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Update

Dear Adventurers,

It’s with a heavy heart that I write to announce the death of my beloved granny. She passed away 4 days ago and she was 87 years old. When I hurriedly booked my flight back to Ghana a month and a half ago, I hardly knew that it was going to be the last time I saw her. My very last meeting with her was really hard. I went to visit her at her nursing home with my mother & my girlfriend. She looked so different that it took a lot of inner strength for me not to break down & cry. She was so much smaller than I had last seen her- she had lost a considerable amount of weight. Her hair had been shaved- probably because she got into a coma & they did not want her head to be entangled & her face was slightly paralyzed from the stroke she had recently suffered. Yet she was so happy. Despite her swollen feet & the pain in her chest, she talked cheerfully about how delicious the food she was served was & how happy she was to see me. She narrated to the nursing home staff how my mom had left me to her to be raised when I was just 2 months old. She smiled at my girlfriend, asked her her name & said that she was so happy that my girlfriend had come to see her a few weeks previously. I shivered as goose pimples swelled up on my arms because I knew that my girlfriend had never gone to the home to see my granny- she’d wanted to but she was shy to go alone & so we decided we’d go when I came to Ghana. Weirdly enough though, my girlfriend later told me that when she got to the nursing home, she felt as if she’d been there before & she felt as if she’d met my granny before… When I said goodbye to Nana, my granny, I had no idea that would be the last time I saw her.

Nana taught me so much- how to be a strong woman, how to be a survivor, how not to be bogged down with self pity but to soldier on in life.  I can barely believe that she’s gone. This is not the first time I’ve been bereaved, I lost my dad several years ago & I know that my grandmother was advanced in years, being the same age as the Queen of England is now. And yet… how can you ever deal with the death of the woman who raised you? For now I’m numb & I haven’t shed a tear since I heard of her passing. I wonder if it’s because I’m going to have a huge weeping session later or if it’s because I was more or less depressed before it happened. I read somewhere recently that depressed people deal very calmly with bad news because they expect it.

I hope you’ll all pardon me for not writing on the ‘Gran Says’ series & for the fact that I’m going to take a break from it. During the time that my granny was seriously sick, it was really hard for me to write- I was just at an emotionally difficult place where it was torturous to write about her. Now that she’s gone forever, it seems near impossible to write about her without breaking down emotionally. And yet… I know that time will ease the pain & someday, I’ll be able to write about her again & to continue the story I started to write about her life. Until that time, I’ll write about other topics & start my ‘sex & the church’ blog . So I just wanted to write to tell all of you to appreciate & love those who are dear to you because you never know when they will be gone.

Love you all,

Ekuba (in mourning)

 

weeping woman

About the Author

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Published on: 28 December 2013 by in Creative Non Fiction, General Issues, Gran

has written 22 stories on this site.

24 Comments
  1. ;) says:

    my poor baby xxoo

  2. Phumu says:

    So sorry for your loss, losing a loved one has never been easy. Time is a healer, it will become much easier to bare in its own time

  3. Nana Darkoa says:

    Hun, sending you lots and lots of love.

  4. cosmicyoruba says:

    Ekuba I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and good vibes to you, may grandma rest in peace.

  5. Epiphany says:

    Please take comfort in the fact that you were able to see her before she passed and know she would not want you to be sad. Thanks for sharing this amazing woman with us. Sending you love, strength, and prayers. Also, consider continuing to write the series, or a letter to her, or a poem for her tribute…u don’t have to share it…but if writing is the best way you express yourself you may find it unexpectedly therapeutic xxx

  6. Saffron says:

    Ekuba — My condolences. Sending you lots of cyber hugs.

  7. Nana says:

    My condolences to you and your family. Lots of love your way.

  8. Kofi Ametewee says:

    Be comforted by the memory of her love and her several selfless gifts to you and others..

  9. Naa Adjeley says:

    My condolences dear…hugs

  10. Miss K says:

    Big hugs sweetie.

  11. Maddie says:

    So sorry for your loss Ekuba.

  12. Purple Tussle says:

    sorry dear, be consoled.

  13. VancouverB says:

    Ekuba,
    We hope you’re comforted by the fact that your granny has been of immense help in health and sickness to you and all of us through the granny series. I’m certain she would want you to be comforted because she lived a very full life.

  14. AM says:

    @ Ekuba,

    May the peace of God that surpasses all human understanding envelope you, yours and your entire family. Amen.

  15. kofi Larbi says:

    Have my condolences on your Granny’s passing Ekuba. Though it is a very trying time to write, you should think of it and be grateful that she left you a wealth of experience to share with the world and let that be her legacy to,the world through you.
    Thank you for the granny series.
    God grant you and your family strength to carry on.

  16. Ekuba says:

    Dear All,

    Thank you so very much for your kind comments. I come here to read this page regularly when I need emotional strength to go on so please don’t stop posting your encouraging remarks. I’m just hanging in there for now & I trust that everything will be fine. The funeral is at the end of this month. Bless your hearts and love to you all.

    Ekuba

  17. Seeta says:

    So sorry for your loss

  18. Seeta says:

    quick question…. does your mom n your granny know your girlfriend is ur girlfriend and not a just a female friend?

    • Ekuba says:

      Hi Seeta! My mom knows- she’s not too delighted about it. My granny never knew she was my girlfriend till she died (she met her only once)

      • Nnenna says:

        Your grandma knew your girlfriend was your girlfriend. She knew because your girlfriend told her when their spirits visited.

        These old ones know a lot towards the end and your grandmother seemed to me an especially wise woman. She was all our grandmother here on Adventures. She was our grandmother and our mentor and our shining example. My heart is heavy but I know it is not heavier than yours. But your grandmother lives because you live – another reason why you shouldn’t ever try to kill yourself. You are her link to this earth and as long as you remember she will never die.

        Rest in peace mama. Till we meet again – and in my case, for the first time!

  19. Kiki says:

    So sorry for your lost ekuba. Not been here in a while! 🙁

  20. Seeta says:

    I didn’t think so…. I’m sure ur love will convince her. To me thats the most important thing, doesn’t matter who u choose to share it with, it’s all about love.

  21. Malaka says:

    Ekuba, darling, I’m just now catching this. I’ll add my voice to the chorus and say that even though I never met your gran in the flesh, I felt like I ‘knew’ her. She is very dear to me. I supposed it’s because I have been living vicariously through your relationship. I also lost my grandmother 5 years ago at 85, but unlike you, I never had the blessing of hearing so much of her life’s story from her own lips.
    As you say, time will heal this painful wound and believe it or not, it will be your great pleasure to write about granny once again. I grieve with you my sister!

  22. Ekuba says:

    Thank you so much for your continuing kind words, everyone who posted here. You have no idea how much comfort I find in your words. Anytime I miss my granny or feel down, I log in here & i cheer up after a few minutes. Bless your lovely hearts for all your kind words. much love

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