Last week I wrote a very serious article on Mind of Malaka entitled “Should Christian Men Hit it From the Back?” The post was in response to a question a woman in my church had asked me. This particular congregant is a 40 year old virgin, and in a few months, she will be a 41 year old virgin. She has never known the pain/pleasure/complications that having sex offers or presents a woman, so her question wasn’t entirely astonishing. I was just astonished to have been asked by her, since we aren’t friends.
Honestly, I don’t know why everyone was laughing in response to that post. Here at Adventures, we take the business of orgasms very seriously! We are not here to play patty-cake games. That’s why I feel safer answering the other portion of that question here on Adventures amongst my “closest friends” than on M.O.M.
One of the questions I got asked repeatedly was if I was referring to backdoor sex, also bluntly known as anal sex. I was not. I was just alluding to plain old, efficient doggy-style intercourse. All the same, several people have demanded that I answer the question as to whether Christian men should engage in anal sex.
My answer remains the same: If that is what is going to bring your partner to her amatory pinnacle, then do it.
But for me? Eh, eh. Backdoor is a no go. It is a one way exit. No one gains admittance into my body via my anus, end of story. If I hadn’t given birth four times, I might have been persuaded to try it one day…but I did and now anal sex is a non-negotiable for me.
You see Adventurers, sometimes people have sex. And sometimes, that act of sex results in a pregnancy. On occasion, that pregnancy may result in a birth. Sometimes, those births are via a C-section. And when THAT happens, they give you a lot of drugs. One of the side effects of those drugs is cause major constipation. And that’s what happened to me folks; back in 2009, I found myself in the throes of the worst bout of constipation I’ve ever endured in my 30+ years.
The doctors warned me that this might happen, and encouraged me to drink as much water and liquids as I could, in addition to my regular meals. I’d drink a cup of water here or there, but never got the 64 oz of my daily requirement. For 10 straight days, I didn’t take a dump until finally, one afternoon, I felt a rumbling in my tummy. I will spare you the horrid details, but as anyone who has had to poo knows, there is a certain rhythm to the act. You push, there’s a plop, maybe you push a little more and there are a series of plops. Your sphincter opens and closes with regularity. In my case on said afternoon, my sphincter remained agape, obstructed by the most enormous, stout turd you could imagine. It was unyielding. I could not break it. I couldn’t force it back in or out, and for 24 minutes, I rocked on the toilet and toilet and cried silently, begging God to cause this turd to pass from me or kill me. When the Almighty finally did answer my prayer, I was astonished by what I saw laying sunken in the base of my toilet. The sheer girth of it was alarming. Imagine you’re yawing and someone unexpectedly forces a tennis ball into your mouth. Yeah…ouch, right? It was in that moment I knew I could never have anal sex. It was just too painful.
As the question relates to Christians…sigh. You know how weird religious people can be about sex. (Muslims are not excluded either!) Because so many people come to religion out of fear and guilt, these are often the two drivers for every facet of their daily lives, including sex. Many Christians do not want perversion in their marriage bed (which is a good thing), but one man’s perversion is another man’s pleasure. (Unless we’re talking about rape, bestiality or pedophilia. That’s just flat out perversion.) There are some Christians who will not engage in oral sex under no circumstances what-so-ever. The rationale is that one should not use the same lips you use to praise God to suck someone else’s dick or eat a pussy. This is nonsense. After all, the same hand I use to wipe my kids butt is the same hand I have to use to prepare their food. When God starts handing out spare pussy eating lips, I’ll accept this as an excuse. Until that day, dudes need to get on their knees and get to work!
There is such a fear that entering another human being from the anus (and liking it) will make you gay, and as we all know, homosexuality is the highest perversion on that ever existed on the planet in the history of all mankind EVER.*
In conclusion, I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with a Christian couple who wants to engage in anal play or penetration. I am just not one of those persons…at the present. Who knows what may change?
Has anyone here ever had anal sex? Would you want to?