God, I hated when it rained.
It was hard to hear anything above the thunder and the incessant drumming of rain upon the roof, but I did. Three loud bashes on my door threatened to take it off its hinges. It startled me from my assignment which was due in the next few days. If I was not already saturated with information I might have ignored it, but as it was I needed a break from all the facts and numbers, numbers, numbers from the compulsory accountancy course shared across several disciplines. I still do not understand what Psychology has to do with Accountancy.
I glanced at the clock as I tied my wrapper around my waist. It was ten minutes to midnight. Who could be breaking down my door at this hour? And more importantly, how did they make it past the night watchmen into the hostel? I considered briefly that it could be robbers or campus rapists or cult boys out for a night of mischief; perhaps they had tied up the guards! But I dismissed the thought. Robbers and rapists probably didn’t knock.
“Ola! It’s me! Open the door.” I recognised my classmate and best friend Bucky – real name ‘Buki’ but she preferred the other spelling because it sounded more Janded. I slammed by books shut and grabbed my lantern, cutting a swathe to my front door with its white light.
“Bucky?” I opened the door. My heart skipped a beat. The wind whipped a spray right into my face. I shivered. It was cold. Bucky waited just long enough for me to see her face by the light of my rechargeable lantern before she burst in. I shut the door and locked it behind her again. Bucky stood there dripping on my carpet, a sister rainstorm to the one outside. “What’s wrong?” I could tell she had been crying. It was not just the rain on her face, her eyes were too puffy.
“Who knows? Who cares? I left him and ran-”
“Ran where? Calm down, start from the beginning.” She was shaking, from the cold, from the wet or from being upset I couldn’t tell, Maybe it was all three.
“We were at Nonso’s party-” She didn’t need to say which one. There was only one Nonso on campus that could throw a party which Bucky would deign to attend. He was a fraternity brother of Jide’s. “And I had to take a call so I went outside, it was so rowdy I had to go quite some way away and by the time I got back he had disappeared. I caught him in a room, making out with that…” here her breath caught in her throat. “…That slut Chimdi!”
“Ooh, I’m so sorry Bucks.”
“That slut was giving him a blow job and the guys were filming her!”
“God. What is wrong with her?”
“She has slut genes. Dirty, slutty slut genes that has to gobble up any dick in the vicinity. Bitch!” And here the vehemence of her words became nullified when she sneezed one of her quaint sneezes. She wiped her nose with the back of one sleeve. “I just had to get out of there so I ran.”
I knew he wouldn’t be able to get the car out of that crowd on time,” she continued. “Not that Chimdi was letting him go, oh no. She started deep throating him when she saw me standing by the door. She is such a bitch. I hate her. I am going to fuck her up on this campus.”
Bucky’s rivalry with Chimdi was well documented on campus. They just had to outdo each other in fashion and hair and electronic accessories and holidays and shopping trips and cars. Of course, it didn’t help that Jide had dated Chimdi for a six week period in our first year before he switched to Bucks. Three years later and they were still trying to outdo each other. She sneezed again.
“Here, sit,” I pulled out my wooden study chair. “I’ll get you a towel,” I said.
“I’ll stand, thanks,” said Bucky. “Don’t you know you shouldn’t get water on wood? Honestly Ola, how long have you known me now? I keep trying to teach and teach you but you won’t learn.”
I grinned, happy that the old Bucky was still in there somewhere, inspite of the puffy eyes and the plastered weave. She started to strip off her clothes, unselfconsciously as she always did and I averted my eyes. She held them bunched in one hand when I turned.
“Could you spread these somewhere? I’m sorry but I need to crash here tonight. I can’t face Jide today, not after that humiliation.” As if on cue her phone started to ring. She looked at the screen and hissed. She switched it off. Suddenly she sniffed, a big wet sniff. She did it again. She started to cry, stuffing her hand in her mouth so that she did not make a sound.
“Oh Bucks!” I rushed to her side, towel in hand. She stood there in her dark bra and pants, shaking and crying. I wrapped her in the towel. She put her head on my shoulder and this time when I lowered her on the chair she sat.
“Tell me, what is it that I have done to Jide to make him treat me this way? It’s like he has no respect for me at all. Why would he act like he doesn’t get enough from me?”
