Certain words flow in vein with the term virgin; naïve, unadulterated, pure, immature, wet-behind-the-ears etc. None of these words would appropriately describe me. I don’t need to be told not to drink in the company of a guy I don’t trust completely, I am not naïve. The unadulterated girl would not have watched her cousins XXL videos in the dark on her cousins’ laptop then wiped previous play history. The pure one, won’t have masturbated (I swear I don’t know how my hand got down there in the first place) while reading a historical romance. The wet-behind-the-ear one wouldn’t have a video sex guide equivalent of Karma Sutra or a copy of 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire in her bookshelf (in the back row of course). And immature? That’s my antonym. I wish I could be a bit immature. You see the immature don’t over think things. The immature are rarely ever members of Anxiety Girl’s Club “leaping to the worst conclusions with a single thought”.
But the term virgin applies to me. And as I near 25 (barely three months left) and gradually give up on the romanticism which has kept me waiting for the elusive “Mr. Right”, I find more than my Harlequin-bred dreams stand in the way of breaking that hymen and freeing my sexuality once and for all. I know too much, and when it comes to being a virgin that seems to be a problem.
You see it is that credulous virtue of virgins (which I lack) that allows/enables them to be “swept off their feet”. It is the simple childlike curiosity that pushes them to “not think” and just “do”. Unfortunately I lack that too. With a shrewd virgin, like I, complications arise which walk hand in hand with and usually surpass the guys ability to sweep her off her feet.
There are issues like body confidence, undressing with the lights on and exposing the inner thighs darkened by friction or the curves spilling over to folds. At the age of 15-19 with some smooth neighborhood boy this wouldn’t have been an issue and the lights would probably be off. But the shrewd virgin is grown and KNOWS what men say about women they’ve fucked. She’s heard them describe someone with stretch marks as a tigress. And that knowledge haunts her.
Unlike the unadulterated virgin, this one, this well-informed one has seen dicks off and on TV, held them in her hands and so is pretty sure her face will not register surprise or awe if a certain guy unloads a tiny wiener. Unlike the inexperienced she’s felt an orgasm, hell she’s studied orgasms (and found eleven different types exist), discussed them in precocious detail with girlfriends and with precise imagination already has high expectations. While it is common knowledge that the first time will hurt, she has this personal memory of getting hurt just by masturbating and can’t help but hesitate. After all whoever it is you will hurt for better be worth it right?
And mature, yes, this breed of virgin is especially conscious, the kind who has gone right to the brink only to stop and “wait stop, we can’t do this” and run out of bed, leaving a very aroused and irate guy in bed- her bed- while she goes to sleep on the carpet in the living room. Or not sleep. She has plans, goals and after all these years of not counting days the idea of becoming like your friend Christine who is constantly worried if the 30th comes without her seeing her monthly (Christine would happily trade her salary for that monthly) baffles and unnerves you. You have studied the different types of contraceptives; the pills make one fat (or in this case fatter), the other methods require going to the hospital and in your society with family and friends all over that will not do. And condoms? You don’t trust them. You know of one too many oops stories.
More so, this matured virgin has had a LOT of time to think about this, so it’s not easy to sway her and there’s a lot to fret over. She has way more than just the kiss on her mind while kissing. She (in typical Anxiety Girl mode) foresees less than reverence on his face if/when there’s a morning after. With her imagination she anticipates the inflexibility of limbs while you two are entwined (if it ever gets to that). What if she wants to pee in the middle of the act? Shouldn’t you bathe first and be all fresh, and definitely he should if he wants head! Her “prophet of doom eye” sees her getting tested for HIV, or Syphilis or some other terrible STD.
Yes maybe both should consider testing prior to the act, but there are so many STD’s (and she has studied too many of them) how many tests do you ask a guy to take before all idea of romance is lost? Do STD specialist consider this? Think how the “sweeping her off her feet moment” is ruined if she whips out a list and starts interrogating him
Crabs? What’s that?
Herpes- I dunno.
Okay we’ll just stop right now.”
Shrewd Virgin forecasts all this and when you think about it this way, the movie scenes and novels seem overly simplistic. There are a million different factors to figure out. And she doesn’t know if and how she will do so. So somewhere out there the some women are waiting at the brink, hesitating no longer in wait of true love but as a consequence of being a know-it-all virgin.