I am an ardent masturbator.
I think the right to pleasure yourself should be a human right – and I am not being flippant. Think of how much the STIs would be reduced, maybe eradicated, or how the stress of a pregnancy scare could be avoided. Think about how much more vulnerable your partner would seem if they were able to do this, the most secret act of sex in front of you. Think of how much trust there could be in marriages. Imagine how the oxytocin released – that pesky hormone responsible for bonding you to a fuckwit partner when you KNOW they are bad for you – could help you love yourself. And if you love yourself, then you can love your neighbour as yourself. Peace and goodwill towards all men, can I get an ‘Amen’?
Let’s not even get started on the medical benefits; how a good orgasm can send blood rushing to your skin and head (I masturbate when I get tension headaches. It mellows me right out, and if I go to sleep, so much the better). All those people you see with glowing skin? Masturbators. I should know. I glow like the sun at night.
Ahem! Anyway, it amazes me how many women do not know their own bodies. I am talking women like you, women who know where to find adventuresfrom, women who have their own businesses and careers. What’s more astonishing is that these women would do anything to get ahead in their careers but when it comes to their sex lives, they are willing to let that fall by the wayside. Think about it. You got that promotion because you worked hard for it. When you were five years old you knew you were going to be a doctor and every single step you have taken in your life has lead you to the culmination in a medical degree. So why are you leaving your sex life, your fulfilment up to somebody else? If sex (with someone else) is like riding a bike, solo sex is like LEARNING to ride a bike. You can’t just jump on a bicycle one day and say ‘Oh, I’ll just put one leg in front of the other, I’m sure my body will know what to do’ because next thing you know, you’re kissing pavement and calling on your ancestors to deliver a swift and merciful death because everything hurts so damn much. (Errrr…not like this happened to me or anything.)
I think I blame religion, or the African interpretation of whatever religion is supposed to be. It has made us all prudes. In the old days, the older women would not allow a bride to go to her husband’s house without knowing what they knew. We’re talking women who had to compete with other wives for their husband’s affection over a period of decades. You can tell they knew some real freaky shit. And let’s not even get started on moonlight ‘games’. Do you really believe all the pairings were boy/girl? I’m sure there were some same sex pairings in there, especially among females who wanted to remain intact enough for the wedding night. Plenty more cows for the mothers then!
I couldn’t tell you when I started masturbating. I’ve been doing it all my life and I’m ‘around’ 30. I am married and my husband knows and shares my enthusiasm for self-love, both mine and his. Mostly mine, it has to be said. Which brings us to the other thing, the thing that most Africans give as their reason for avoiding masturbation; well two things. Sexual immaturity and ‘sin’.
A lot of people – especially men – believe that masturbation should stop when they are in a partnership and if that is what you want for yourself as a woman, that is fine. But you should not stop masturbating just because someone thinks you should (and if you don’t want to start either, it’s your choice). I will say however that the sin people refer to is a) Spilling your seed on the ground as laid out in the bible. However, the same sin is propagated when you have sex with a condom. The sperm is not going towards the production of a child and if you must live by the bible in that way, then any time you spill your seed it should go towards making life. The other sin they refer to involves sinning with yourself in a partnership which is tantamount to cheating. I will say that the sin in this case is the sin of secretiveness. As long as you are open and honest with each other and you do it in front of each other, or with knowledge afore-act there is no big deal. And if you can’t do it in front of your partner, ask yourself why. What is is that you are shying away from? That is what the sin is.
The sexual immaturity issue is bollocks. So if you have no one or prefer not to be with someone you’re supposed to act like you have Barbie lady parts? No. Sexual maturity involves the ability to not depend SOLELY on anyone for your sexual satisfaction. It involves being able to fulfil your fantasies without fear of judgement. It forces you to think outside the box because you are relying on yourself. You can do it in unusual ways and places; squeezing your thighs around the pole on a crowded train or subway, with your handbag between your thighs on the bus, for instance. Personally, I think the immaturity issue is another way that men with low self-esteem seek to control women. If they can’t control what you think, they sure as hell will control when you have sex – which will be when they want you to have it and no other time.
Now, if masturbation is stopping you from living a full life, say you’re beginning to skip work or time with your family and other social activities that make for a well-rounded individual, then you obviously have a problem which I am not qualified to treat. You should seek help from a psychiatrist, because it is a problem most likely rooted deep within. If you don’t fall into this category, lock your door, strip and enjoy treating yourself.
This is one treat, ladies, that does not go straight to your hips. Imagine! And if you do decide to treat yourself to a good ol’ fashioned dessert, three guesses for what can help you burn this off?
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