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Should I Let Him Come On My Face?

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Okay, ma pipos, listen to dis. I was reading an article on jezebel.com. It was written in 2012 but for some reason I only just discovered it. It was by this man who basically wanted to share his thoughts on ‘facials.’ For those of us who don’t know, this is basically when during sex, at the height of his climax, just before he comes, the man pulls out of your vagina (or mouth, if you were giving him head; or butt, if you were having anal sex) and ejaculates all over your face. It’s a staple in porn and from my unofficial surveys it seems to be a fairly recent thing. As in, they weren’t doing this in the 90’s or really even in the early 2000’s. It’s like a last-ten-to-fifteen-years sort of matta. And of course, since a lot of men mimic what they see in porn, facials have become a not uncommon part of the modern sexual experience. Like oral sex or anal sex, it’s gone from something that used to be considered fairly exotic to a not-infrequent act.

Now, a lot of people feel that porn is degrading to women. And that a lot of the things that are popular in porn are popular BECAUSE they are even more degrading than usual. The argument goes that men, particularly those who watch a lot of porn, like to see women being hurt, humiliated and reduced to receptacles for sperm. So pornography is made to play to those desires. A man ejaculating on your face is an embodiment of that act. It’s literally making you a “cumbucket.”

The guy who wrote the article on Jezebel was trying to counteract this belief. His argument was that facials, rather than being viewed as an act of degradation by women, should be viewed instead as an act of affirmation that women bestow upon their male partners. Like, instead of thinking that the guy is trying to insult you, you should see it as the guy needing you to love him. The article makes the point that men go through their whole lives being told their sexual desires are dirty and that women are doing them a favor by having sex with them. From the first time they touch a chick men learn that women aren’t fond of having semen anywhere on their bodies except in their vaginas, and preferably a condom. Women don’t like to swallow after blow jobs and usually hate sperm in their mouths. And women generally react to semen like it is a messy inconvenient thing.

So, in the author’s view, most men grow up with a complex about their penises and particularly their sperm. They yearn to be accepted by women. They yearn for every part of them to be loved. And when a girl is so open to them, so desiring of them, so enthusiastic about interacting with their dicks and its ‘products’ that she wants it all over her face, they feel affirmed and loved. Watching the woman on her knees, her face eagerly turned up for the baptism of their climax is the ultimate act of acceptance. She loves their cum and, by extension, she loves them from head to toe, from heart to soul.

Adventurers, when I tell you the comment section for the article was on fiiiiiiiire I am not joking. Women had a looooot to say about this. One girl talked about how she agreed with the article because the first time her boyfriend came on her face he just stood there smiling after he had finished. He kept gazing at her with this wonder in his eyes and then he blurted out a heartfelt (and his very first) “I love you.” Other women were like “Nah fam. What too be dis one? This is some present continuous nansins! Stay woke oh my sistas, stay woke.”

Personally, I don’t have a problem with sperm. I agree with the argument that men don’t often feel affirmed sexually. I believe most men, growing up, get the message that their penis is something women endure rather than celebrate. I agree that some women treat sperm like battery acid and if guys treated pussy juice like that like we go bore. I adore penises, we’ve discussed this. And I make sure to convey this to every one of them I interact with. Yet, I’ve never had a man come on my face. It’s just never come up. But honestly, I don’t know how I would react if it did.

My first instinct is that I would slap him like I was a Makola woman. But a part of me wonders if that would not just be a knee-jerk reaction shaped by the repressive sexual beliefs I grew up surrounded by. Like, on some “Who do you think I am? I’m a lady, wati” type of thing. Which kind of plays into that problematic ‘whore vs angel’ distinction. Y’know, the one where men think some girls are bad girls (nasty sluts, shashis, only see her in corners, can’t introduce her to anyone, not wife-able) and some girls are good girls (pure, innocent, untouched, can meet friends and family, Mrs-material) and only nasty girls will do some types of tings. Which of course ends up in them wifing the ‘innocent girls’ and cheating on them with the ‘nasty girls’ because they demselves ee be nasty tings dem wan do.

