Home Relationships Guest Contributor Mike: ‘The Other Woman’

Guest Contributor Mike: ‘The Other Woman’

Brag that you are the other woman and you will incur the wrath of a long list of people including married women, divorced women, people from broken homes. They will all get in line ready to cut you!
If we lived in a fair world, The Other Woman would be highly revered for her constructive & positive contribution to a peaceful world.
Sadly, life is not fair and because some people have taken a very good thing and abused it, The Other Woman will forever be seen as the evil one.
If being everything a man wants in a woman was easy, a man wouldn’t be out with The Other Woman, doing things he should otherwise be doing with The Woman.

A lot of stress comes with taking a relationship into exclusive status. That stage where you are each other’s rock. Things you previously did with 6 other close friends, you now do with just one person because you are supposed to have that tight partnership. That is a lot for one person to bear long term. One might need a breather every now and then.
As humans, we favor those who please us more.
We do not hesitate when called upon by someone that brings us joy.
We often  tend to give freely, without over-thinking it, to those we know give more to us.
Wonder why The Woman is at home on saturday evening and The Other Woman is at the jazz concert with The Man?
Still wondering why The Other Woman gets flowers more often?
Watch The Man & The Woman meet after being apart for 2 days. Gentle kisses on the lips.
Watch The Man & The Other Woman kiss after being apart for 2 hours. You’d think it were the wheels of a loaded 777 kissing the tarmac on landing. High octane passion!
Oh yes, The Woman & The Man used to be that way once upon a time. Somewhere along the line, that passion disappeared.
That’s when The Other Woman was brought into the picture. The Man usually hangs around waiting for The Woman to bring the passion back. That heat.
He knows he’s still got it because it shows when he is with The Other Woman.
In his mind, until she brings it back, he’s keeping his flame alive with The Other Woman’s help. A heck of a job she has “in” her hands.
I would be wrong comparing The Other Woman to The Woman. Difficult not to, but I will try & desist from doing so.
The Woman is the entire package. She is everything The Man wants and needs. They are together because they had zero doubt at one point in time that they are the ideal life partner for each other.
The Other Woman however, is what The Woman used to be. She is in the mix, doing all the things The Woman used to do. She lights that fire in The Man that The Woman is fully capable of lighting but doesn’t anymore.
Those things that for some reason, are now a distant memory.
The very frequent spontaneous scandalous rendezvous. The thrilling capers. The stress-free hours together.
Thank you, The Other Woman! for creating harmony is numerous homes. You are there for The Man so he doesnt go home & through life cranky and depressed anymore. He goes about with the smile you put on his face and everyone is happy Well, except the one that knows she didn’t put that smile on his face. Just gwaaan! Enjoy the ride. It might be a short one. It could be end up being a long one too.
Hold tight Woman, hold tight.
When you suspect The Man is having an affair, he probably is. He is not thinking of leaving you though. You have everything he needs. For now, The Other Woman has something he wants. You have time to handle the situation. Do some failure analysis and figure out what set him on the path he’s on. That is what you address and correct.
Let it linger, and they will start catching feelings for each other.
You dont want that to happen. You chose each other for all the right reasons, and you are the smarter one.


  1. Excuses, Excuses… The Man here is full of them!

    The Man is stressed…,there is no passion blah blah blah. The Woman probably feels the same but you don’t see her running off to meet The Other Man (even though it does happen but thats not the point).

    What is The Man doing to inject some spontaniety and passion into the relationship? If he can surprise The Other Woman with flowers then surely a gesture like that might ignite a lil something something if he did the same for The Woman.

    The Man in my opinion needs to ‘man up’ and stop running away from the stress thats come with the territory.

    Forget The Other Woman and surprise The Woman with a weekend away!!

    If The Woman should and can hold tight then so can The Man.

  2. Hehehe…I think ‘The Woman’ should find herself ‘The Other Man’ or ‘The Other Woman’…whoever will rock her boat more and reignite some passion in her life. On a more serious note, thanks Mike for the contribution. I have a feeling that this is going to be one of the posts which will incite a lot of disagreements (which I believe you said we needed 🙂 )

  3. merrymary, if our world were an army bootcamp, your suggestion that The Man “man-up” would be the ideal route.
    I believe The Woman gets to a point where she asks herself “what does she have that I dont have?”. Does he still love me? How could he be doing this to me after I gave him my heart & life?.
    This here is to light up that slightly dim scene. A viable alternative to the blame game and the finger-pointing.
    Also, the woman has her reasons for not running off to go meet The Other Man. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows she will not only be putting in as much work as she could be putting into her relationship with The Man, but getting emotionally invested too. The latter doesnt happen to The Man that quickly.

