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In Support of Safe Breath

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Dentyne is launching a “Safe Breath” campaign in the US of A. At first, I scoffed at the idea, but then I realized that they are doing to public, and more importantly, couples, a huge service. In the video link below, Marlon Wayans implores a ubiquitous audience to practice safe breath every day.

safe breath

Nowhere is this more advisable than first thing in the morning.

Morning sex is tremendously enjoyable, but it comes with an even more tremendous risk – the risk of turning your partner off with waga (bad breath).

 I will raise my hand and play myself on the altar of sacrifice by sharing first-hand knowledge of the detrimental experience of bad breath.

Our family has been snowed in (iced in, to be more precise) all this week following a winter storm that swept through the southeast. Despite the weather outside, our respective employers demanded that we each return to work today. In defiance, we lay in bad as long as possible, dreading the cold outside. It’s unnatural for a human being to be that cold.

I initiated our intimacy this morning by climbing on top of him. As we stroked each other lovingly, he grew harder and harder, and began to whisper sweet words of love.

“I love you with all my heart, babe.”

“I love you too,” I whispered back. I let out a long, drawn out breath.

At the utterance of the word “too”, I felt him growing softer and softer until he was just limp and lifeless. I caught a whiff of my own breath.

Sweet heavenly mercy did it stink!

There was no reviving him and no regrouping after that. So instead of a few stolen moments of morning delight, I was left wet and ashamed with only my kaka to keep me company as I showered away my frustrations.

Let this be a lesson to all.

8 COMMENTS

  1. How very American to use product sales to shape intimacy. Sure hubby wasn’t really worried about how a serious romp-eroo would knock him out and make him seriously late for work, thereby endangering that year-end bonus?

  2. Hahahaahah. MASI paa! Even early morning nooky has to be with ‘safe breath’, lol! On the other hand your post is a bit reassuring. I didn’t think couples with +3 children had time for morning sex 🙂

  3. @Kofi – Nah…His company was purchased by a European conglomerate. There will be no ‘year end bonus’ from those -to quote JJ – Greedy Bastards.

    MASI! Morning sex is the only tome to do it with 3+ kids. At all other hours of the day they are EVERYWHERE.

  4. 3+ Kids should not prevent any couple from having early morning sex, trust me. When you wake up early and you want to have sex just get on with it and don’t talk. Nana, the fact is that men mostly wake up early with an erection. It’s interesting to note that it is a test on how strong your heart is. If you don’t often see that then one could be heading for some heart problems. So let the women check on their men in the early hours…minus waga of course.

    Waga from Delila could turn off Sampson.

    • indeed, the morning erection is quite common across the globe, science-speak calling it “Nocturnal penile tumescence”. However, the explanation for this is a lot less romantic/erotic: while sleeping the bladder fills up (ignoring those with whatever medical condition to frequent the loo often at night) more than during waking hours. This excerts a slight pressure at some nerves. Other causes are to do what happens at the REM phase of sleep. See, for example, Wikipedia for more detailed information.

  5. Abena, dont feel bad about that morning. I’m out here giving you fans for initiating and especially for the talking. You go with your bad self! Thats what the world needs. Thats PASSION right there!
    Keep the same game plan. You don’t have to get up and go wash your mof sef. Its all about spontaneity so you dont want to waste hardness by taking time to go freshen your mouth. You can still look in his eyes and speak those sweet nothings into his ear instead of his nose.

    @ Redgoldgreen; just get on with it and dont talk???? Seriously? Now that is one of the major things that puts marriages on life support.

  6. Bad breath is strongly linked to what we eat. At night the body digests food and tries as good as possible to get rid of all the crap that gets into our systems. Part of this ‘detox’ so to speak finds its way to the surface of the tongue/mouth in general. If one would only eat fresh food like uncooked veg and fruits there would be less bad breath or none at all. Add poor teeth hygiene to the bad food people eat and you got the ‘perfect’ bad-breath-concoction each morning.

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