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VLOG: When Men Say They Are Tired of ‘Sexy’ Women, What Does That Even Mean??


Hey Adventurers!

In my vlog for this month, I question the veracity of the claim that certain “conscious men” are tired of sexy Black women. This is a sentiment I see quite frequently on my social media outlets, with men condemning women for an inability to cook, especially. It’s said, with clicking tongues and shaking heads, that women are more interested in dressing up than learning to do pounded yam.


As I said, I have never heard of a man sliding into a woman’s DMs and requesting copies of her latest thesis or manifesto; but as for nudes and sexually suggestive images? The requests continue to thrive.

What are your thoughts? Are men being sincere when they proclaim to have tired of looking at sexy women? And furthermore, what is the definition of ‘sexy’, in your opinion?



  1. You ask a number of questions here but I’ll just say that it may very well depend on what stage the man is in life
    If he’s in his early to late twenties’ and still riding the thrill of his most youthfull days then I doubt these claims would be made by him.

    This sounds like something a man looking to finally ‘hang his boots’ or settle down would say.
    They are supposedly looking for the more rounded package; you know that mystery woman who is fire in the bedroom, fire in kitchen, fire in the boardroom and for the more religious fire in the church/mosque or whatever.

    For me I cant relate to this claim but I guess what they are saying is they want sexy alright, but in addition find the ability to own the more traditional wifey role important too.

    Basically they want more ?
    But hey who doesn’t?

  2. u have said it all…this statement could be made by men who are ready to settle…they are no longer looking for that clubbing girl next door, rather a wife + a bit of sexiness

  3. It still doesn’t negate the fact that this is rubbish. If a woman is in a stage in life where she wants to be dress “sexy”, it’s her right to do so if it gives her pleasure. The entire diatribe also betrays the fact that the idea of marriage and what woman qualifies as “marryable” is indeed for the benefit of men. Asking “Can you cook? Do you clean?” To whose benefit is that, if not the man’s alone?

    It’s really sad, and not admirable at all. This is the mentality that leads to a 50-60% divorce rate.

  4. Yeah. I can’t stand those men who want to tell women what to do, and how to be in order to be attractive to them. Take me as I am or not at all. Don’t try and lecture me

  5. Malaka, this is Africa, there are attributes we expect from a woman as Africans. one of which is the ability to cook and if she cannot cook as that as failure on the part of her mother.

  6. Kwunume, the “this is Africa” trope is one that is tired and quite frankly long expired when it comes to assessing the worth of a woman. Doesn’t that even sound base to you? That a woman’s inability to cook is a failure of her mother? Please.

    In many of our traditional cultures, initiation into womanhood has more to do with learning about personal grooming and hygiene than cooking. Go to the village and ask them if the Queen Mother give a 2 week course on cooking at the initiation ceremony!

    It is degrading when African men expect the same level of performance from all women as they do from a maid. It becomes a sad stereotype. You can’t sit here and tell me that if we discovered that presidential Sirleaf is unable to cook, it’s a failure on the part of her mother.

  7. Run of the mill misogynist fuckery that’s all it is.I even saw a silly meme “women should be brain food not eye-candy” *rolls eyes* women can be whatever the hell they want to be. So wives can’t party? Wives can’t dress how they want? And if she can’t cook OFF WITH HER HEAD? Lol but I forgot when women marry they take on dual roles of Child/Second Mom to their husbands.

  8. I am against western culture and its devastating consequences on our society here, western culture has bred self centerdness and a total disregard for our norms and values, our family and social values are fast diminishing, and a lot of this responsibility is on our women who are unfortunately ‘over-modernized’ making the situation worse. In a broader/wider context, this is what this post leads to ( if i relate it to our Ghanaian society here), so i support the gentleman in what he said although not entirely

  9. when I was a kid if we are playing and it gets to the time for preparing meal, what you will notice is that mothers start calling on their daughters and you hear them tell her when she grumbles [you will get married one day] what those does this tell you?

  10. Honestly none of this truly matters. People have a right to their preferences, rubbish or not.
    And contrary to what is often said in society – Not all men are the same.
    There enough demand for all types of women anyway.

  11. Yes. The truth is, not all men are the same…but it is also true that when the notion of masculinity is brought up, these sentiments are the default. They are counterproductive.

    And really, what most Africans consider “African culture” is a set of Victorian ideals. We are still aping colonial standards that repress and retard our growth…and are proud about it!

  12. @ Am
    Modernization is conforming to western cultures and standards and that is different from civilization, someone can be very civilized but not necessarily “modern”.

  13. @kwunume you’re on the wrong platform.

    As a woman who enjoys cooking and looking sexy AF i disagree with you on so many levels. If my man ever is tired of me being sexy he sure as hell cant enjoy my other abilities. And if you judge a woman by her ability to cook, you need reprogramming.

  14. Ama I know the bedroom game is important but you will agree with me that the way to a manas heart is through his stomach. if I am hungry I cannot perform well in the bedroom. again from experience when you have lived with a woman for a long time no Mather how sexy she is, you will start living like brothers and sister that even when she is naked you may not have an erection. that is the truth.
    greetings to all my fellow adventurers.

  15. @Kwunume,your last comment about how a longterm couple ends up living as brother and sister , with no erections or sexyness left has sent shivers down my spine. If I can make my man a damn gud meal that satisfies his hunger and then a few minutes later I fail to arouse his erection, mmmmmmmm have mercy on him 4 im gonna be maaad!! If he doesnt have a sexual dysfunction and just doesnt feel im desirable in that department,then let us part ways very fast. Lol!
    In as much as men are entitled to their own choices of partners, I feel that theres alot more to a woman than home made meals or her physique. To all the ladies out there, always remember that at tymz it can be that big heart, that crazy laugh, that intellect or that stimulating conversation that some1 else finds totally awesome in you and that turns them on super hot.

  16. There is simply one word to this, BS and is obvious that these men are speaking out of their unnatural orifice. Sexy is a very broad word and can be expressed through qualities that are not only physical. When a man says that he is tired of a sexy woman, he clearly has personal issues he needs to address. Maybe his definition of a sexy woman is a certain prototype that he has fixed in his imagination and perhaps he is tired of high maintenance, over made-up, silicone women! I can’t believe that sexy is the correct word that any man want to use to describe his apathy for a certain group of women. Without sexy you will never find that person you are truly looking for. Maybe those men need to redefine those types of women they are truly tired of.

  17. Kwunume: Africa or not, a woman’s traditional role is to be able to perform in the kitchen. However, men are aware of their partner’s short comings and prefer to ignore them because they are i

  18. Sorry, hit the button by mistake, continuation. They are indulging in the erection and not on the hunger. Hunger and horny are two important feelings that have to be addressed at some point of the initial part of the relationship and if you chose beauty attributes over cooking, then that’s exactly what you will end-up with. So, don’t cry when you are left hungry and horny.


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