I am a firm believer in the fact that no consensual sex act is taboo. And that everyone’s idea of nasty is different so it’s a little unfair to go around saying things people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is nasty. For some people nasty starts at kissing; for some people it’s not nasty until eating pussy comes up for discussion; for some people nothing is nasty until you reach trumuski-levels (anal); for some people saliva, pussy juice, cum and squirting is fine but once they hear piss and shit, then game over. And for some people nothing is nasty until you start fucking animals. Nasty is relative. So whenever I hear facials and think ‘ugh naaaaasty’ I try to check myself. After all, I am certain there are some women who either enjoy some aspect of watching a man come on their faces or like the sensation of the semen on their skin or something. So I can’t judge them for asking guys or allowing guys to come on their faces.

However, I also know from talking to people, that there are a lot of women who perform sex acts simply because it is expected of them. If the man says do, they do. And for those people I feel a certain amount of anxiety. I also have practical questions, like “What if it gets in your eye?” Semen contains citric acid, oh. That shit must burn like kpakposhito. “What if it gets in your hair?” I can understand if you’re a white girl and have a straight situation going on, plus most of them wash their hair every day, but what if you’re of Negroid descent? If your hair is permed, that is an emergency appointment at the salon a week before your appointment. And you have to come up with a creative explanation for the konkonsa hairdresser. If you have a weave or a wig, that shit is going to have to be evacuated with the quickness. The unit might be fresh, saf. Then you have spoilt money, in this African economy. If your hair is natural, then you’ve fucked up your twist-out/afro/crochet braids/marley twists/ whatever. I personally have locs. I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if cum was embedded in there. Just thinking about it is getting me heated, kwraa.

I think there are probably guys who feel like a woman wanting their semen on her face is an act of affirmation. I also think there are a bunch of guys, probably a majority, who get off on the idea of women as lesser-beings and view the picture of a woman on her knees with semen on her face as the ultimate representation of her position as an object. And there are probably some guys who don’t fall into either category who do it just because they’ve been told they should by what they watch or what they hear other men say.

Before any face-coming happened, for me, I know I would want to know which category a guy fell in. If it was the second one, I would run. If it was the third one I would run (what, you can’t think for yourself?). If it was the first one, I guess I would consider it for a second but I would be more interested in finding out which other acts of affirmation were available to us before we got to that point. I mean, me alone, I can think of ten. I think it would take a couple of hours of persuasive revisionist feminist theory; like some serious academic articles with an annotated bibliography, citations, testimonials and all kinds of receipts — plus a letter from a therapist saying that he has been evaluated for misogyny and none of it was found in his psyche — before I could start to think about it from a place of possibility. And in the unlikely situation that I even agree, w’allahi his aim better be amaaaaaaazing. I am talking Olympic archery precision. Because if sperm gets into my locs or my eyes I will beat him like he is my child.

People, what’s your view on this face-coming ting? Yay or nah? Plus reasons.

23 COMMENTS

  1. VV is back!!!!! It’s so good to have posts by some of my favs (you and Nnenna Marcia on here again).

    I burst out laughing so hard at the end of this post.

    Major side eye at the idea that allowing a man to cum on your face is a way of affirming him. There is just something so ewww about that for me – one can come on other parts of my body (somehow that is not eww for me), but even then in my head I am like ‘is that really necessary?’ just cum neatly into a condom and lets be done with it 🙂

