could all do much better without your 2 cents sweetie

  9. Shane says:

    ok i just have to jump in here! this backward notion that somehow sex is not a part of African culture irks me to no end. the fact that public discourse on the subject is lacking in our African communities is the very reason why blogs like this exist – to educate, to empower, and to inform.

  10. Mike says:

    @Shane The whole point of the person was to troll. He (or she) joins a discussion, attack its host, the premise of the discussion, offer disjointed, meaningless (often nonsensical), and outlandish inferences to explain a causality that doesn’t exit (you’re x, therefore y ..hehe look at me!). All the while looking prepubescent as he offers his myopically moronic statements, which also serve to show just how inchoate he is. But who cares. It gets people to pay attention to him, and his missives, which was his only intention from the beginning. It also emboldens him to offer more (personal insults) to show that he has some serious cognitive dissociative issues.
    What do you do with people like that? The same thing you with that rabid dog behind a fence hoping you look at him. Ignore him. When you do, it shrivels up and dissolve away.

  11. Nana Darkoa says:

    Mike you were so right. He only got more offensive and so I had to delete his last comment. I won’t be allowing any more comments from him …moving right along…

    @ Kofi – Hahahaha. Why have you been trying to get me to loose my cool? Most of these issues are fixable? Mmm, I wanna say yes but I also think that’s kinda idealistic. Not all issues are fixable. Take one of the ladies who shared with us the issue of her husband’s premature ejaculation problem. She’s been living with this issue for 12 years. Is it fixable? Yes in theory it is. In practice the problem still exists and her hubby can barely get inside her before he spurts all over her nice sheets…

    Mike – Wow! I confess, your first comment had me bbm’ing my friend to say “Damn! Some people with just their comments make me wanna hook up with them”…her response, “Don’t go getting ideas”…so I won’t.

  12. Ine says:

    What is elyas talking about?! Sorry to go off topic, but I have to agree with Mike n say it was just for the attention. No way could anyone be so dense. Sex not being an african thing? What rock did he crawl from?
    Back to the topic. It has never been an issue. When I come you will know. If its a mind blowing one, I have the whole spasms and clenching and then I laugh. If its just ok, the clenches and a smile. If not, I go shower.
    Love your blog.

  13. Mike says:

    @Nana :D you just made my year. it’s a good thing our blushes aren’t so visible ;)

  14. Nsoromma says:

    I wanna be the bigger person and not mention that PRAT, but…I’m incensed! I wasn’t aware that enjoyable sex was a ‘Western’ culture thing at all, specifically considering that the general portrayal of young black/African women is generally that we are highly sexualised/over sexualised beings…GRRRRR! I hate being pigeon-holed on account of my heritage, and I hate sweeping statements, veiled (however badly) as fact.

    So ANYWAY..

    @ Mike – You kinna sound like an AMAZING lover, you should write a book or give counselling for men, and or live demos for women or SOMETHING. Jheeeeze!

    I think I do the whole rigid body, shudders, random involuntary body movements, ugly face thing. I get loud thou, I must admit. But aside from the loudness, the rest seems pretty generic. But ladies, make some noise! Look, you don’t have to holla like a banchee, but let him hear the catches in your breath, and your panting and moaning. Also, a little non-verbal communication never hurt no1 (think squeezing, scratching, etc). I find that generally, making noises like that gets an almost instant response from a guy…they realise they are doing something right and keep doing it! Sometimes, I use the noise more as encouragement at the beginning, but by the wonderful, explosive end, it’s more of an expression of what I’m feeling. And if afterwards I say anything along the lines of I can’t feel my legs, I came fo’ sho’!

  15. Sankofa says:

    Ugh! So annoying when you write a long comment and the internet decides to erase everything. I’m glad we’ve all decided to ignore the little internet troll so moving on…

    I thought I’d come the first few times I had sex until I REALLY had an orgasm. How could I have ever been mistaken? I get the whole rigid body thing too and total vaginal spasms that can last long after the fact. I also seem to gain superhuman strength….

    I’ve never ever lied about orgasming so the best way to find out if you’re not sure is to ask, but I can’t guarantee you’ll like the answer!

  16. Mike says:

    @Nosoromma LOL …and how exactly would one give live demos? thanks for the flattering comp, btw :)

  17. Savvy Kenya says:

    Insightful. That’s all.

