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The woman who married six and a half men

NANA

 

Chapter 1: Where it all begins

I’ve been dying to start the blog series about my grandmother, Nana. Nana was the first love of my life. She was my first mother. My mom traveled outside Ghana to work when I was two months old and left me in Nana’s care  and so it was Nana who raised me. As a result, I’m a typical ‘old lady’s’ child with all the characteristics. Some of my best friends are elderly people, my favorite songs are the Presbyterian hymns she used to hum and the high life music she enjoyed listening to.  And, I love to boil my eggs on top of my plantains rather than boiling them separately (if you’re Ghanaian, especially an Akan & you don’t know what I’m talking about then mchew, I”m not even going to explain it to you! You dada ba person).

My grandmother, Nana, is a woman of substance and she married six and a half men. In another chapter of this series, you’ll understand how she married ‘half’ a man. But suffice it to say, she married six and a half men in the early 1900s. Sure, from what I’ve read and understand, the Ghanaian society wasn’t as narrow minded about marriage then as it is today (you know, our current obsession with 1 man marrying 1 wife forever & ever even if the marriage is awful & they hate each other & the kids are being traumatized). Nevertheless, it takes a lot of guts, in any society, for a woman to boldly determine what she wants in a man & be strong enough to leave marriage 6 (and a half haha) times when she doesnt get it.

And that is why I love Nana to death.  Nana has balls- balls that if even a quarter of the world’s population had, the world would be a much much better place. She was the first feminist that I encountered in my life. She strongly believes that every woman has the right to be independent, to attain the greatest height that she can reach, to be happy, not to be dominated by anyone else. I have learnt so much about sexuality, marriage, relationships & women empowerment from her that I just had to dedicate an entire blog series to her . The irony is that Nana doesn’t think she’s amazing. She has the sharpest wits that I’ve ever known (& so it’s no surprise that her womb has produced 2 university professors, 2 ivy league scholars, scientists, lawyers, engineers & an international banker, I could go on) but Nana doesn’t think she’s amazing.

She was never sent to school and she feels embarrassed about the fact that she cannot read or  speak English & that she hardly understands half of the things she watches on TV. She is self-conscious about her body: the scars on her body from the physical beatings that she suffered as a young girl;  her wizened and sun-burnt skin-  skin that was once fair-toned & caused people  to call her obroni/ white woman, skin that is now marked by all the years she spent toiling under the scorching African sun, raising crops and selling them to singlehandedly raise 5 kids; she feels embarrassed that she is all skin and bones, she is skinny because after years of living on meager food, she just cannot bring herself to gorge now that her children & grandchildren have plenty. But she has no idea how proud I am of the very things that she feels ashamed of. Yes, I am proud of her scars because they tell me what a survivor she is. I am proud of her slender physique and she has taught me a lot about self-discipline when it comes to food. I am proud of her sun-burnt skin because it is the sacrifices she made that have enabled me to soar this high. It was because she once sold her farm crops near the High Court complex in Accra, which, (being a ‘non-native of Accra’ & hailing from a certain town in the Central Region known for it’s delicious palm oil), she only knew as ‘court dan ho’; it is because she did all this that today I can  enter those same courts to argue cases.

I’ve been dying to write about my grandmother Nana. I couldn’t start writing because I’m a cry baby, I miss her sooo much now that I’m away from her &  in a foreign land & writing about her makes me painfully aware of all that. I couldn’t start writing about her because it makes me realize that I will not have her forever. She was born in the same year as Queen Elizabeth II and although I am no pessimist, I am also aware that in a developing country like my beloved Ghana, my family and I are blessed to have had her around all these years and I do not even want be reminded of all that. And what better way can I honor her than to share with you my dear sisters (and the brothers who come here too) everything this wonderful woman has taught me about sex & relationships?

I’ve been dying to write all of this  and I hope that you enjoy it.

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I shall write and post a different chapter every week. Hope you love the picture of Nana & me that I posted. Of course I’d blur it! I’ve been dreaming of becoming a judge in GH someday & I’m not sure if they’re hiring bisexual women that blog about their sexcapades yet so my identity shall remain deliciously hidden.But my acquaintances who know me very well will be able to decipher me from that photo. She that has eyes let her see! 🙂

About the Author

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20 Comments
  1. Nnenna says:

    Gid, she sounds so much like this book I am finishing up. My character didn’t marry as many times though but she is a feminist. Maybe I should say any more because I am writing that under my real name.