  2. I liked reading this. I dont understand why men would need women to be on their knees with cum all over their faces to feel affirmed?. I disagree with the fact that men don’t feel affirmed sexually and if most women treat penis as something to endure rather than celebrate, it’s because because they have been taught that sex is bad and if we enjoy it we are worthless whores. If men want to change it, wanting women to have cum all over their faces is certainly not the answer. Plus, i think there’s a false equivalency between sperm and pussy juice in the text. It’s definetely not the same, and even if it was, will women want their men to be on their knees, covered in pussy juice, in order to feel affirmed? I dont think so. I think it’s not a matter of nasty, like the writer said, it’s relative. But men need to undestrand than sperm isn’t a magical potion we all want to drink and be covered up with by default. It doesn’t taste good, it doesn’t smell good. Most men woudn’t even touch their own cum. I like the lasts paragraph, if a man wants to cum on my face, we’ll have to discuss it and he’ll have to go through a anti misogynistic / porn brainwashing check-up. If a man cums on my face without those pre-requisite, he can be sure to catch these hands.

  3. I just love the way you write, laughed my head off.

    My spouse and I both watch porn, usually together but not always (gotta have some secrets after all). Somehow the idea of facials has never come up. Not sure she’d like it though. Cum on the tummy, thigh, butt or back is normal. they’re the quickest and most natural places to put it after a quick withdrawal (Massa, forgetti condom no)! But the face would seem so forced or intentional. I think it would be interesting but not very natural.

    Ok weird afterthought, I had an ex who always swallowed. Funny I thought of that as natural too!

    • JK, I’m so glad to meet a kindred spirit!

      I’m a swallower too, I just keep gulping as its coming out, and I like to lick those last drops of cum on the tip and feel the dick getting soft in my mouth. Until I started talking to other women I didn’t even know spitting it out was a thing. The first time I heard it I remember thinking “Chale, that’s a little hurtful.” I mean if a guy started wiping his tongue after eating my pussy I would be sad.

      But a couple of years ago I was dating a guy who had really nasty semen. I don’t know what the reason was but his jizz was bitter, and oily. Trying to swallow it made me want to puke. I still couldn’t bear to spit it out in front of him so I would just keep my mouth slightly open and let it ooze down my chin and drip on my chest. I don’t think he was hurt, but after that experience I started having some empathy for girls who don’t swallow and thinking “Maybe they have some good reason.”

      But I still kind of side-eye that practice of spitting it forcefully into a tissue with a disgusted face or running to the bathroom to spit into the sink or something. Or yelling “Don’t come in my mouth, don’t come in my mouth.” But to each their own, chale.

      I don’t mind cum anywhere on my body. I’ve had it on tummy, thigh, butt, back, tits, wherever. I don’t care if you want to rub it into my skin and I don’t feel grossed out when it dries and leaves that white crusty whorl. ‘ll sleep in it, whatever.

      But I agree with you about the face, it seems so… “deliberate” and something about that doesn’t sit right with me.

  4. Ooohhhh this is very juicy. I actually think I have a suppressed fascination with sperm. I don’t mind swallowing and I don’t mind cum on my breasts…so I think cum on the face would be fun. But only if it adds to my sense of pleasure and power (I realise the kore powerful I feel the more pleasure I have) so I’m down for a facial. ???

  5. Lois Lagos, I’m also waiting to hear all about it. A few girls (Ghana) have taken a facial from me in the past. It’s not something I really dig. Sucking me off and swallowing or spitting is cool but let me come inside does it for me each time (all precautions observed)

    • Kwame, I’m all about the inside too, lol. When you had facials in Ghana, did the women ask you to come on their faces or did you make the request?

  6. VV, it’s been many years and I don’t really remember exactly. I probably did ask but I sure do remember that they were pretty eager to try. During my university days and for a few years after, I really got to find out that my lovely Ghana girls really like to get it down and dispense with their erroneously perceived famed inhibitions once they realise that you don’t judge

  7. As soon as I read the title my first reaction was NO! Let’s be politically correct in regards to the benefit of semen which is zero for facials…the end! However, on the other hand semen can still screw you if he has an STI/STD. Now, the real reason I said NO…was just because I honestly believe it’s degrading and too fucking sexually empowering for the scum bag that is doing it :). Nevertheless, I like to feel the gush in my vagina and not it my face. Enjoy!!!!

