I hate my periods.
I just don’t get it. I wish I could be all earth mother’ish about the sustenance of life flowing out of my body but I just can’t.
Plus mine last FOREVER…6 days! Without fail, every 25 days or so I start to bleed. I can’t wear thongs in that period (cos I fill a super sized tampon in less than an hour. Okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration). I can’t wear white cos there have been occasions when I have soiled my clothes…(which reminds me of my days at St Mary’s Secondary School where we wore white school uniforms, if you soiled your uniform you would tie your blue cardigan around your waist. Inevitably a male teacher would ask you to take off your cardigan and you would have to ‘confess’ to having soiled your outfit). And during the heaviest days of my flow I have to avoid the gym for fear that all that jumping around would cause my sanitary towel to dislodge. Those ALWAYS ads that show women doing all sorts of amazing things during their periods? I hate them. But I guess adverts work cos I instinctively purchase ALWAYS. I buy all the types of packs that are available – with Wings, for heavy absorbency, tampons, tampax…
I used to deny that there was any such thing as PMS. I loathe the idea of biological essentialism so I deny biological restrictions on principle, but as I’ve grown older there are times where I have experienced PMS. Or maybe I have finally been socialised to the existence of PMS? This week my 32G boobs were actually bigger…which is not too much of a problem, except that they were PAINFUL and felt swollen. Now what is all that about? If it wasn’t for my ‘born again virgin’ status I would have been running for a pregnancy test. And why do we experience fake pregnancy symptoms before our period starts? I can be so ravenous in the week before my period – ravenous for food, ravenous for sex, ravenous for…well whatever I want really. All desire is magnified. All emotions are magnified. A couple of years ago, a nutritionist I was paying a ridiculous sum of money to see told me that most women murderers committed murder during their period. That makes perfect sense to me.
My doctor friend says I should go for a scan. Maybe I have fibroids. Maybe I do. Apparently 50% of black women have fibroids. 6 years ago or so, I went to see my local doctor and told him that I was concerned about the size of my stomach and was wondering if I had fibroids. He manipulated my belly and asked:
“do you feel a pain here?”
“Maybe you should just loose some weight then”
In all fairness, I didn’t have the long periods that I have now. I think my periods were only 5 days long then…
So. Periods suck. Big time.