Dear Missie (short version of Mistress),
You probably expect this to be another article that condemns you and tells you you’re a horrible person for banging another woman’s husband. You probably expect me to urge you to leave him.
But I won’t say these things to you because I know you’ve heard them over and over again. How do I know? You see, Missie, I have been you before- once.
Actually, I have been you five times. I have dated five married men and this is the biggest regret of my life. I remember the one that I fell in love with. After he took me for a moonlit stroll on the beach, gazed into my eyes and whispered softly, ‘You are so beautiful’, I was hooked. It hurt like hell to leave him but I had to face the harsh reality that he never truly loved me. I dated another for money and another out of lust.
One day, I realized that I was special and beautiful. I realized that I deserved to have my own man. So I decided never to date another man who was wedded to another and I’ve never looked back. To tell you the truth, I have never felt better!
Baby girl, this is what I wish someone had told me back then when I was the other woman:
- Learn to love yourself because you are so special and beautiful; develop a thriving life without him- make new friends, learn to swim or dance or write, start a new project!
- Don’t hide what is going on, talk to someone you trust who won’t judge you.
- Keep a journal and read it from time to time; it’ll keep you from ignoring your deepest feelings.
- Take everything he tells you with truckloads of salt; he lies to someone he made vows to so maybe he’s lying to you.
- Protect yourself: always use condoms because he’s most probably having sex with his spouse and of course there could be others.
- Please don’t get pregnant, I know you think it’ll bring him closer to you but think about your unborn child who doesn’t deserve to be brought into this uncertain situation.
- Don’t waste your energy hating & envying his wife; you don’t know her story or her pain.
- Believe that you deserve to have a good man all to yourself and don’t give up on finding such a man.
- Know that you have a choice in this matter; no matter how swept off your feet you feel, you have the final say whether to leave him or to stay; if you leave him, you’ll survive because until you met him, you lived without him and yet you didn’t die.
I wish you lots of love and happiness.
PS: If you’re reading this and you’re Missie, let me know what you think. If you’re reading this and you’re not Missie, I’d like to hear your comments on the matter (and is there anything you’d like to tell Missie yourself?).