“I know, I know,” I said wiping her tears. My heart thumped and thudded all over my chest. Bucky was so warm, her warmth came through the towel. I had had a crush on her for so long, that had been part of the reason I was determined to become her best friend. The other part was her precocious nature. It was hard not to fall for her and I had fallen. hard. I did nothing about it though. I was content to listen to her woes and help her touch-up her toes in between salon visits. Anything was better than not being in her presence, especially now that I had got to know her.
“And in front of everyone. Why, eh? Tell me.”
“I don’t know, Bucks. Men-” I trailed off. Men, what? It was not as if I had had any experience with men and I think Bucky knew it. She and I discussed men all the time, her men or men who wanted her but we never talked about mine. I think she knew I liked her. From time to time whenever any particular male – Jide – irked her, she would joke ‘Maybe I should just date women’ or she would ask me when she dressed up ‘If you were a guy, would you fuck me in this dress?’ and laugh if I hesitated in answering her, petrified by the thought of my desires being made public. It was cool. She was a flirt but she didn’t mean any harm.
“Can I get a tissue?” I went to my wardrobe and brought out a fresh roll of toilet paper. Bucky tore off a piece and blew her nose, noisily. “You don’t have any tissues? Seriously. I must get you some. You’re falling my hand.”
She stood up and stripped off her bra and pants, rubbing herself vigorously with the towel. My lantern started to blink. It gave a beep and went off. The room was plunged in darkness. I heard from Bucky’s breath that she was still rubbing away, trying to mop up every droplet of water and warm herself up at the same time. Lightning flashed. It lit up the room. Bucky’s breasts swung like pendulums as she bent over, rubbing at her feet. Thunder rumbled. My loins answered.
“Let me light the other lantern,” I said making my way to the area at the foot of my bed where I kept the kerosene lantern. I felt for the matchbox, pulled out a match and stuck it. The yellow light flared up. I pushed the lever holding the glass in place and touched the flame to the wick. A warm glow filled the room. Bucky stood naked in front of me, carefully drying out her weave.
“Dammit, this will tangle so badly. I’ll have to go to the salon tomorrow – and I’d just been for this stupid party.” She was even more careful on her hair than she’d been on her body. She caught me staring. “Can I get a something to wear? Something nice o, none of these your granny nightgowns,” she stuck her tongue out to show me she had been joking.
The nicest thing I had was a nightshirt which stopped mid-thigh. It was pink with a picture of a sleek black cat wearing pearls on it that said ‘Purrfect Princess’. I thought it suited Bucky immensely. I’d only bought it because it was a nightshirt.
“Is this Bend Down?” she asked, sniffing it.
“You don’t have to wear it. You can always tie wrapper,” I hissed, mock offended.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she joked back. Her face crumpled. “Jide used to tie a wrapper to sleep. Like one Kunta Kinte. Big boy my ass.” She started crying again.
“Look, let’s get some sleep okay? You don’t want to look as if you’ve been crying all night. Chimdi would win,” I said.
“The bitch!” she added.
I cleaned her tears. She slid into my bed, under the faded, flowery quilt. I wondered what she would say if I told her it was second-hand too. Turning down the wick, gave my hands something to do until I had to face her. I busied myself looking for just the right spot to put the lantern; the table, the chair, my window sill…
“Stop messing about and come to bed,” she said. Her voice already sounded heavy with sleep. I set the lantern on the floor where it cast a long shadow and slipped into bed behind her. Bucky whispered something.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Nothing. I am just praying for Chimdi to have gonorrhoea.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that if her boyfriend was screwing Chimdi, she would mostly likely get it too. I didn’t have the mind to tell her anything. My bed was a little bigger than a single but still not made her two. Her bottom was in my groin – the only way for us to lie comfortably – and the night shirt rode up a bit. I didn’t see that but I knew. I felt it.
I was just drifting off to sleep when I felt her turn away from the wall, facing me. Her lips were warm and soft. Too soft. Softer than I could have ever imagined. I was awake instantly.
She broke the kiss.”Am I so ugly, so undesirable that Jide would do this to me?” She had been crying again, silently so that I would not hear. Her voice was raw from crying, her voice nasal from being bunged up. I swallowed. My throat had gone dry. “Am I?” she asked again.
