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Should Christian Men Come in Through the Back Door?

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Last week I wrote a very serious article on Mind of Malaka entitled “Should Christian Men Hit it From the Back?” The post was in response to a question a woman in my church had asked me. This particular congregant is a 40 year old virgin, and in a few months, she will be a 41 year old virgin. She has never known the pain/pleasure/complications that having sex offers or presents a woman, so her question wasn’t entirely astonishing. I was just astonished to have been asked by her, since we aren’t friends.

Honestly, I don’t know why everyone was laughing in response to that post. Here at Adventures, we take the business of orgasms very seriously! We are not here to play patty-cake games. That’s why I feel safer answering the other portion of that question here on Adventures amongst my “closest friends” than on M.O.M.

One of the questions I got asked repeatedly was if I was referring to backdoor sex, also bluntly known as anal sex. I was not. I was just alluding to plain old, efficient doggy-style intercourse. All the same, several people have demanded that I answer the question as to whether Christian men should engage in anal sex.

My answer remains the same: If that is what is going to bring your partner to her amatory pinnacle, then do it.

But for me? Eh, eh. Backdoor is a no go. It is a one way exit. No one gains admittance into my body via my anus, end of story. If I hadn’t given birth four times, I might have been persuaded to try it one day…but I did and now anal sex is a non-negotiable for me.

You see Adventurers, sometimes people have sex. And sometimes, that act of sex results in a pregnancy. On occasion, that pregnancy may result in a birth. Sometimes, those births are via a C-section. And when THAT happens, they give you a lot of drugs. One of the side effects of those drugs is cause major constipation. And that’s what happened to me folks; back in 2009, I found myself in the throes of the worst bout of constipation I’ve ever endured in my 30+ years.

The doctors warned me that this might happen, and encouraged me to drink as much water and liquids as I could, in addition to my regular meals. I’d drink a cup of water here or there, but never got the 64 oz of my daily requirement. For 10 straight days, I didn’t take a dump until finally, one afternoon, I felt a rumbling in my tummy. I will spare you the horrid details, but as anyone who has had to poo knows, there is a certain rhythm to the act. You push, there’s a plop, maybe you push a little more and there are a series of plops. Your sphincter opens and closes with regularity. In my case on said afternoon, my sphincter remained agape, obstructed by the most enormous, stout turd you could imagine. It was unyielding. I could not break it. I couldn’t force it back in or out, and for 24 minutes, I rocked on the toilet and toilet and cried silently, begging God to cause this turd to pass from me or kill me. When the Almighty finally did answer my prayer, I was astonished by what I saw laying sunken in the base of my toilet. The sheer girth of it was alarming. Imagine you’re yawing and someone unexpectedly forces a tennis ball into your mouth. Yeah…ouch, right? It was in that moment I knew I could never have anal sex. It was just too painful.

As the question relates to Christians…sigh. You know how weird religious people can be about sex. (Muslims are not excluded either!) Because so many people come to religion out of fear and guilt, these are often the two drivers for every facet of their daily lives, including sex. Many Christians do not want perversion in their marriage bed (which is a good thing), but one man’s perversion is another man’s pleasure. (Unless we’re talking about rape, bestiality or pedophilia. That’s just flat out perversion.)  There are some Christians who will not engage in oral sex under no circumstances what-so-ever. The rationale is that one should not use the same lips you use to praise God to suck someone else’s dick or eat a pussy. This is nonsense. After all, the same hand I use to wipe my kids butt is the same hand I have to use to prepare their food. When God starts handing out spare pussy eating lips, I’ll accept this as an excuse. Until that day, dudes need to get on their knees and get to work!

There is such a fear that entering another human being from the anus (and liking it) will make you gay, and as we all know, homosexuality is the highest perversion on that ever existed on the planet in the history of all mankind EVER.*

In conclusion, I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with a Christian couple who wants to engage in anal play or penetration. I am just not one of those persons…at the present. Who knows what may change?

 

Has anyone here ever had anal sex? Would you want to?

 

 

34 COMMENTS

  1. Yes o, I had anal once and I didn’t like it, so nah, not for me. On the other hand I remember a friend telling me anal orgasms were the best! Infact I have had more than one friend tell me that. So I guess each to her own 🙂

    But I have a question. So what if the 40 soon to be 41 year old virgin never gets married (which I guess is what she is ideally waiting for), does she remain a virgin forever? Ei.

  2. I can never ever ever do anal sex willingly!never!In a sex act one time,the penis slightly scraped my anus,i just froze and screamed in pain for the rest of the day..and this happened at dawn ooo
    Nope you wont get me,no matter what POWER OF orgasm it gives,it not worth the pain.NOT!

