“You are a pastor’s wife. How do you reconcile that with the sort of material you blog about?”
It might amaze you frequently I am asked this question; or then again, it probably does not. The idea of the model Christian woman – a woman who is betrothed to the frock, particularly – is that she be frigid, dutiful and demure both in bed and in public.
I am none of those things.
I never was when my husband met me 21 years ago, and I certainly am not now.
I think it’s wholly unfair to expect your significant other to change who they are on a fundamental level in order to further your personal/political/professional aspirations. Barack never asked that of Michelle (instead, he lovingly thanked her for taking a job she never wanted and ultimately making the endeavor her own), so I don’t see why it should be asked of me or any other woman who runs with the wolves! A Christian woman can (and should be, in my opinion) wild, exciting and unpredictable. There’s space for that in the bible.
I understand how difficult it is for people to reconcile the idea that a church-going woman should write so openly (and with such rawness) about sex. It flies in the face of everything we are taught about holiness and femininity. However, I believe that cognitive dissonance is as a result of a certain willful forgetting: Yes, Christians (and all followers of Abrahamic religions) ought to be holy, but we are human first and foremost. There’s that, and most people have never read their bible cover to cover. The contents might shock you.
There’s more to God’s word than harbingers of doom for the disobedient or the promise of prosperity if you would “just sow a seed” in faith. The bible covers a range of topics. For the lover of science fiction, there is a fire-breathing dragon in the book of Job. For the adrenaline junkie there is drag racing in the book of Nahum. And if you ever find yourself in need of something steamy to titillate your more primal senses, there is Song of Songs (Solomon), which is poetic in its delivery, but downright nasty when you read between the lines. I, personally, am a fan of nasteee.
The Church as an organization has made a big deal of premarital sex and promiscuity, and for good reason. Before the advent of penicillin, one (assumed) way of limiting the spread of STDs was to limit one’s body count. As the details of Usher’s recent lawsuit reveal, there are few things more horrific and life impacting than encountering a diseased dick. Nevertheless, promiscuity falls in the spectrum of human behavior, and Solomon loved the Shulamite girl for her less-than-chaste tendencies. In coded language, he describes how he craves her kisses, how he longed to fondle her breasts, and – I’m fairly certain – expressed an explicit desire to perform cunnilingus. Likewise, the Shulamite girl confesses her excitement about his inclination for voyeurism (he watches her through her bedroom window), how his cologne intoxicates her, and several mentions about consuming his ‘raisins’ and ‘apples’.
Let’s not forget how she opens the door in a state of undress when she heard her beloved calling her name on the other side (Unfortunately for our heroine, she failed to clothe herself properly before chasing after him and caught an L from the watchmen who were busy policing her body).
I slept, but my heart was awake,
when I heard my lover knocking and calling:
“Open to me, my treasure, my darling,
my dove, my perfect one.
My head is drenched with dew,
my hair with the dampness of the night.”
3 But I responded,
“I have taken off my robe.
Should I get dressed again?
I have washed my feet.
Should I get them soiled?”
4 My lover tried to unlatch the door,
and my heart thrilled within me.
5 I jumped up to open the door for my love,
and my hands dripped with perfume.
My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh
as I pulled back the bolt.
6 I opened to my lover,
but he was gone!
My heart sank.
I searched for him
but could not find him anywhere.
I called to him,
but there was no reply.
7 The night watchmen found me
as they made their rounds.
They beat and bruised me
and stripped off my veil,
those watchmen on the walls.
Can you see this scene in your mind? I do believe my panties got a little wet!
As the bible says, there is nothing new under the sun. Where the topic of sex and sexuality is concerned, there is little that I as a married Christian woman have written that has not been written before. Have there been other women married to the frock who have written risqué tomes? I have no doubt. The tragedy is that we do not know their names and faces because religion has inextricably glued shame to sex, romance and seduction and these women have been forced into hiding, either concealing their faith and/or their identities. Hell, I felt compelled to do the same when Nana and I first launched Adventures.
How can I be a pastor’s wife and still write erotica? Because God approved it first in the heavenlies and added hot sex into His/her holy word. 🙂