This post is for Miss Anonymous who wanted me to blog on long distance relationships
I have to be honest. I do not get long distance relationships. Seriously, what is the point? Someone please tell me…I am obviously missing something here.
To my mind, the advantage of being in a relationship is in order to have companionship and good sex with a person with whom I share common interests. I know, I don’t ask for much do I? I recognise though that there are so many more advantages in being in a relationship. There is social status, recognition, security, a recognised union in which to have children, synergy, more money…is there anything else you would add to this list? However for me, companionship and sex would be my top two. With companionship I am thinking of the whole nine yards. Someone who you can chat to, eat with, drink with, party with, gets on well with your family/friends…
So if that is the value of a relationship (at least to me), why would I want to date someone who is not in the same space as I am? The only scenario I can come up with where I would consider embarking on a long distance relationship would be if my partner lived in one of the neighbouring countries and could afford to fly over to see me every weekend! (Read previous post on A View out of Ghana: Neighbour Nigeria). Even that scenario is likely to be for a short term thrill and not sustainable.
I can appreciate that some people start off having relationships in the same space and for one reason or the other one of them has to move away. Because they are sooo much in love or want to get married in the future or do not want to break up or will be in the same space in about 2 years they decide to have a long distance relationship. In that scenario, all I can say is “good luck to you”. Seriously, I do think you need a lot of good luck, trust and dedication to make a long distance relationship work ‘cos it is WORK. At this point in time I am thinking of some of the friends I have/have had who were in long distance relationships. Cue Olu, Ebenezer and Daniel (I can’t think of any woman friends who have been or are in long distance relationship).
Olu: He and his girlfriend lived in different countries. They would visit each other often and at Christmas go “home” together for the season’s festivities. Olu loved his girlfriend very much (at least that is what he told me). Olu was also a serial cheater. He assured me that once he married his girlfriend his cheating ways would come to an end. He and his girlfriend got married last December. I don’t know if he is still cheating on her or not.
Ebenezer: Had several girlfriends who all believed they were in “long distance relationships” with him and recently got married to one of those “long distance relationships”. The other girls were all shattered, they had no idea he had been seeing other women.
Daniel: Currently in a long distance relationship, recently had sex with another woman.
Now all these men are real men, whom I know and generally have a good relationship with (of course I have changed their names to protect their anonymity and preserve our friendships) but they have not left me with much faith in long distance relationships. My point here is not that men are cheats and so cannot be trusted to have long distance relationships (I do think both men and women can be unfaithful to each other). My point is “What do you gain out of a long distance relationship? Nothing from where I stand” Please share your thoughts by commenting. I am a bit concerned that Miss Anon was looking for me to alleviate her fears about long distance relationships and I may have only added to them.
Disclaimer: I am sure that there are some long distance relationships where both partners are faithful to each other, end up in the same space and “live happily ever after”. THE END