Can you follow me please? I have something urgent to ask you. I absolutely hate it when people ask me to follow them on Twitter. I can’t help but think, ‘there are so many ways to reach me. You can reach me via the Adventures email which is available on the website, you can @ me, and some perfect strangers even manage to get their messages direct into my Gmail and Facebook inbox. But I always think, ‘you don’t know why someone is trying to message you’, and so when someone requests that I follow them so they can send me a private message, I do…at least for a short while. And in this case Akosua who had sent this message was concerned about threesomes and sex with women. Her specific concern was wondering whether she was a ‘suppressed lesbian’. She had a threesome and enjoyed it. Following that she had gone on to have sex with a woman and enjoyed that too. Now she wanted to have sex with a woman again but is beginning to question her sexuality. She wants some answers. Does the fact that she enjoyed sex with a woman, and wants to have sex with a woman again make her a lesbian? That is the question Akosua wanted me to help her answer. Somehow I don’t think my answer pleased her. I don’t think sleeping with a woman automatically makes you a lesbian, or means you’re bi, or that you’re no longer straight. In the same way I don’t think sleeping with a man makes you straight or means you’re no longer queer. I can understand that for some people (especially men) their sexuality is experienced as fixed, immutable, and unchangeable. I personally don’t feel that way. I believe sexuality is on a continuum, that some women, myself included can feel sexually attracted to women and men. Sometimes our attractions lean more heavily towards women, other times we favour men. Oftentimes our societies determine who we end up with. In conservative religious societies it is far easier to act on your attraction towards a man than it is to reach out to a woman for love and or sex. I recognize this and for that reason I am not wracked with guilt about my own sexuality. But I can understand how others are. Especially when your Twitter bio says you’re #TeamGod.
Akosua wants to know what other people think? Do you think she’s a ‘suppressed’ lesbian? What are your own thoughts on sexual orientation?