“No…I…no, Bucks.” It was one of those moments when you know something is going to happen. You’re aware of everything and nothing; the rain petering out, tapping on the roofs, her breath tickling my face, the heat from her hand on my belly, light-headedness from holding my own breath in anticipation. And in all this, there was only her.
“Do you want me? Do you like me? Say it. Say you want me.” She ran her hands all over my face. My heart squeezed in my chest.
It felt like death, a lifetime before I answered: “Yes. I like you. I want you, Bucks.”
That seemed to be all she needed to know. She kissed me again, hard and I returned the favour. Our tongues clashed. I had only ever kissed someone once before, in the bathroom of our girls’ boarding school – a long, secret, make-out session that formed the basis of my masturbatory material. I knew tonight would eclipse that. Bucky immediately started moaning, clawing at my nightgown.
“Oh, Bucky, Bucky.” I knew she needed me to feel good but I did not care. I knew I should but I could not bring myself to. She said nothing, kissing me hungrily, noisily, her breasts squashed against my chest. I could feel her nipples piercing the skin. I rolled one of them between my thumb and forefinger. She moaned, a low moan from deep within. “Bucks, wait.” I pushed her away slightly, feeling as though I was ripping out my own hair. “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, but I just want to know that you want this too, that this is not…something you regret later. I don’t want you to hate me. I value your friendship.”
“If you valued me as a friend, you would be there for me. You’d give me what I need from you. I need….I need…” she knelt down on the bed and pulled the nightshirt over her head.
It made sense, and I was a friend.
“Hang on,” I said throwing myself out of bed. I struck the match and lit the lantern again. I had turned down the wick so that it would go off when it burned itself out and save my kerosene. I turned it up. My breath caught in my throat. I had seen Bucky naked before obviously but always from the periphery or sneakily. Now I allowed myself a good long look.
“Wow,” I said. My clit agreed, filling my body with a sweet, throbbing sensation that I had to part my knees not to make myself cum. Bucky’s breasts were full and yet they defied gravity, somehow. She was a DD cup, I knew that much, but she so did not need a bra. She knelt there, watching me watching her, copying my slightly-splayed knees. I followed the soft, flat belly downwards. I chuckled. Even her bush looked groomed to death; short but flowing towards the centre like an arrow. I wondered whether she’d trained her pubes to do that.
“Am I pretty? Tell me I’m pretty,” she said.
“God, Bucks. You’re so fucking beautiful.”
She cupped her breasts and released them. Her breasts bounced. The lantern glowed off her skin, off the dark chocolate areolae. I took off my nightgown and crawled towards her. My face was level with her chest. I took one of her nipples in my mouth and sucked, feeling the flesh deep in my mouth. She sighed, cramming it in.
“Yes,” she said, fingering herself instantly.
I wished she would wait. Her fingers glistened. I took them, sucked them off and placed her hand on the bed beside her. I started on the other breast, alternating between rinsing each point with my saliva and sucking it dry.
Bucky inched her pussy closer to the edge of the bed. “More,” she said, spreading her thighs. I could smell her, smell her pussy’s fleshy, earthiness. I dived, swiping with my tongue. I pulled away, drawing out the threads of her juices with me. They glistened in the yellow light before breaking. I pulled down Bucky’s legs until her feet touched the floor, pulling her bum to the edge of my bed. I leaned her back until she was fully exposed to me. Even her pussy was perfect; pink, wet, symmetrical like a shell. Her engorged clit still clung to its hood. I liberated it and blew on it softly.
“Oh, mmmmm,” she closed her eyes.
I licked her with the flat of my tongue until more of her clit showed turning an angry purplish hue, then I switched to sucking. She was so tasty, I didn’t want to stop. I used my lips, tucking my teeth behind them, loving the way she glided on like the silkiest lip gloss. I lapped her, mini whips with my tongue.
“Fuck Bucky,” I said overwhelmed.
I dived again, sticking a stiffened tongue into her, fucking her with it, enjoying the sucking sounds she made each time I pushed my tongue in, like getting stuck in mud; the resistance as air bubbled pushed back against me. She spread her lips with two fingers of the same hand, an upside-down U. She was so dark pinky-red. The yellow light made her seem orange.
“There!” she commanded.
