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Future Africa (Anal) Sex


“You do know you’re going to have to give up that anal one day.”

This question was presented more as a statement of fact, rather than a query posed in earnest. The woman to whom the interrogation was put sat motionless; her lips rounded in a silent scream, her eyes glassy and rounded like the bottom of a washing basin.

“It’s true,” confirmed a second confidant. “But don’t worry. It will only have to be on special occasions – Christmas and birthdays.”

“But the day WILL come when your husband will eventually wander ‘unintentionally’ away from the pussy and will request anal.”

The room rocked with subdued laughter and knowing murmurs of mmhmmm’s.

I shared the bride-to-be’s petrification – for as yet – I have managed to avoid the issue of/conversation about/desire to submit to or perform anal penetration. And if the truth be told, nothing terrifies me more than the thought of that singular, feral act. The very thought of it makes me cringe, and yet I instinctively know that the two women giving the blushing (indeed, profusely sweating) bride are telling nothing but the truth: there is an 8 in 10 chance that your man is going to want to stick his ding-a-ling in your booty hole one day. Many of my homies have talked about it. I had one male friend who exclusively had anal sex with his girlfriend after she gave birth to their son. So while the idea may be terrifying (or exhilarating) it’s one that must be addressed as pragmatically as possible, I believe. What to do?

Image of Wolverine

Last week Friday, #FutureAfricaSex was the HT used to invite a collective online discussion about where we see how the passion and the politics of sex in the future. Many of the comments were very thoughtful, and yet all I could think about was anal sex. It was difficult – impossible, really – for me to explain where I see the potential for anal’s place in the African woman’s bedroom in 140 characters. My series of tweets may have been perceived as trolling, but I assure you what I am about to propose is very serious and one I hope developers will have a look at and deploy.

Okay; so here goes:

There needs to be a technological solution for women who both dread and desire to provide anal sex for their partners. If I had a patent on such an item, I’d call it the Butt Buddy. Here’s how it would work.


Inspired by the great minds that brought us the battery-powered vibrator, the Butt Buddy takes away the fuss and mess (and pain) of anal penetration. It is silicone appendage that mirrors that shape, tautness and scent, if one wishes, of the anus that women simply slip over the opening of the vagina and present to their partner. It’s held in place by something science-y, like suction cups or temporary adhesive. The partner in possession of the phallus carefully and thoughtfully eases his way into the Butt Buddy and proceeds as he might with traditional anal penetration, which as far as I’m concerned rules out wild, undisciplined thrusting. Doing so would result in permanent damage to a human anus, and likewise to the Butt Buddy. Have some respect and decorum!

The result is satisfaction for both partners. For the woman, her anal virginity remains intact, and for her partner the sensation of having explored an area that is a no-go for the majority of Earth’s male population.

The makers of Butt Buddy admit that it would look strange ( and kind of funny) to look between your sexual partner’s legs and see two anuses staring back at you, but we believe that it’s something that you will eventually get used to…like the way money smells when its been tucked beneath the breasts of a very large woman, or the way a taxi driver insists on shaking your hand after you’ve just witnessed him take a piss on the tires of a parked lorry.

Or you could turn off the lights and avoid the sight altogether. Which ever.



You’re laughing. Some of you are scowling. But you won’t be what some woman in Togo starts manufacturing Butt Buddies and you’re all getting them in your X’mas hampers and hen’s night gift bags. Then you will remember this post. This is the future!


  1. It is indeed. I can’t wait for the Togo-made Butt Buddy, because just like you, I recoil at the thought of a penis brushing my anal area. Hmm…a thought for the night. Great peice by the way.

  2. Thanks, Joey! I don’t know what it is about anal. I mean, once that threshold is crossed, there’s no going back. It’s not a joke.