    • Hahahahahaaaa!!! Oh Abena, you’ve made me laugh. Herh!

      And you Nana D: You never told me you had anal once. Hw3! How is a BFFFL not to know these things? Humph. I will be What’sapping you soonest.

      I also had someone push into my ass my mistake. I yelped in pain. It is a no go area. Kai! I agree with Abena: there isn’t an anal induced orgasm created that could ever tempt me to willingly indulge in this act. I’ll take my regular ones with glee!

  3. And really i am a firm believer that the anus is meant for one purpose and one only: FOR SHIT!U cant convince me otherwise.
    God in his infinite wisdom created every part of our body for a purpose,who am i to say or do otherwise?I trust my Creator knew what He was doing when he created that part.

  4. Well, I have had anal sex on a few occasions. I felt ashamed the first time that I actually enjoyed it and I wanted to prove to myself that it was painful so I did it again….but nope, I still enjoyed it. I cannot for the life of me understand why but I’m guessing its because of the loads of foreplay and lube, the assurance that we could stop at anytime and the fact that we used the approach where I was doing all the moving at my own pace. I guess I kinda get a high from knowing I’m doing something so “dirty” and yet I am in total control. And nope, the guy does not have a pencil stub sized penis as some friends of mine believe he does.

  5. I think the deal with anal sex is that people aren’t ready to put in the effort and patience needed to make it a pleasurable experience. You don’t just shove a penis up there, in fact it takes a lot of prep work just to get the sphincter used to insertion.

    Personally I blame porn, I’m not a woman but I’m willing to bet that those who enjoy it definitely did not find it easy the first time round (exceptions exist of course)

    One last thing that I found interesting in a previous relationship was that my gf at the time was not into any sort of anal sex whatsoever. But she told me she always orgasms the hardest whenever she slips her little finger in her butt right at the moment she’s about to cum. It’s something she discovered whilst jilling off.

    So I tried it on her and well she wasn’t lying. Fireworks everytime????

  6. Lmao. I have been jilling off in the most absolutely boring manner and I just wanna apologise to myself. Thank your ex for me.

  7. I am addressing the question because I believe that the act is the problem and not the gender. When incorporating religious beliefs into this topic we must realize that anal sex is not gender specific and either is sin. Therefore if the act is a sin, the people involved are equally held responsible.
    The bible doesn’t specify what “married” people should be doing in their bedrooms, but it does talks about what “unmarried” people should not be doing. Nevertheless 1 Corinthians 7:5 gives you insight of how important God views intimacy amongst married people.
    Anal sex has been thought as a sin because of the story of Sodom and Gomorrha and church has made it a doctrine with no true basis. When you become a member of a church, your marital sex life is not factored in, so what ever sex practices you may have should not be divulged. This is a news flash for married church folks who feel unnecessary convictions by the church. This form of sex is not for everyone, but we should not judge others that do it. There are many gynecological diseases and disorders that might prevent a woman from having vaginal sex and need to resort to anal in order to satisfy her own and partner’s needs.
    In regards to Christianity, the bible says that if your heart condemns you, greater is God than your heart. If, this is your own personal relationship with God, then don’t do it, but it doesn’t apply to everyone. If anything needs to be mentioned about anal sex, is that it has many health risks that can be avoided with just keeping it a no entry zone, but to each his own.

  8. I must confess, when I posted the original comment on my facebook page I acknowledged that I assumed the writer was writing about ANAL sex.

    Anal sex is not for every one and certainly not for me. However, the anal paraphernalia be it lubes, butt plugs, beads, vibrators are our biggest sellers on our website. Now remember Nigeria like Ghana is very religious. Somebody must be buying the stuff. Vibrating anal vibes are very popular. Yep.

    Consenting adults in a relationship of sorts, to each his own. Thats all good if you are happy about it. Just remember to be safe at all times and know exactly what you are doing.

  9. the day i entered from the back i did not notice the difference, if not that i knew where i entered i will not have known. that is not the first time for the Girl thou.

  10. “There is such a fear that entering another human being from the anus (and liking it) will make you gay, and as we all know, homosexuality is the highest perversion on that ever existed on the planet in the history of all mankind EVER.*”

    I don’t know if this is a joke or not because of the asterisks and I looked further down the page and cannot find what the asterisks is supposed to represent. Malaka, is something missing?

  11. I admit wanting to try anal but the few times i’ve come close it’s been painful and I opted out. Fingers and tongues are always most welcome.

  12. “Imagine you’re yawing and someone unexpectedly forces a tennis ball into your mouth” hahahahaha i have missed this site so much!!
    … i tried it once and it hurt, then i thought, ‘try again’ and it hurt even worse, so that hole is closed for any form of entry business for me.