  18. Oma says:

    OK!!!! is something wrong with me then? i have only ever come with one person ( a guy I was seeing 2/3yrs ago). Prior to that i have never felt an orgasm and always had to fake it to make the guy I was sleeping with feel good feel good. the sex was good but always left me wanting more before I met this guy. when ever I’m with this guy I’m wet from just seeing his face let alone….. so what’s going on here and how do I come now that he has left me?

  19. Kwame says:

    So I met this girl a week ago, played it right and got lucky on our second meet-up. She’s so polite,nice and cute. So nice in fact that she screamed thank you when she came the first time. I thought it was a one time thing but she kept saying thank you and apologizing for it on subsequent rounds. She doesn’t know why she says it. Some involuntary quirk.

    Now I get caught at work with “that smile” plastered on my face thinking about it. I think this is the one if there ever was such a thing :-)

  20. Waiki says:

    What a great post. First time on your blog. I’m about to check out more posts. Very, very interesting…

  21. larae says:

    Really nice!

  22. [...] blog contains some content only suitable for adults. You must be at least 18 to browse the blog). A recent visitor to her blog asked: I was wondering. Are you Kenyan? .. I think you are. What is this obsession with sex that you [...]

  23. [...] blog contains some content only suitable for adults. You must be at least 18 to browse the blog). A recent visitor to her blog asked: I was wondering. Are you Kenyan? .. I think you are. What is this obsession with sex that you [...]

  24. Questionaire says:

    Um hey, I just got dumped by my bf because I couldn’t get myself to ‘cum’ and lately when I feel aroused idk how to get myself to ‘cum’ when I’m alone. Idw to buy a dildo, or anything. I just can’t figure a way to stimulate myself. (First post, please don’t laugh) (also never talked about this before) [:|

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      Hi Questionnaire, your boyfriend is an idiot! Thank the Goddess he is now your ex :) If you found it difficult to orgasm and he’s the more experienced partner he could have taken time to help you get more comfortable with your body and explore ways in which you could orgasm.The majority of women have issues orgasming for a variety of reasons including the socialisation we get from childhood and the world around us. I believe its everybody’s responsibility to learn about their bodies and what brings them pleasure. You may need to work on your mind as well…are you totally comfortable when having sex? Are there any conditions under which you orgasm? What turns you on? Erotic literature? Women friendly porn? I have more questions than answers at this stage but answer my questions and I shall try and write a more helpful blog with you in mind :)

  25. Nsoromma says:

    I second that. Your ex is a complete twat. He should have dumped himself for not making you come. The main benefit of an experienced lover to an inexperienced one should be opening up the wonderful world of sex to you. He sounds like a pillock.

    I think the biggest hindrance to not coming is not connecting. Either because your uncomfortable or the attraction isn’t hot enough. If you wanna work at it begin there….

  26. QueenUdii says:

    Interesting blog. I must confess. One of the best I’ve read so far. On the issue of ‘cuming’, personally I’ve never ever come. It totally sucks. I think something is wrong with me. Cos I give really good sex. Nigga can come &come&come. I’ve got the energy to handle him but that energy from me is never exerted through him enough for me to come. Is something wrong with me?

  27. Shane says:

    @ QueenUdii – pls go and look for a vibrator and/or masturbate until your hands fall off! ok i exaggerate. but seriously don’t rely on anyone – get yours. i recommend the hitachi magic wand – bulky, loud and intense as fuck but oh.so.worth.it!

  28. MsQTcute says:

    @Elyas, Sex is very African sex is universal its Human!,honest open discussion is NOT
    As a Ghanaian myself I’m happy to be perceived as preoccupied with discussing sex because my mother’s generation have lived in unfulfilled unhappiness subject to men who were blissfully unaware and uninterested in their short comings.

    Our culture hides the most hideous sexual deviants because we do not talk about sex.
    If you want people to ‘go back to their cultures’ why dont you set the example?…..Go away

    @ND Love your post actually made me think.
    You’ve had some brilliant advice already but I’d like to add, not every woman does ‘come’ I personally Luurrrvvee having sex but I cant honestly come everytime, not the way I read about coming, my partner is very good so it’s not for want of trying.
    I mostly fake coming when I can tell he’s about to.
    I just make the right noises and do my pelvic floor exercises (you know the squeezes you read about?)
    I don’t think I’m missing out or that he’s doing anything wrong .

    I fake it because I care

    Msqt.cue@live.co.uk

  29. Adonis says:

    How can you tell when a woman orgasms? Interesting topic of discussion that i am sure has been lingering in our minds! Men are almost certainly guaranteed of having an orgasm when having sex, but this is not always the case with women. Is it because men are not patient enough to enjoy long foreplays (women take longer to reach orgasm)…or women are not comfortable with their bodies to enjoy sex?

