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Men: if you hate period sex, you have issues

Nana, can you imagine that Auntie Rose came to town today? It’s the worst possible timing. I am flying tomorrow to Berlin to meet up with Kofi. I am desperate for some good action and now I just have to hope that Auntie Rose leaves town in 3 days.

 

Ah, but Ama what are you talking about? You guys can still get it on.

 

I know but Kofi refuses to have sex when I am on my period. I have tried to convince him that period sex is completely normal but the very idea of it freaks him out.

 

My friend and I had a version of the conversation above a few hours ago. I have had my own experience of being in a relationship with a man who was so freaked out when he saw blood on his dick after we had been fucking. At the time, he was my first lover, and his reaction, “oh my god, what is that? It’s an abomination! Did you know you were on your period?” in turn freaked me out, and for years meant that I refused to have sex whenever I was on my period. I now see that act – of refusing to have sex with a menstruating woman – as misogynistic, and a sign that said man has bought into age-old beliefs that regard women as dirty during their periods. Now why would I want to be with a man (or woman) who thinks that for 6 days of every month I am not clean enough to lie with?

 

I still have a lot of appreciation for a former boyfriend who went to great lengths to prove to me that I am desireable EVERY day of the month. Through him I came to realize that OMG, oral sex during my period is next level amazing. I guess all the hormones coursing through my body during that time are good for something after all. And yes, I know for some, your imagination has gone into overdrive now but let me help you dispel some of those Dracula inspired visions. There are many ways to have oral sex whilst menstruating, and still not get into any direct contact with blood! (Perhaps those who know how to do this can share their own tips and experiences in the comments below)

 

Nowadays I have a healthier attitude towards period sex (although I am not fully where I want to get to yet). Day 4 of my period is usually a good day for me to get jiggy – my flow is light, and I’m not worried about turning my white sheets a vibrant shade of red. I am not a huge fan of sex in the shower but on heavier days, doggy style in the bathroom also works wonders. There’s no risk of messing up the sheets, and you can hop into the shower straight afterwards.

 

I’m curious to know more about other people’s experiences of period sex. Do you love it? Have you got an unhealthy fear of period sex? How have previous partners reacted when you’ve wanted to have period sex? Let’s get chatting.

illustration of a woman beckoning her man to join her in bed

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Published on: 11 May 2018 by in Creative Non Fiction

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18 Comments
  1. Karabo says:

    I once drove 6 hrs to get my groove on with my then boyfriend. Last day of my period was day 5,the day before my drive. We had both taken Friday off so we could spend the day in bed. Thursday night we got busy and once done he noticed blood on his member and had a semi fit. Come Friday morning, he left me in bed and went to work, when I called to find out where he was he told me that he decided to go to work since we can’t spend the day in bed together since I was still on my period.

    Needless to say that I went home and that was the last time he got a taste of my pussy.

  2. Airiya says:

    Wow! Interesting read. The part about the oral dex freaked me out tho. But thanx for sharing

  3. Eddy says:

    I’ve been in three real relationships so far and the last two were very sexual. the second was my first time sex partner and we had it every time of the month. period or not. she thought i would be worried but i didnt bother at all. we enjoyed it as well. oral with her during the period never crossed our minds. how do you go about that anyways? Nana help educate a brother yea.
    my third girlfriend loved sex a lot so period sex was very much done. oral surprisingly never crossed our minds in these periods. whats with tongue and blood anyways? I wouldn’t mind trying that at all

  4. Kwame says:

    Good call @Karabo. I have had period sex on and off with the missus. We both don’t mind the little mess. I don’t remember any of my exes allowing sex during their periods though

  5. Kwunume says:

    I have tried to have sex once during a ladies period, it was just too messy. blood every where.

  6. Misfit G says:

    I have had period sex with a number of partners. Mostly because we just couldn’t wait 2 or 3 more days. Lol. I must say that often the push-back/reluctance to indulge has come from the woman. So often they feel embarrassed by the “mess” and require a lot of reassuring that it’s fine. A good work around has been to do it in the shower.

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      Yes, and I think its completely understandable that we are reluctant to have sex whilst we are on our periods. I mean for a lot of us half the time we are feeling bloated, uncomfortable, and there’s blood gushing out of our pussies! You’re not exactly feeling like the sexiest at that time of the month

  7. Lyn says:

    I’m also one of those who cringes a bit about period sex — I always feel like it will be messy. But the guys I’ve been with have been surprisingly up for it, so I’ve learned to go with the flow, so to speak.
    I AM curious about the oral, though. Please share how this works! I’m very interested cos the hormones would make that so intense…

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      My personal tip would be to have a quick wash, insert a tampon and that’s it – there’ll be no flow of blood, and your partner can focus on sucking and licking your clit. Let me know if you try it

  8. Nnenna says:

    I think people prefer what they orefer. It’s different if they have antiquated beliefs but some people just don’t like blood. Nor do they have to.

  9. FFF says:

    What happens when the woman herself is squeamish about period sex? I find it quite a turn-on (and why not)? Let’s not be racist, and forget that the colour of the lube is red. But I’ve found women sometimes reticent about ‘doing it’ while on their period. And the reason is not pain.

    • Nana Darkoa says:

      No sex should happen when/if the woman is squeamish about period sex 🙂 Heheheh. Lemme try and explain my double standards using my personal experience as an example. I first inadvertently had period sex with my first lover…my period must have started mid-intercourse. He reacted in shock and horror. I initially reacted with nervous laughter, until I realised that he was truly shocked and horrified and that he regarded me as ‘dirty’ whilst on my period. That was a traumatic experience that stayed with me. Most of my subsequent lovers have completely allayed that fear…but period sex is still not a fav…mainly because I bleed like the red sea, and feel far from sexy. When I’m horny on my period I will much rather handle it myself

  10. Kofi Blankson Ocansey says:

    My reply to this would be TMI…

  11. Henri says:

    Women often don’t want to have sex for a variety of reasons, and that is fine, men should listen to them and not insist, force them, or hold any grudge against them. If a man don’t want to have sex because his woman is on her period, why should that be a problem ? I really don’t understand how a woman would break up just because of that as I saw in a comment above, or it just means that she was really seeing for sex only, which she has every right to, or there were other issues between them. Personally I have had sex when she was on her period, but would prefer not to. Why not just wait a few days, see how we love each other without sex, and after those few days we have missed it so much that it is just going to be boomshakala-good ? 🙂
    And also, why is it that not wanting to have sex during those days automatically means that a man is misogynist, sees her as dirty, not worthy of this and that ? Certainly some people hod this belief, but it would wrong to generalize and affirm that men who don’t want to make love when the woman is bleeding, share that same view of her. At that time, does he still show you love, take you out, cuddle, kiss, etc. ? I appreciate that a reader indicated above that her man still went a long way to show her that, that was not his belief and he loved her as much as every other day, even though he would no have sex with her during her period.
    Anyway, communication and trust is the key.

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