    But Ankunda: There ARE many women who enjoy (genuinely love) anal. What if your refusal to do anal meant the end of your relationship? What then? *devilish grin*

  3. Okay, this is an interesting post for me. First, because it seems to demonize anal sex a little bit and secondly because it seems to make a man’s sexual pleasure a woman’s obligation. So the guy will eventually ask for it? How about just saying no? Then what? He leaves? In that case he wasn’t someone who respected your bodily autonomy anyway. The idea that a certain sexual act is inevitable and you will eventually be called on to provide it, and when called upon, despite your own reservations you will have to put on your big girl panties and do what is expected of you… I don’t know, it makes me a little squicked out. The whole premise of the Butt Buddy seems to be that since you just can’t say no you have to provide a viable alternative. I get the idea but I’m a little depressed by it.

    Secondly, there are some women who will never need a butt buddy because they love anal penetration and in some cases can only orgasm from that. For those women they might be the ones bringing up anal sex and craving it. But I would like to think that those women, if their partners are not comfortable with sticking their dick in someone’s butt will simply accept the man’s right to have full control over his sexual preferences and get a butt plug or a double-ended dildo or something.

    Thirdly, this idea that every man is going to ask for anal eventually is a myth. There are MANY men for whom the thought of sticking their dick in someone’s butt is anathema. I personally know men who have tried anal but say the grip is really different and somewhat subpar to a vagina. It’s very tight at the opening but somewhat less gripping when you go further up the anus. Some guys find it doesn’t afford enough friction. Some guys don’t like the sensation of the tightness of the opening on the base of their penis. Some guys are petrified of getting shit on their dicks. Some guys simply can’t get off on anal because any indication of pain or discomfort or less than 100% enthusiasm from their partner simply turns them off. Guys who do like it like it for a myriad of reasons (the way it feels, how taboo it is believed to be, the way it looks, how intense that combination of pleasure and pain is for the woman and the faces she makes when they are doing it, the fact that it makes some girls squirt when you apply pressure to their G-spot while their anus is full etc etc) but any guy who believes his desire for anal should supersede his partner’s desire to not have an uncomfortable or painful sexual experience should not be a guy any woman has sex with. The message that those kinds of guys should be mollified and appeased with a fake butt is not a line of thinking I can wholeheartedly get behind.

    That said, it’s an innovative idea. And a funny one too. So I appreciate the wit and the ingenuity. Ironically, there actually are fake butts and vaginas already. They are usually rubber sex toys in the shape of a column with an opening at the top and grooves inside. Guys stick their dicks in them and use them to jack off. A lot of them are made from the anatomical designs of real porn stars’s vaginas, anuses and mouths. Check some out here: https://www.fleshlight.com/collections/classics
    There are fleshlights, pocket pussies, mouth masturbators, the list goes on. Science and engineering is a wonderful thing, lol. However none of these are designed to attach to the girl’s actual vagina so you should patent your idea before someone else gets on it, lol.

    Thanks for the article and the point of view. I’m not being critical but I thought I should share an alternate opinion.

  4. Malaka — love this. I love that you’ve envisioned an (anal) sex toy!

    Nowadays when anal sex is mentioned, the visual I have is that of a weakened anal sphincter muscle (I don’t think the anal sphincter muscle has elasticity)…either way it’s a pass.

  5. Malaka, I had no idea this was you, lol. Okay, that puts a different spin on it. I thought it was some very earnest, very serious newbie.

  6. Yes ooo! It’s me. LOL! It’s good that my reputation precedes me, because if I were a newbie reading your dissertation/comment, my poor soul would be crushed into fine bits. E no easy kraa.

    Hey S&L! I’m glad you found value in the anal sex toy. Your approval makes me feel less…weird. Not that my weirdness isn’t something I have a problem embracing. 😉

  7. I have ana l toys i use. i think the issue of anal sex is just people failing to admit the thrill they have even thinking about it. Lots are afraid cos of commentry about it. to me its a fun and should be enjoyed. licking is a must for me in the anal area even if no penetration

    • Hi Yaw, thanks for this comment which I appreciate – wanted to let you know that we don’t allow solicitation on adventures so that is why your other comments did not get approved – so please bear that in mind with your future comments. Welcome to Adventures. I look forward to your contributions

    My pain threshold is soo low it’s not funny!
    I would never desire it and I would not do it because a man desires it and wants to fulfil his fantasy (rubbish)


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