    Some women say that they do enjoy sex without necessarily having an orgasm…they say the warmth and intimacy is satisfying. Some women fake an orgasm in order not to dent the ego of men! I am a man…a woman faking an orgasm is a big turn off because i can tell when a woman is having an orgasm! The body does not lie…and reacts when sexually aroused. Respiration rate slowly increases…goosebumps appear…nipples get hard…pussy becomes engourged and gets increasingly wet with the state of arousal…and if this is maintained long enough, an intense feeling erupts in the pelvis with a rippling effect! I will feel this rippling effect on the shaft of my cock and the shudder that comes afterwards. It feels like the smooth muscle wall of the pussy is gripping and releasing my cock.

  30. One way i can tell that she’s cumming or about to cum is when she asks me to keep the pace still or the speed of thrusting constant for a few more minutes like 6-10. By then she’ll begin to breath deep and sigh really loud and hold tight till she softly moans and holds tight for about a minute and falls back. Sometimes its hard to cum at that point if you didnt.

  31. Pat Kirk says:

    Place your hand under the womans left breat and if her heart is beating crazy then she is cumming, always a sure sign

  32. caljader says:

    im a dude. i cant tell if my girl cum, unless i eat her out and her hole taste mad salty. i tend to stop licking and keep using my fingers. then time 2 go. thats why i alway prep my girl before. and alway ask. plus for me its hard to find this 4 a girl during intercourse. but find ur G spot

  33. Tuck says:

    Thanks for the info Nana!! I have some weird orgasm stories that shared by others! And I would like to share it here too!

    There’s a person asked “Can women orgasm when they dream the way men do?”

    And 2 ladies answered to this! The first one answered “Oh, hell yes. And they’re phenomenal. And with less mess, I might add.”

    The second one answered “Yes, according to my anecdotal evidence (me and my mom). And according to my mom, she had her first orgasm while giving birth to my older brother, which is plain crazy! And then also with the birth of my other brother and me. The human body is so funny.”

    These are some weird women orgasms that men nowadays still haven’t discover yet! Am I right about this? =D

  34. Nnenna says:

    I know we’re ignoring the troll and all but I love his Bantu theory. You see, I’m Igbo part of the Bantu family and I LOVE all things fuckery-related.

    Fuckers of the world, unite!

    And we Bantus make EXCELLENT LOVERS! Heehee! Moving on…

    I think I am quite verbal during sex. Sometimes I have to keep still to feel and then a sound rips out of your throat before you even know what you’e doing. But I’m down with the whole shebang, and I am quite noisy.

    Once, I went through a phase where I decided not to make noise with my mouth during sex and my body upped the ante; smacking my hips on the bed, flinging my legs, breathing loudly through my mouth and nose, and the shudder, the blessed shudder. I think I almost dislocated my arm with that one.

  35. LoisLagos says:

    Can I just add that Mike deserves some kind of award for his answer…LOVE IT! ;)

  36. There are women who can’t reach orgasm. A new procedure called o-shot can treat this condition. This has been very effective with my patients. You can watch the procedure at http://oshot.info

    Hope this helps someone.

    Charles Runels, MD

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      @ fellow Adventurers – Hmmmm, Personally I am sceptical about these medical procedures which claim to be able to enhance women’s abilities to orgasm…even when they have been on ‘The Doctors’, but I decided I would approve this comment anyway…even though it seems to be an unpaid advert :)

  37. Roots4life says:

    I will recommend that Adventurers read the book Dirty Havana Trilogy by Pedro Juan Gutierrez. He provides good examples of orgasmic Cuban women who talk dirty when climaxing. A very good read from start to finish.

  38. cgirl says:

    yeah i wanted to know i get to the feelin like im bout to nut or something but nothing comes out what is wrong with me why cant i get off someone please help me with this

  39. dwt says:

    A male here: I find it’s obvious to feel the difference when doing oral sex on a woman. You can feel the contractions inside, and the tummy has a way of tensing up–on a vertical line from the pubes upward. Thighs go rock hard. Toes curl. Legs quake. Breathing stops or stutters.

    In missionary style, you can still feel the legs, and the spine buckling. ANd then there’s those wonderful twisted faces: like someone said above, that face that clearly says this person isn’t primping for her close up; she’s in another world.

