I want you to close your eyes (well technically don’t because then you cannot read this). BUT hypothetically close your eyes, imagine yourself wearing an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself. It may be a dress, shorts with a button down or trousers with all the buttons undone or a skirt with your chest bare and your breasts out. You enter a space wearing this and you do not have to think for one second about your safety because it is guaranteed regardless of your gender, sex or everything in-between. This has been the atmosphere that the Sexual Utopia Festival has consistently guaranteed, and this year was no different.
If you missed this year’s Sexual Utopia, you really missed out (my condolences to you). From sex toys shaped like hammers, to jewelry that scream P.R.I.D.E, lingerie to stickers, cute handmade crochet clothing and henna stations, there was so much variety and inclusion which spoke to the subject of this year’s theme: ‘Sex and Money’.
Overall Structure
Growth is an essential part of the journey towards building and maintaining anything and this year’s Sexual Utopia depicted this. Structurally, it was slightly different than last year. The festival was broken down into two parts: the first part was an exclusive, two-day learning/exchange session, and the second part was the general festival/learning session which was open to all. The former comprised mostly of the facilitators in the latter, and one could say that the former session was used as a teaching session for those facilitators who generously offered to drive the conversations around sex and money during the general festival.
The second part, the general festival, was situated in a place with both indoor and outdoor seating which made it easy for people to access fresh air when they wanted, or get comfortable when the chilly Nairobi evening weather turned its head. The general festival had multiple, mini group sessions with specific thematic foci to give attendees options to be at different places they felt they most connected to. Some of these spaces were also tailored specifically for certain groups of people. For example, the LBQ space led by Dr. Rita Nketia and Fatima Derby, and the Men and Masculinities space led by Nsharâh Feels and Kevin Mwachiro.
Covering Sex and Money
Growing up, sex and money – or sex’s relationship to money and vice-versa – had always been portrayed in a negative light. All I knew was that when sex and money were in a conversation there was a transaction going on, usually with the female or female-bodied person giving the sex to get the money from the male or male-bodied person. Often this exchange was never symmetrical because the male-bodied person had the power and was paying for a service the female or female-bodied person provided. The female-bodied however, was almost always a service provider with the extra tag of a social miscreant (a cheap whore, ashawo, prostitute) with no self-respect thus deserving little to no respect and a lot of mistreatment and judgement. As a queer human, I have also heard this narrative of the female-bodied miscreant transposed unto intersex, trans and especially effeminate men. As fucked up as this general narrative is, it is problematically limiting in its ability to capture the breadth of sex’s relationship to money and both elements’ relationship to POWER. Sex is power, and so is money, and I do not care who you are, both are essential in life (AMEN). Maintaining the culture of openness, vulnerability, kindness and safety, this year’s festival brought to the forefront the polyamorous relationships between sex and money. Some good, some great, some nasty, some ugly and everything in-between.
Led by artist Lindsay, attendees created visual representations of what came to mind when we thought of sex and money. People painted golden hands holding each other, a silhouette of the female body, an ejaculating penis interlocked with money, a clitoris with an inscription of ‘clit power’ to mention a few. One of my favorite sessions was the conversation facilitated by Jet Setting Jasmine, Saoyo Griffith, Olivia Shiola and Dinah Musindarwezo moderated by Abigail Arunga. In this conversation, Jet Setting Jasmine talked about how systemic morality clauses that take autonomy away from people make it difficult for her to access her own earnings, giving an example of how Paypal blocked her, locked her money away and blacklisted her from ever opening an account because of her sex work. Dinah Musindarwezo pointed out how excessive loans our countries take in the form of so-called international aid come with parameters that then police people’s access to and freedom for all things sex, sexuality and pleasure.
Another favorite session was one in which Rosemary, an activist, spoke proudly of her experiences as a sex worker and how that morphed into activism for the rights of sex workers. Sex work is work! The Vibrating Lawyer talked about general and legal perceptions around pleasure that are stifling but also the ways and means through which she has pivoted to successfully keep her business, G-Spot Kenya, pleasure-centered and profitable. I would be a hypocrite if I do not talk about the amazing live music performance by Brandy Maina that got the entire room dancing. The performance was so good, I am sure people left the festival with enough positive energy to make it through the rest of the year.
Ultimately, this year’s festival joined two otherwise taboo topics, sex and money, and created a liberating space where we individually and collectively explored how to have better relationships with both.
On Inclusion and Accessibility
This year the organizers took extra steps to be inclusive. This could be seen from the choice of location, the panelists and technology that was in place. The location had ramps to facilitate easy movement for differently abled bodies in all parts of the space. The panelists included Disability Rights Advocate Brian Muchiri, Intersex rights advocate Frankie Kibagendi, trans woman and activist Oliva Shola as well as non-english speakers from Francophone nations. The organizers made sure to provide the necessary technology to enable communication across English and French speakers within the panels. As an English speaker, I had no issue understanding what was being said in French and I hear it was the same for our French speakers. Those headsets worked magic, and the hired translators did an amazing job bridging the language gap.
Imagined futures
There is never an end to learning and growth and best believe Sexual Utopia is here to stay. I imagine a future for this festival where there are little translation devices that all attendees wear, and this device could translate any major African language. In this future, most language barriers would be eradicated, and we could freely have trans-national and ethnic conversations amongst ourselves outside of curated sessions. I imagine a future where there is plenty, plenty, money and plenty, plenty, safety for gender non-conforming Africans so the smaller sessions that were exclusive can be open to the public. I imagine a future where everything sex, sexuality and pleasure is available to everybody and every-body. ÁSE!
As we work towards this future, it is only right to give the organizers, Adventures From the Bedrooms of African Women and Kaz Entertainment, their flowers. Y’all did the damn thing.
Thank you to all our panelists for sharing yourselves with us, thank you to all of us who made it in person and thank you to all of you who supported this. I am looking forward to next year. You better strap up, stay moistly hydrated and excited for next year. It’s only going to get better.
PS: for those of you who did not show up even though you could eh…. (bombastic side eye is your portion).