    • @kweku360 – So what brought you to this site? I wonder what you searched on google to come here? Or did you actually put in the url to come here directly? I actually have no problem with being called a witch because historically powerful women have been called ‘witches’, and burnt at the stake for the powerful knowledge they possessed (Google Salem trials), and am I a slut? Quite possibly…So your point is what exactly? And who do you expect to ban this site? I suggest you ban yourself pronto from visiting our site and making inane comments. Bye Kweku

  13. Ban yourself, Kweku. I wish your momma had been banned from procreating so that the world would not have to deal with the contamination that is your pathetic existence! Nigger (and I only use that word when it applies to the lowest form of male pond scum) just go ahead and get the hell on. BYE.

  14. Hay, yay, yay chicas! I noticed that many woman speak about the pain that comes with anal sex and it appears that it is the main reason for not ever, ever, ever doing it again. The truth behind anal sex, is that porn makes it look really easy and hard core. However, there are tons of anesthetics that can be used for anal sex, which will take of the edge. Of course, you still have to be gentle because like everything in life, it takes time to get use to it. Nevertheless, after the numbness disappears the discomfort will be there, so take it easy, but to each his own.

  15. @Kweku: Don’t forget that rare breed of slut-witches – women who are sluts AND witches at the same time. They just don’t know what to do with dick so now they’re casting spells that bring the dick to them which is how you arrived here (to answer Nana’s question).

    We will come for your dick tonight. And when we are done, we will take your dick away with us. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

    TFOH.

  16. Kweku360 — go play in oncoming traffic or jump off a cliff. Pick one. Witches are often powerful women who refuse societal constrictions and are wise enough to not believe the world’s lies. Sluts are women who embrace their sexuality and actually derive pleasure from sex, often on their own terms. We’re grown women here, you’re going to have to try harder than that if your intention is to shame and insult.

    I thought the comment was a joke when I first read it. On second thought, it’s laughable.

  17. Malaka — a while back, I was getting hot and heavy with a handsome guy I had been craving for a while. Deep into petting and kissing and he asked if I would let him ‘shag’ me via my anus. I had no idea arousal could go from 120 to 0 in three seconds. I patted his hand, straightened my top and all we did was cuddle that night. I never let him anywhere near my bed after that.
    There are things I’d love to explore in sex but anal has never been one of them.

    Perhaps because I had a terrifying experience with constipation as a child – my story however, ended in trauma due to a home remedy suggested by (I suspect) my grandmother, my mom took a popular bar of soap, Ebu it was called. Cut off (vertically) a thick piece (about pencil thickness – that may not seem thick but it is!) and poked it up my anus. She didn’t even get far, at the first poke, I screamed in pain and told her to stop. I limped into my bed. I have never forgotten the pain. No repeat performances thanks.

  18. I came across this site when i cldnt sleep and im lovong it. Its great that african women are articulating issues like these (from all angles)and not having to wait for bridalshowers and kitchen parties for knowledge to be imparted. I have had to go back to 2014 stories just to read more.@leslie, be it anasteathistscs or lubricants, no thank you to anal.@nana and malaka,interesting works.

  19. Hi,

    I wasn’t going to comment on this site because I have read many disturbing, and sad things by woman who have so much to offer but choose to continue to use their body as a dumping yard, where anything with money and whatever criteria can enter between their legs. I once was there, having sex with guys from the ones with money to ones without money etc. it’s AN EMPTY life despite the stories being told here, byt single woman having buddies to have sex with. It was actually JESUS WHO changed me, to love myself enough to meet the best plan he has for all females, which is to be genuinely loved by ONE Man and enjoy all the love making not only having sex, you can enjoy. But of course a man born of God, so of course you don’t catch something in you marriage. Now being in Christ, I have great Ideas an appetite for sex. As a young twenty slmething that’s engaged , not kissing or having sex with my fiancé till we married, I look forward our sexual experiences. I am emotionally connected to him, I know it will be a blessing, so although some churches don’t want to talk about sex, when someone has a personally relationship with God, God will open up the eye of that person and show them enjoying each other’s bodies is one of Gods greatest gifts on earth. Sex is praise and worship and I want that conveyed here, especially on a post talking about the Christian Faith by the one and only living God JESUS Christ, my prayer for al those regulars on the blog, on birth control, having sex with multiple people, I feel your pain I know it, but JESUS came to fix it, and make iyou whole . There is someone out there who wants to do it over and over till the sun comes Up in holy marrimony. Praying for you all

  20. its surprising that you bring the bible,when it suits you.
    in This case anal sex.
    But the case of the bible was never introduced in male circumcision issue?

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