As I mentioned in the vlog, I didn’t have my first sexually induced orgasm until two years into my marriage. It’s not because my husband is a crap lover, but rather because I had 18 years’ of experience of playing at the same role: faking the achievement of absolute pleasure.
Eventually, with some coaching and some mental calisthenics on my part, I finally achieved my first orgasm that didn’t include a fantasy about shoes of shopping. And for any woman who climaxes regularly during sex, she will tell you that it is an achievement. A female orgasm, like goals in a premier league football match, are not easy to attain.
Unlike men who mostly get off on physical stimulation (not all men of course), I think that women experiencing orgasms have as much to do with the mind. For African women, who carry the weight of their world on their shoulders every day, achieving an orgasm can be even more difficult because we have so many concerns to get past mentally: Issues of guilt, trying to please our partner, putting his physical needs above ours, and settling for what we get as we have been trained to do as “good women”. Of course, there are those of us who rebel, which is why Adventures exists!
I have a friend who says that she doesn’t even DEAL with guys who refuse or hesitate to go down on her. She has decided that she will always get off first, and see to his needs second. This is wise policy, because of all the effort it takes to achieve an orgasm. If you have a lazy lover, it’s as bad as having a lazy striker on your team. He (or she) has to have the drive to get the ball into the net!
A passionate lover is so essential to achieving orgasms. I have yet another friend who dated a guy who told her it was his SOLE goal to make her cum. Every. Single. Time. And true to his word, he wouldn’t stop until he had her calling on every known deity and pleading for whatever came to mind. When she encountered men whose negotiations included the phrase “Ahhh, well, if I have to go down on you in order for you to go down on me, then I won’t do it”, then expected to pound the stuffing out of her, she promptly sent them back to sender.
Ah! I WISH I had the gall to do this is my younger days. TWO decades wasted! No, no, my sisters. Life is short. Have orgasms.
*Sorry for all the football analogies. I have Ghana v Egypt on the brain today.