    Doggy style I have to say it’s much harder to know. But, of course, you should be able to trust your partner, anyway.

  40. amberj says:

    can u orgasm without cuming?

  41. Nana Darkoa says:

    Great question @amberj, and I’m actually flummoxed. Can anyone help? I really do not know is my answer…

  42. Nnenna says:

    Orgasming is cumming. Unless you mean ‘Can you cum without ejaculating’? And that’s a yes from both genders, male and female.

    (No, I am not a hermaphrodite)

  43. Charlotte says:

    Loving this discussion, very enlightening! I came across it when I was trying to find out if its common to dislocate your toes when “cumming” this is starting to happen every time I “cum” and it is most off putting. Wondered if any of you had any advice and if its common?

  44. Lee lee says:

    I have been reading all your comments and find it fasinating to read. I am on the verge of turning 40 have had a full hysterectomy. I have notice since getting older my body is changing. I shudder with every orgasim. I also shudder more so if my partner makes me squirt eith an orgasim but i shudder more and feels like my body is over taken. But it a very nice way. ( best orgasim ever ). I find i enjoy sex more as my body changes. Yes lady’s & men. There is a technigue to get your women to squirt. Just google and look at video’s. she will love u forever lol. Good luck all and enjoy !!!!

  45. aby says:

    I’m a Female.Can you have orgasm just by self stimulating (fingering) yourself?

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      Yes, most women will also need to rub their clit to orgasms. It’s literally over of those different strokes for different folks kinda situation. Play around and see what happens :-)

      • aby says:

        ,.. but is it the same orgasm as the ones with partner?,..

        • Nana Darkoa says:

          @Aby – I don’t think there is any such thing as the ‘same orgasm’. Sometimes people do not even orgasm with their partners yet are able to orgasm on their own. Even the orgasms you have on your own differ from day to day, time to time etc

  46. shabana says:

    My boyfriend has a gianormous Dick. It feels so good when he is inside of me but it hurts a little. He says he enjoys watching me get satisfied how ever he says he just needs more time so that he can gum but he also says he will pull out when he feels he is cuming. I have yet to make him reach his orgasm point. I feel like I am not getting satisfied because it is a turn on and so hot to me when my man cums. Also he has made me reach orgasm several times in one sex session but says he cannot feel when I orgasm. I love his big dick in fact I might be obsessed with it. I give him a blow job always for long time. He eats me out for a long time too but still unsuccessful at getting him to cum. He says he needs more time but it gets
    to the point where it hurts me because his penis goes so deep and is huge. Any advice for me I will be grateful. We love each other but have this problem. We talker about it already and he says he will just go slower on me and go down on me much longer.

    • Ekuba says:

      does he masturbate? I’m asking cos if he does, then he climaxes/ ejaculates from it probably by using his hand. so then you can ask him to show you how he pulls on his penis & then you can do that till he’s close to climaxing then he can penetrate you. that way, he’ll come faster when he’s inside you & you wont get hurt & you’ll both be satisfied :)

      • shabana says:

        I haven no idea if he masturbates. I would assume yes. I will ask him today when he comes over. I know he said he wants to try with me again to have sex. Maybe I am his first girlfriend he has had in a very long time. He said only one girl made him cum before but it was not with a girlfriend. He said it was with a girl or aka friends w benefits.
        I don’t like when he mentions that because it bothers me. I don’t want him thinking of another girl while with me. Anyways I observed last time we had intercourse he likes to watch his penis go inside of me. I want him to touch me and stimulate my hot spots more for ex touching my breasts and biting my neck and holding my leg. He kind of acts like he is very experienced in this department but he is not. I am more experienced so I always find myself talking to him about our sex problems to him. I never put him down but instead always suggest we can try this instead(and I make suggestion)but he seems to not want to try anything new and seems determined to make us work out in bed with no help or no new things.

        • Ekuba says:

          i think it’s a good idea to talk it through with him when he comes over. & I’m sure that as time goes by & you get to know him better, & both of you have frank & open conversations about sex, you’ll figure out how to get him to come during sex with you. & I wouldn’t feel too bad about the fact that he was able to ‘get there’ with the other woman/ the friend with benefits & not with you. It might have nothing to do with that woman actually. Who knows, maybe due to his upbringing etc. he finds it difficult to let go when he’s with someone he truly cares about (ie: you) but it’s easier for him to let go when he’s with a casual acquaintance. Whatever it is, i’m sure you’ll get to know. Time is your friend!