    Your grandma sounds awesome, Ekuba. You’re so lucky.

  2. cosmicyoruba says:

    I for one am looking forward to this series!

  3. AM says:

    YAAAY!!! I hope your series won’t be like Nnenna’s….*cough cough* leaving us hanging for years to come.

    • Nnenna says:

      Mama help me, ah don been shot through the heart with this diss!

      AM, after my laptop messed up, my heart failed me. (Also I think I am reluctant to finish because a few things will change in the ‘Sexy Times’ book.

  4. billboardgyal says:

    hahaha. she reminds me of my great great grandmother,awo. who recently passed on. she had 7 children with seven different men each of them from seven different regions. she had zero tolerance for lazy mediocre men..the moment u ticked her off big time you were out faster than u could say ‘fufu’

  5. Aso says:

    Ahh, Ekuba. Often I get the impression you and I have lots in common and would get along if we ever met! And reading this right now, I thought ‘oh look, another coincidence!’ My granny raised me too, and I grew up loving all her Methodist hymns.
    You know what, being Ghana, I bet even our respective Nanas know each other kraa 🙂

  6. Nana Darkoa says:

    Yayyyyy, I’m so excited. And can I say blurred Ekuba looks hot hot hot. I’m really looking forward to this series, and also really looking forward to you becoming a high court judge in the near future. More power!

  7. Ekuba says:

    @ Nnenna: 🙂 Great minds think alike! Can’t wait to read your book when it’s done. Am sure it will be as exciting. You Nigerians have got the writing thing locked down tight! (From Wole Soyinka to Chinua to Chimamanda & now Taiye Selasi- I know she’s half GH).
    @Billboardgyal: So you see, our (great great) grannies were not the exception but possibly even the rule. Can you imagine what people would say today if you had 7 kids with 7 different men etc? I’m sure your g.g.gran & my gran would get along like banku & tilapia.
    @cosmicyoruba: thanks for the support! look out for the first instalment (hint it’ll have something to do with kissing).
    @AM: I have cough syrup oh! Lemme know if you want some ‘kay? No, I don’t think I have Nnenna’s gift for leaving people begging for more oh. I’ll write so frequently that you’ll beg me to stop. lol.
    @Aso: Wow. When I feel that way about somebody, it either means that my path has crossed theirs before (somehow) or will cross theirs soon or that we’re connected somehow. I believe that sometimes our soul/ spirit? sends us vibes when we meet someone that we share a connection with. You’re right, our grans may have known each other or we ourselves may have met before in real life.
    @Nana Darkoa: So my number 1 crush thinks that I’m hot erh? #SCORE! is all I’m going to say for now. Lol.

  8. Malaka says:

    Me, I don’t like these Bluuuured Lines! (You must sing in Robin Ticke-esque voice.)

  9. Maddie says:

    Ekuba, I am looking forward to reading about your Nana! She is amazing.

    • Ekuba says:

      @ Maddie: thanks, second installation coming up by the end of this week!
      @ Nana Darkoa: makye wo!I have caught you. Guess who linkedin told me had been looking at my page?…

      • Nana Darkoa says:

        Hahahahahaah. Yes @Ekuba, I did go to your Linked In page, but the picture was soooo small. I was squinting 🙂 You need to send me a full image of yourself so I can recognise you when we finally meet x

  10. AM says:

    By the way Ekuba, you are a pretty young thang judging from the obscured picture….yes oo. Can I have your number?? Thanks in advance.

    • Ekuba says:

      @ AM: lol thanks & of course you can have my number. But since you appear 100% straight, I don’t even know what you’ll do with it…
      @ Nana Darkoa: yes, that picture is small paa it’s true. Don’t worry, I have a blog post to do in a few weeks about weight loss & how it increases your libido, & I will put up pictures of myself for that post(with my face cut off of course hahaha but I’ll send you the actual pictures). Deal?

  11. AM says:

    Yes darling I’m straight oo, but even a tree that is straight, has curves and bends, no? Look well well at a tree today, and tell me how straight it is. Sometimes it has protrusions…

    Nnnena Marcia and Abena G. Is it that you guys derive orgasmic pleasure from torturing people?!

  12. Barefootcountessa says:

    Fantastic wow your grandmother sounds awesome and indeed a great teacher….love this post

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