“Will you be with me? ”
“If I walk out, do I have your word of honour? Your devotion?”
I couldn’t believe he was asking me to tell him to break his engagement
“I am not that much of a witch you know? You are a grown man, make your own decisions! And if you loved me enough, you wouldn’t have to ask, heck, you would never have even proposed to her! ”
This whole subject of his engagement drove me very crazy indeed.
“But Aisha, You weren’t talking to me!”
“for two weeks! Two damn weeks Kwame, I wasn’t talking to you for two weeks and you asked another woman to marry you. What will you do the next time i don’t talk to you for a month huh?”
His face went grey and he stood silent for several seconds.
“I am sorry. And you are overrating this grown man business. Grown men don’t always know what exactly to do, and look at me Aisha, I was afraid you wouldn’t want me. I am as plain as furniture and you are this stunning woman. People get confused when they see us together. How could you love me? I ask myself how every time I look in the mirror. Every man that walks past us is ogling you. I get scared, you could run off with a better man after I have put my all into this”
“Jesus Kwame! Run off? I am not a whore! Why did you not give me a chance to decide? You hurt me over your own fears? And now you come to me asking me to pull the trigger for you? I cannot do it! How does this make sense?”
I hissed and walked away.
Throughout the drive with Zeinab, I couldn’t concentrate. My mind was swimming through wreckage upon wreckage in the deep oceans.
What if I asked him to leave her? What’s the guarantee I would never leave him?
What’s the guarantee that this was really love and I would feel the same years down?
What if I didn’t treat him as well as she does?
What if I made a mistake down the road. Would he blame me? Would he regret switching? Would i constantly live in the bondage of comparison trying to do right by him?
No, I cannot carry that burden. He was the one who acted irrationally, not me.
I think I must have lost focus because I heard a dog bark in pain and run off just as Zeinab half screamed, half shouted at me! So I stopped the car and took a few deep breaths.
“Aisha, what’s going on?”
Where babe? I asked back.
“What’s going on between you and Kwame? You two seemed like you were planning some secret service mission. And if I am not wrong, that mission has completely destabilized you.”
I am always grateful for this woman Zeinab.
”You know he got engaged right?”
Heavens, that terrific reminder that won’t go away.
”I know, I promise we are not seeing each other, I got this.”
”Well you don’t seem like you got it, just remember you will be the other woman left crying in a cold room when this shit hits the fan. You are not his first choice, she is!”
”You do not understand, I am his first and best decision, that’s what he said! He asked me what he could do to prove to me I was his number one. This is all a terrible mix up. He is mine”
”No he isn’t, the woman he belongs to is the woman he is walking down the aisle with, you are just going to play yourself eventually. And he is my cousin, I love him, but I love you too and I will not let you make a fool of yourself. Let him go”
She was right. I knew I was his best decision, but what’s the use if you cannot be with your best? That relegates it to a lower rank right?
”It’s not that simple I swear to you! It’s not that simple”
”Let him go, you are nobody to him tight now, you are not even his backup, he has chosen!”
”Yes, yes, indeed he has”
It hurt but she was right and this is exactly why I had run to her. I needed the harsh truth to get my mind thinking like a sensible grown woman, not some gullible teenager stuck in limbo with idiotic teenage fantasies.
Sigh! Well, what movie are we seeing today?