          • shabana says:

            Thank you for your advice. You might be right about that.(him only being able to go when he is w someone casual or hook up)I know when he was new born his mom abandoned him and his grandma or auntie raised him. I think you are correct about that he can come with someone he doesn’t have strong feelings for. My bf and I talked about our feelings and we both reallly like each other. In fact some of my close friends have made comments to me that “wow! He is really into you! ” they observe when we go to bars that have local rock bands play. He is also always all over me like constantly tells me you are beautiful and kisses me all the time everywhere we go. I never had a bf show this much affection towards me before! It is over whelming sometimes mostly because I am not use to it. I never let it bother me because I love that he is proud to show me off to everyone around us.

          • shabana says:

            Thank you for such quick response!
            I appreciate it very much#

          • Ekuba says:

            you’re very welcome and all the best with your ‘superbly endowed’ man lol

  47. shabana says:

    Sorry for typos
    this Kendal sucks when it comes to typing

    Typo on word cum

  48. shabana says:

    Oh and I make it pretty obvious when I have an orgasm. I get super loud and pull him in deeper to me. He will look at me in the eyes but how come he cannot feel it? I don’t understand. He is circumcised. My body quivers and shakes plus he makes me scream…….I get loud.

    So confused! !!

  49. shabana says:

    Tonight was total success! My man went down on me for nearly 25minutes and it was pure bliss and heaven! He made me have multiple orgasms while going down on me :)
    then I gave him an amazing long blow job and hand job for the same amount of time he ate me out. Then we had intercourse and it was intensified 200x more! He came too! We both orgasmed at the same time. It was so intense and amazing!
    I love him even more now! I was begging for more not long after! But he cannot go a second round. Though he promised me more tomorrow when he gets his energy back. (He was on too at first then I went on top of him for a while an then we did doggy style) he blew my mind! I even gave him
    A second bj an hour later just to make him happier to show him how happy I was. He was so loving and affectionate to me after all night. I have the best man I could ever dream of having! :)

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      hahahah @shabana – Happy for you hun x

    • Ekuba says:

      lol people are having fun! glad he finalllllly came with you. sounds like a hot dream

    • AM says:

      @shabana

      Your forking business is super intense. You should become a contributor oo! I’m jeolous! Sounds like you had that come to Jesus moment when it was all said and done. Did you see angels in heaven?

      • Ekuba says:

        erh herh AM you have brought yoursef. I”m going to do to you what was done to me some days ago to force me to commit to writing a blog post! ok o, since you’re encouraging others to write articles: when was the last time we read any of your exciting articles here erh? & when are we going to read another one? ok, i will say no more.

        • AM says:

          My dear, I only have water swimming upstairs, no ideas, nor intelligence whatsoever. I’ll leave the podium to you and the rest. Ya’ll doing a good forking job.

  50. shabana says:

    Thank you:)

  51. shabana says:

    So I do have a question to ask.
    Since my boyfriend and I are together
    how come he cannot have sexton a second time in a row?
    is it because I am his first girlfriend in a very long time?
    That makes him unable to go a second session or round(what ever you wanna call it)
    The last 3 boyfriends I dated (in a span of 10 years) were all able to have sex second time. I am curious to know or find out why my current man can only have sext one time.
    Maybe if we are together for a long time(few years….well I don’t plan on breaking up w him anytime) maybe he will learn to build himself up for another go…..?
    Sincerely
    Curious :)

  52. rozey says:

    shabana, it takes approximately 4 hrs a an average man to regain strength after ejaculation . And even having sex immeadiately after that time is not recommended since the penis does not get enough blood hence little erection is achieved. Also, wen cuming the 2nd time after 4hrs, the testicles at this time do not have sufficient sperms and also the semen glands have exhausted much semen and hence its always a bit painful while cumming and the semen is always colourless due to lack of sperms. Most men always agree to have it again if the woman insists bt it really makes the man “tired” and unproductive the whole day. For a man to regain good energy, 8-12 hrs is recommended. I think ur guy loves u n knows that u r always there for him unlike thats y he doesnt hav any hurry unlike other men who always think that “before we break up with this bitch, I must have used her to my satisfaction”.

