Yesterday, I confessed to my friends that till I met my boyfriend, all the guys I dated had some kind of forceful sexual intercourse with me. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about- the kind of sex where you don’t want to do it but he wants to and so he pounds away and you come out with bruises and tears. I thought I was alone but surprisingly, all my friends shared similar experiences. And that got me incensed. I’m pissed off that this is happening to so many girls in Ghana, Africa and the world at large. This nonsense must stop. I have reproduced my friends’ stories below. Feel free to share your own experiences and views in the comments section.
Afia’s story: Mr. O was the first boss I interned for while in university. He was 40 years, married with two kids and I was 20 years old. He would send me flirtatious texts and I felt flattered because my boss had a crush on me! One day, after office hours, he asked me to come into his office. When I sat down, he started telling me how he’d been pursuing me for a long time and asked me to take my clothes off. I didn’t want to do it but he was insistent. He said, ‘Afia, if you don’t take it off I will’. I took it off and he slept with me on the carpet. I wasn’t a virgin but he hurt me that day because he was rough and I really didn’t want sex. After that day, he slept with me whenever he wanted- I didn’t protest. I was such a child; I didn’t even demand anything except asking him to buy me ice-cream and pizza.
Stella’s story: I lost my virginity to my friend’s elder brother when I was in secondary school. I used to visit him in his university room and he gave me a card and teddy-bear for Valentine’s Day. Sometimes I’d let him kiss and fondle me and I was really in love with him but I wasn’t ready for sex. The day it happened, all his roommates left the room with some excuse as soon as I entered. Maybe, he told them what was going to happen? He started kissing me and that felt good but when his fingers snaked into my panties I felt uncomfortable so I said ‘Bro. K, I don’t like that’ (I actually used to call him ‘Bro.’ lol). He said ‘stop acting like a little girl, erh, what did you think coming into my room in that mini skirt?’ He eventually had sex with me and it was really painful. I cried when it was all over but I dated him for a year after that because I loved him.
Nkechi’s story: When I was in law school in Nigeria, I worked for a reputable law firm in Lagos and one of the partners kept asking me out but I wasn’t interested because he was married. We had our firm party in Christmas and I drank too much and became unsteady. There was no way I could go home in that state. He must have noticed the state I was in because in a flash, he signaled to me and told me, ‘Nkechi, you can’t go home like this now’ and then he made his secretary book a nearby hotel room for me and asked his driver to take me there. Almost as soon as I checked into the room, the door knob turned and there was this partner! He said ‘Ah hah, now I’ve captured you Nkechi!’ He had sex with me that night. I didn’t want to have sex but I was too drunk to push him off me.
Dela: My boyfriend in university broke my virginity forcefully. We had dated one year without sex and maybe that pissed him off because he claimed all his friends were screwing their babes regularly? One day when I visited him at home during vacation, he held down my hands and started pulling off my clothes, kissing me to keep me from protesting and then had sex with me. He married someone else a year later.