I took over from her, spreading her with both my thumbs. She seemed to pulsate from her pussy hole, like a heartbeat. Her juices flowed clear and fast. I gave her a long, long lick, glorying in her. I just knew what to do. Lifting her by her bum cheeks, I spread them to reveal her brown anus, tight like the mouth of a mean person. I gave her a long lick, lingering over her asshole and culminating at the peak of her clit.
“Oooh,” she shuddered. “Do that again.” She grabbed at her breasts, plucking her nipples as I obliged. Soon she was going up on her shoulder blades and coming back down, wiping her crack on my willing tongue. “That is so nice, oh, so nice. Mmm, fuck yes, mmm, yes….fuck me, ooh my pussy is on fire, mmm yesssss.”
Her talking was driving me mad. My southern lips dribbled in anticipatory delight. I licked her faster and faster, stopping for longer at her asshole each time because she was now mumbling ‘Eat my ass’ over and over. Her ass was delicious. It quivered on the tongue the more I ate it, as if it wanted to open for me. I grazed it with my teeth. It could take it. As soon as she started cumming, I slipped two fingers into her, tapping and rubbing at the spongy flesh deep within her. She bucked as she came, violent little thrusts aimed at my face. I wished she would squirt so that I could be bathed in her scent completely. She collapsed on the bed and I climbed in beside her. Her face was hidden in shadow from the lantern being behind me, but I saw her teeth shine in a smile. The louvres wept rain in between flashes of lightning. The patterns danced all over her skin. The shrubbery swayed, an eerie tangle of limbs scratching at my window. Normally it freaked me out but that night, nothing could touch me. Bucky was a water goddess, cast adrift on my bed, seaweeds dancing all around her. I felt very, very lucky. In my mind I blessed Jide for being a fuck-up.
Bucky slipped a thigh between my legs.
“I’m too wet,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ll come too quickly.”
“I made you wet. I love that,” she said, pushing the thigh upwards. “You want me, don’t you?”
“Yes, I want you so much Bucks. I will want you forever.”
I allowed her to draw me into a kiss. I wished I had eight mouths. I would have had one everywhere; her earlobes, her lips, behind her knees, her breasts. I ground down on her leg. A bolt of pleasure raced through me. I grabbed her soft, round ass again and pushed her towards me. The image of me eating her ass tightened the knot in my belly.
“Bucky, Bucky babes, oh God babes please…” I was talking rubbish, humping her leg faster, feeling the heat between her skin and mine. I saw her smile a fierce smile as she lifted my breast to her mouth. She undulated against my own thigh as she suckled, nipping me gently with her teeth. “Oh fuck girl, what are you doing to me?”
She pulled the breast out of her mouth and started giving it little, noisy, rapid sucks. I bounced on her thigh, feeling my ass cheeks clap with the effort. Sweat beaded under my nose, in my armpit, on my back.
“Oh Bucky, oh Bucky, I’m going to cum o, girl. I’m cumming, girl you’re killing me.”
Bucky looked me in the face, still smiling her fierce smile. She pinched my nipple hard. I lost it all over her thigh.
“Good,” she said, turning over and going to sleep. She took my hand with her, curving it around herself like a safety blanket. I felt ten feet tall. In my mind’s eye I could see myself punch a snivelling Jide in the face, screaming “You lost, buddy! She’s mine now,” right before I walked off with Bucky to have sticky, squelchy sex in my room. It was a beautiful dream. It cradled me until I felt fuzzy and warm. It had taken two years of depressing solo sessions and being at Bucky’s beck and call just to get her to see me as more than a friend. There was no way I was going to let her go now.
Whenever I felt myself drifting off again, she would turn and touch me. She stuck her fingers in my pussy to wake me. She licked my breasts. Once, she just turned so she was facing the foot of my bed and opened her thighs right in my face. The pungent smell of pussy pierced through my sleep-addled brain. I woke up slurping as she fucked my face. We tried toys too. Of course since we didn’t have any, we had to make do with vegetables from my vegetable rack. Her favourite was a carrot which I ate from inside her as she came, spreading her delicious goo over it. I knew I would never eat vegetables again, not unless they came a la pussy!