  53. No Puddles Here says:

    Let me start by saying that to me.. Orgasming on my part isn’t a huge deal for me, but it is for my boyfriend. I love my SO very much, we live together and sleep in the same bed every night and we have sex enough that I am satisfied, and we refrain from having sex enough that I am ALWAYS up for action when we do get frisky. I have no complaints. That being said, I have never orgasmed from vaginal penetration. I can’t get past the ” I am going to pee” mentality. I tell my man that I do, because he will not let go unless he thinks I have. I would love to tell him that I can’t get there, but I have been faking so long, not just with him, with every boyfriend I have ever had, because I don’t want them to feel bad, or think it is there fault. Recently I have been very seriously considering telling him this. That I can’t get past my block by myself and need him to coax me there, but I am terrified of hurting his feelings, or making him think that he isn’t doing it right, because I LOVE having sex with him, I don’t care whether I orgasm or not, feeling him inside and close, and having him orgasm is incredibly satisfying for me. But at this stage where we are seriously considering spending our lives together, I feel like honesty is the only way to go. So Ill put it out there… Guys, you may never know whether your girlfriend, wife, or hookup is faking it, but if she doesn’t WANT to fake it, you’ll find out, and I think that says a lot.

  54. shabana says:

    For that hard headed ignorant lady
    You shouldn’t make a judgement such as Kenyan people are all about sex as if it is is a horrible thing or a crime.
    At least they have a good hobby and fantasies that they probably live with their partner. Writing about it is not a crime.
    For another record. I am a grown independent woman. I also have short stories with nothing but sec. Detailed sex. I have been told by many friends to please keep writing more.
    yes I love sex. I love everything about it.
    Oh btw I am not black. I am not white. I am half Indian half Persian aka as Pindo pride and damnable proud of it.
    You don’t have to be a certain race to like or enjoy something.
    But to have such poor judgement on others you don’t even know anything about tells everyone what kind of trashy person you are. Nobody likes being around someone with poor judgement and pure stupidity. Litterally I am telling you that you sound extremely Dumb.

  55. Nnenna says:

    Woooo! Shabana is angry!!!

  56. Lauren says:

    I know it was already said a few times but when i orgasim my body goes ridged, but my jaw also slackens and I squeeze my partner even close to me, and my head literally rolls from side to side

  57. Viggo says:

    I can, for some strange reason, tell if ANYONE cums. Same thing as for when I know a girl, that I dont know, is on her period. My girlfriend just shudders, and squeezes her legs together, and fwoosh! Cum. Ta da! Sad thing is, Ive never cummed before and all these girls Ive been with have been virgins untill they kiss me -.-‘ Dont wanna sound like the bad man whore but for some reason, girls have said they’ve never experienced THAT with any other guy…. Am I just bigger? Thicker? Faster harder? What did I do?! XD I look like a 15 year old boy, too! So that has to add some ackwardness when having sex. So many orgasms for girls, and none for me. Dammit.

  58. Guest1 says:

    Soo if I’m with a girl and her vagina briefly gets tense and then gets a bit placid (loose) and Very wet is it safe to assume I’ve completed my mission?

    Last 2 I’ve been with did that, wondering if my tactics are effective

  59. Katherine says:

    Wow!!! Great blog. Learned a lot reading all of your posts.
    So I don’t really know if I orgasm. I tend to get into the moment so much that I forget what’s going on around me. And I’ve never been a fan of masturbating. But just with fingering gets me extremely wired up; moaning, screaming, scratching, pelvic thrusts, you name it. But I truely don’t know if I ever came. Weird huh?

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      Not weird but definitely interesting … At least to me :-) I feel like the answer to this requires one of those ‘Masters of Sex’ type observations. Hmm so this woman has all the physical reactions indicating that she is about to come but doesn’t quite get there. Why? I’m wondering if somehow it’s hard for you to let go completely at the end. Sex is one of those acts where somehow you have to be open to being vulnerable and if it’s a challenge for you to do that then that could be a factor.

      So a basic question,your initial physical reactions are real right? You’re not faking it are you? Do you come on your own?

      I think if you came you would definitely know. You’ll feel a release of physical tension so if you’re not feeling that then I doubt if you’re orgasming

  60. Christian says:

    My girlfriend says she has orgasms. But I never feel them, is that normal? She’s the quiet type…. She says she’s not adequite enough when I ask “Soo when do u orgasm”. Honestly I never feel it..she says she contracts.. but I never feel it..I know I’m not.. average… Normal… But still…I’m just frustrated…cause she doesn’t LOOK like she orgasms. Out of the times we have sex….. Other times..through foreplay…. I can really tell… She breathes heavy and is exhausted..but in sex… I can never really get that same reaction…she does feel tired after… But not like the foreplay orgasm sex haha xD. Please help me..especially the ladies.

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