    🙂 Nana Darkoa, The Other Women I’m giving props to here are the ones that don’t set out to wreck homes. It is The Man’s plot that The Other Woman falls for. They make some beautiful relationships! Although there is usually an expiration date stamped on them depending on how The Woman handles it.

    Thanks for the opportunity Nana Darkoa. I love what you do with this space.

  4. @ Mike – I don’t see women who have relationships with men who are already in relationships as ‘home wreckers’. In my opinion the ‘home wrecker’ if any such creature exists is the one (man or woman) who went outside their ‘home’ in the first place. You’re welcome 🙂

  5. I am ‘The Other Woman’

    Not just for one household, but for three. Four if you include mine.

    I will only talk for my own here. Yes, I am a happier person. I am more fullfilled. I feel better as a person. All of a sudden I am not classified as mommy and caregiver anymore, now I am a woman. A woman with needs. Not needs to wipe up spilled juice. Or to pick up after the kids.

    No needs of my own. Needs that only a man (or the occasional woman) can fullfill.

    I am not out to wreck anyone’s marraige. I am clear from the word go that there is no future, and I keep to my NSA rules. It can become difficult, but people tend to make it difficult. You tend to make things complicated for yourself.

  6. @Angel: Seriously? You have three simultaneous affairs going on in addition to your marriage? How do you make the time for all of this hammahamma-ing. I’m quite impressed with your ability to keep this many balls (ahem!) in the air.

  7. Here’s to you, Angel!
    It’s good to read from someone that can speak about both sides of this coin.

    If you ever draft a permanent fix-it plan for each of the 4 households, I’d love to read it.

  8. I understand where Mike is coming from with this BUT I think I resent the patriarchial idea that ultimately it is up to The Woman to find the flaw and fix it so as not to lose The Man. I really resent that.

    @ Mike – The ultimate problem for this couple is a lack of communication then? So would you say that is the only reason that Another Woman is sought?

    @ Angel – It’s interesting to hear your view. Not the whole ‘I am a woman again not just a care-giver/mummy/etc..’ cuz that’s always the argument given out for women cheating. But about the joy it brings you. Sometimes I think the world believe that only a man can really feel the excitement of an illicit encounter. With a man it’s portrayed as an ok reaction to boredom, but for a woman its only ever a reaction to being mistreated somehow in her marriage.

    @ Nana – The fault in a situation like this is always with the person(s) who were committed elsewhere. Any other party has not behaved nicely to his/her fellow wo/man but hasn’t done nearly as much wrong, in my view.

  9. General question to everyone – So looking at Angel’s situation of being with 3 other committed people…does that stop the development of feelings for any one other than the one who is yours? Does it represent a better solution to be cheated on with multiple people than with just one other person?

    This just came to me.

  10. @Nsoromma..resenting it will solve nothing,unless you do not want to keep your man..after all,you will w#like it if the man comes after you in the courtship phase,go down on one knee and propose etc etc..so accept that when the passion cools a spot of role reversal may hit the spot.On the other hand,it may be an good enough excuse/eason to leave the relationship and start afresh,obviously in the hope that this new devil will be of a better persuasion than the original.
    As a semi-reformed boy..I suppose we do it because we can.No other deep reasoned psychobabble there..just boyish greed,making up for ‘lost time’.
    My 2 cents.

  11. @ Mystic Man – Chasing after a man and pandering to him as a solution to all problems will ultimately solve nothing in my option. It’s not the role of a woman in a relationship to always play the guessing game and be the one to go find something to ‘make him happy’ while he is out disrespecting her by sleeping with someone else. Call me a feminist if you like, but fixing a relationship if problems arise is NOT just down to the woman. Looking to another woman as some kind of cry for attention is akin to throwing your proverbial toys out the pram, it is at once childish and to me, vaguely revolting if I am honest. The passion can cool without him falling out of my bed and into someone else’s. I just feel like 9/10 if it’s reached that stage it’s time to let it go.

    My 2 pence 🙂

  12. Sometimes the Man perhaps realizes that he settled with the Woman and made a hasty decision and she really is not the one and that the Other Woman embodies all he never dreamed was possible in a partner. ‘Like Water for Chocolate’
    Either way the Other Man, the Man, the Other Woman, and the Woman should understand that relationships and marriage are hardly ever as simple as saying ‘i Do’, having 2.5 kids, and playing the part. Marriage hardly guarantees anything.
    I say we should all men and women enjoy as many libertine moments as possible…Life is too short
    After all, just because you have hot passionate sex with someone else other than your wife or husband does not mean that you do not love them. A man can very well have a freak at home that ignites him and yet still get it on with another totally different or similar freak. 😉


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