The toilet was down the hallway but I could not bear the thought of leaving her or worse, covering up her glorious body with its indented waist so I made her pee in the little bucket I used to wash my pants. She squeezed her face but didn’t seem to mind. I watched the spear of her clit, the stream of pee hitting the bucket was music to my ears. I wanted to drink from her in every possible way. I would have drunk her pee if she was into it. I wanted to be drunk on her. Towards dawn she finally allowed me to sleep, but not before I had tribbed with her, watching her O of pleasure, loving the way our clits clashed, the way she grabbed my hip to deepen the impact. Our nipples sparred. I stuck my tongue in her mouth again. She spread her ass cheeks so I could lap at her anus again. It was even more delicious the second time. My bed springs creaked and groaned. I didn’t care who heard. It was rapture.
“I love you, Bucky,” I said as I came. My pussy was a live wire. I jerked over and over as my body pushed out another orgasm from my overly-sated body.
“You lesbians are so clever. Our pussies looked like mouths kissing just then,” she said.
She was so sophisticated, it was hard to believe she had not done it before. It was the first time she had acknowledged me as a lesbian, something I had not even done myself. I knew she was just changing the subject.
“Did you hear me? I said I love you, Bucks.”
“I know, I heard you,” she touched my face. The lantern gave up the ghost just as a hint of blue-grey peeked through the shrubbery outside my window. She kissed me softly and yawned. “I’m so sleepy. Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?”
I stroked her until she feel asleep.
In the morning when I woke up, she was gone. No note, nothing.
It was two days before I saw her again, kissing Jide just as he dropped her off at our department like nothing had happened between them. Had happened between us.
“Hi,” I said.
“Oh, hi!” she said, as if she had not seen me.
“You didn’t return my calls. And I Whatsapped you…”
“No, sorry, I’ve been a bit busy with planning and all,” she flipped through some notes. When it was clear I was not taking the hint, she looked up and gave me the too-bright smile I’d seen her give naive strangers she did not particularly care for. “How have you been?”
“Fine, but listen, we need to talk. About what you said we’d discuss…” I was talking fast, trying to stop the sinking feeling in my gut. I thought about the letter I was carrying in-between my notebook; the one that had robbed me of sleep and sense, that meant I might make a low score on my assignment. I had even bought special paper for it; light-pink and flowery, like I knew she would like.
Bucky was looking everywhere but at me. She waved to some people behind me and held up a finger for ‘one minute’. The duration of our conversation was already decided.
She cut me off. “Hey, listen,” she lowered her voice. “I hope you didn’t read too much meaning into that whole ‘I love you’ stuff. It was just…sex talking, you know, hormones.” She looked around. She hadn’t even pronounced ‘sex’ properly, like she was afraid to say the word anywhere near me in case it triggered something and I pounced on her, maybe. “It was just a moment of weakness. I mean, you gave me the strength I needed to confront Jide. I mean, normally I would have sent him messages but do you know, we had such a nice time that he skipped my mind sef, you know? Thanks, babe. You’re the best.” She patted my shoulder.
“Oh.Okay,” I said foolishly. I felt as if I was falling down from a height.
“I’m glad we will always be friends,” she tucked her weave behind her ears. It looked new. So did the watch on her wrist. No doubt big boy Jide had paid for both as part of his latest ‘I’m sorry’ package.
That was it? She’s ignored my feelings before, even when she knew of them because it suited her to. She could get me to be around her all the time. But I couldn’t ignore who she was any more. I couldn’t go back to being her puppy-love slave. Is that what she wanted? Someone who would gladly listen during her bitch sessions and paint her nails and suck on her clit whenever Jide broke her heart and she needed a confidence boost?
In that moment, I hated her. When had we ever been friends? Real friends? Did she know where I lived when I was not in school? How many siblings I have? What I feared the most in the whole world? What my favourite colour was? Abuja. Three. Being irrelevant. Coral. Those were her own answers. Would she know mine if I asked?
“I hope you understand,” she fiddled with one dangly earring, nervously waiting for me to reply.
I knew then we could not be friends. She had said as much when she stopped replying my messages and didn’t pick up my calls. I had just been too slow to see it as always, imagining relationships where they were none. She had used me to make herself feel better when she was vulnerable and now she was cutting me off because I was a liability. I got the picture.
“Goodbye Bucky,” I said.
“Okay. Bye babes,” she trotted happily off, relieved no doubt to be free of me.