I was about to go to sleep after a particularly delightful session with the husboo when something snatched me away from my much-deserved post-coital slumber: A realization. I couldn’t smell the sex I’d just had.
I lost my sense of smell in 2017, something I mention often. And even though it’s been three years since I’ve caught wind – of any sort – that I can neither detect fragrance nor odor still shocks me when the realization hits me. The night in question was one such occasion.
Do you believe in the rewiring of the brain? I do. When I was little, I used to consume an overabundance of cartoons and kung fu, and one of the common themes both shared was the body’s ability to adapt to the loss of specific function(s). So if you lost your sight, for instance, your hearing would strengthen by a factor of a billion (not really) or if you lost your right arm, your left could do its work with more robustness. None of this has been true in compensating for my loss sense of smell, at least where sex is concerned. That’s not to say I’m not trying to remedy the problem. I’ve been doing some reading about sex, sensuality and the senses, the five of which are: sight, sound, touch, taste and smell.
A lot of attention is paid to touch when making love, and for good and obvious reasons. Two (or more) are colliding in what is usually a small space. And even though touch is of the primary focus of sex, there are numerous ways in which to vary it. This includes the introduction of various textures, exploring otherwise ignored areas of the body and playing with temperature. I found that changing the thread count in my sheets has had a profound effect on my receptiveness and readiness to engage in pleasure. Maybe you enjoy the surprise of a piece of gravel up your bum. A parking lot might provide that unique experience for you. Common household items like ice, hot wax and hairbrushes to stroke your partner’s scalp (which I love) can add interesting dimensions to your coital congress. If you’re uncomfortable with it at, set a timer for an agreed upon length of time before the experiment comes to an end.
The suggestions for enhancing sight experiences during sex were a bit tricky in my view, but I’d love to hear your feedback. Watching porn, playing with lights, beaming/projecting sensual images on the wall and incorporating attire that play into your shared fantasies were among the top recommendations. These are all great, but when you live in a country where power outages and failures are a permanent feature in your life, the only Laser works/light show your partner will likely experience is the one playing in their head.
Scents and smells are interesting, because what turns one person on can be a complete turn off to someone else. Some people like the smell of body odor. Coming into nasal contact with pheromones, unencumbered, taps into their most feral, sexual instincts. Napoleon most famously sent a note to his wife Josephine that read: “Je reviens en trois jours; ne te laves pas!” “I will return in three days. Don’t wash!”
Certain smells elicit joy, calm, excitement, euphoria and/or nostalgia, and introducing them into your pleasure play can be very powerful. Just don’t come to bed with unwashed ass and expect a warm reception every time. Napoleon was a despotic weirdo.
The taste of sweaty/salty skin, the taste just after a shower, flavored lubes and condoms are often overlooked. We taste with our mouths, and therefore the taste of one’s partner’s mouth can become the center of attention. This is unfortunate, because there is so much more to devour! You know what I mean…
A few weeks ago, we created an Adventures Mix Tape that featured songs that bang that you can bang to. The lyricism and instrumentality of music both have sensual appeal. If you don’t have a great sound system, there are other ways to enhance the sound experience in bed. Dirty talk is one method.
“I’m going to lick your butt hole so hard and deep I’ll be French kissing you from the back of your throat!” I shouted at the man I married. He was amused by my announcement… but not before he expressed horror. I’ll work on the dirty talk, but you get the picture. Be better than me.
We’ve talked a lot enhancing the senses but restricting the senses can be equally erotic. Allowing your partner choose between what senses they can access or have control over is a light weight introduction to BDSM.
Regardless of what avenue you pursue remember: consent is key!