  8. Hey,
    Haven’t laughed this hard in a long while, my first facial was a request by the gal, we were having sex and as an incentive for me to withdraw she had a habit of suggesting parts of her body I was to cum on. The day she said cum on my face I dully obliged.I don’t think she found it degrading, but she is the only one who has ever made that request, mostly its boobs or arse…am still waiting for my cum to be fully swallowed…most gals suck dick once its soft n you have cum on a part of their body……you love your locks…..lol

  9. Honestly. VV (if I may be farmiliar) this is a truly seductive and humorous piece. Before i discuss a segue topic to this issues. Let me comment on the facials, i thought it was weird when the first and only time i tried it..(i was goung for coming in the mouth and accident poo hoo) anyways my ex, surprised and gracious as she is… then didnt mind and asked if it was porn thing? Was I working through some dominance issues? I really didn’t know but I knew i didn’t necessary feel sexually affirmed that way. It did raise a lot of questions for me, especially with men ( and often women lol) transferring what they see and learn in porn into the bedroom, where is the line between sexual adventure and your partner using you to work out some mental issues? Be it facials ,coming in the mouth,boobs or coming on the butt (which I am advocate of..lol)..at which point do I have to worry..because as much as we talk and read..visual stimuli does play a deep role in recreating sexual fantasies…and my new woman and I decided to try some porn together to try and you know ..gel… now she has taken a keen interest very ..very physical sex especially when she is moody or pissed off…Should I bring it up or just agree she is exploring her sexuality…advice anyone?

    • Ha! Interesting observation about your girlfriend. I think you should bring it up in a non-judgemental, more curious to share your observations kind of way. Like, ‘hey hun, I’ve noticed x and its just been an interesting observation to make because that wasn’t the case before. Are you finding out that really physical sex helps you work off a bad mood?’ or something along those lines. Do you see what I mean? I think the important thing is you don’t come across as judging her…and that you ask yourself why (you may not be bothered but I get the sense that you may be a tad concerned because you are wondering if this is something she picked up from porn) you are bothered by her wanting to have very physical sex when she is moody or pissed off. And it also makes me wonder, what kind of sex do you like? More romantic loving sex? Perhaps its an opportunity for you both to chat about the kind of sex (can we pluralise sex – kind of sex(es) :)) you both really enjoy and when…

  10. God I was cackling at the end of this post. This right here “plus a letter from a therapist saying that he has been evaluated for misogyny and none of it was found in his psyche”… is word, verse and chapter. Let’s talk about other ways to affirm you but my face di3 nope.

  11. Thanks Nana.so I took your
    your advice of bringing the topic up in a non judgmental way..she said she is under tonnes of stress lately with her job..it makes her edgy and tense.and horny…and very physical sex does the trick (its harder than the time i joined the gym..damn)..i mean its exciting ..it seems she wants to try more unconventional things..really i am always up for variety and experimentation (even though 50 shades of grey bored me to death) I mean a sexual experience is should be like good food..satisfying with new flavours..but i don’t want to be dick who sits on a lady’s sexual liberation..? so we will see where the river takes us. ??

    • 🙂 Yay! Good job on bringing this up openly with your partner. Lol’ing at this being harder than the time you joined the gym. Get that workout in! 50 shades was sooooo boring…much as I think its great to satisfy your partner you should also be open and honest about your feelings…don’t go along with something if it doesn’t work for you. Perhaps you two can find a happy medium. Good luck!

  12. YOU WROTE: “However, I also know from talking to people, that there are a lot of women who perform sex acts simply because it is expected of them.”

    What about the fact that women have far, far lower testosterone (and hence, sex drive) then men? And that men (especially those in a long-term relationship) most often end up feeling badly deprived of sex?

    Bettina Arndt explains this quite well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26fxeKdgSO0

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