I was BBM’ing with my friend earlier today and somehow the conversation turned to situations where you get turned on against your will.
Me: “What are you up to?”
Him: “I’m trying to read in bed and my mate’s 7 year old daughter who has a crush on me has jumped in bed with me and is talking my ear off.”
Me: “Awww. How sweet. Its a good thing you’re not a paedophile.”
Him: “It’s a very good thing I’m not.”
This conversation got us chatting about situations where you get turned on against your will. I shared how I had read about a new mother who was so concerned when she got aroused suckling her new born baby that she called the police. He shared his fear that, “what if I see my mate’s penis in the gym shower and get a hard on, does that make me gay?” My response, “As for you guys and your stupid homophobic fears. Sigh. Anyway we’ve talked about that subject ad nauseum”.
A few years ago I went on holiday to a resort in Turkey. I was travelling by myself and spent many blissful days lying on the beach, sightseeing, and drinking cocktails in the bar below my hotel. Walking through the resort I would see numerous signs for Turkish baths and massages and decided to walk into one facility to make some enquiries. I chatted with a lovely Turkish lady, and made an appointment for 11am the following day. She adviced me to bring a bikini for my treatment the following day. The following day I arrived at 11am and was welcomed by a Turkish man who showed me to the sauna. After the sauna he asked me if I would like to lie in the bath which had already been run. Somehow I didn’t feel comfortable lying in this bath because I wasn’t sure how clean it was so I declined the offer.
“Ready for your massage Nana”, he asked. “Yes” I responded, wondering all the while where the lovely lady I had seen the day before was. He walked with me to the massage room. “Take off your swimming costume and lie down” he said. “Oh. Okay. Can I have a towel please?” He handed me a small towel, and asked me to lie on my front. After massaging my back and legs for a while he asked me to turn over. “Can I have another towel please?” I asked, and covered my boobs as I turned over. I continued to close my eyes and tried hard to relax but couldn’t quite relax. Was it my imagination or were his fingers lingering on my inner thighs? Did he just flick uncomfortably close to my vagina or was that my imagination? “Nana you like massage” he asked. “Ermm. Its okay”. He started to massage my upper body. No, I definitely felt him flick my nipple I thought. I opened my eyes and the small towel I had covered my boobs with had strayed far south of where I had placed them. I could see my nipples! And they were darkened and engorged. I pulled the towel back over my boobs. I definitely could not relax now. And somehow I didn’t have the courage to get up and leave. “Nana you like massage?” he asked again. “Its okay” was my response. Somehow I continued to lie there, waiting for the massage to end, feeling my body respond against my will to this man who I thought was frankly icky. Now in terms of getting aroused against your will I think this is fairly low level stuff. I could have got up at any point in time and said, “No, I’m not enjoying this massage”, and walked out. But I spent ages asking myself if I was imagining things, and even when I had clear evidence that I was not imagining things I still felt like I couldn’t just get up and leave. I’m not quite sure why. Maybe I felt I was entitled to a massage because I had paid for one. Maybe I felt it would be rude to walk out. Whatever.
My experience of arousal against my will was fairly low level stuff but the BBM conversation I referred to earlier got me thinking about more serious stuff. I have read about women who have been raped and found to their horror that they got wet during the rape (and I’m not referring to enacting rape fantasies here). You can imagine the extra psychological damage this would cause to the survivor of rape. They might ask themselves questions like, “Did the fact that I got wet mean I wanted to get raped?”. But from what I have read and understand our body prepares us for penetration, which means that your body could secret fluid to lessen the impact of penetration. Now that’s a mind fuck isn’t it?
Have you ever experienced a situation where you felt aroused against your will? Go on. You know you want to tell…