“For some weeks now, I have been completely sexually dead! I wasn’t too worried till last night, i was with this guy and he went down on me…nothing! I felt absolutely nothing. Now that is strange cos that almost always used to do it for me. I couldn’t even fake a moan…eventually i had to make him stop! Now i am not sure what the problem is, but i want it gone, whatever it is”
I feel like going all pseudo psychoanalytic on this query I got in my inbox from Maame. I suspect feeling sexually dead is a reflection of not feeling fully alive in other areas of your life. Apart from feeling sexually dead how do the other areas of your life feel? Is sex the one activity in which you felt fully alive, and is that why feeling sexually dead makes you worried? I feel like I have more questions than answers which is what I know you want. Personally I don’t get worried when I’m feeling sexually dead because I know that feeling will pass, and usually if I am crazy busy, and stressed it can take me days to realise “Oh my gosh, I haven’t even touched myself in ages”, and that’s usually when my libido has started to return to normal levels. It’s been a few days since you sent me this email, has anything changed since then?
My instinct is to say if you’re feeling sexually dead focus on other areas of your life. Don’t go out chasing sex in an effort to feel alive. Think about what else in your life makes you happy. Do some exercise. Read a good book. Go out with your friends. Write a poem. Work on a story. Go to the beach. Live life.