I just listened to the late Kodjo Acquaye’s track with all that moaning by a woman in it, and thought of seeking opinions on this issue.
Well, it is almost inevitable for a young growing boy to take sneak peeks of porn with friends. Most teenagers are initiated into the world of sex via porn. As such, most young males would live their lives expecting that everything about sex should be just as it appears in porn flicks. For a bout of sex the young male would expect multiple changes in position, sometimes to the chagrin of the female partner. One bit of sex that even into adulthood men remain confused about relates to the sounds made by either partner during the experience. The porn flick tells us that by even the slightest stroke of the skin, a woman should go ‘oooh’ or ‘hmmmm’ or ‘aaaah’. Some women fake enjoyment and orgasms to ‘satisfy’ the ego of the guy, who feels at the end of it all, quite macho about his performance.
Recently, I’ve been reading books authored by women about sex and some claimed that the ‘oooh’ and ‘aaah’ factor is not really true. Sexual ecstasy does not necessarily result in these dramatic sounds as portrayed in porn. The sounds are deemed to be a bequest by the porn industry which feed into the psyche of hungry warm blooded men. Some of these men would feel unloved/unsatisfied without these sounds of lovemaking. Yet some other books claim that in reaching climax the senses are so activated and that it is involuntary for a woman to exclaim in ecstasy. Thus indeed, the ‘ooh’ and ‘aaah’, ‘OMG’, ‘Yeeesssss’, ‘uuuuuuuuh uh uh uhhhhhhh’ are supposed to be present to determine fulfillment in a woman.
Please help educate this man. To the girls out there; do you make sounds when making out? Were they real or fake? When real what are they and what does it feel like then? If fake, why did you do it, and when? What is your view of nookie sounds?
21 comments On Guest contributor roots4life: Sounds of making love
Roots, so you won’t believe that 15 mins ago, my ex whom i used to sext a couple of yrs ago n i were textin each otha abt this very same topic! (dont ask me why 🙂 ) before you read my response maybe you’d like to glance at this study done on women moaning during sex which i read sometime ago & which rang true with me http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2025529/Why-sounds-women-make-bed-little-orgasm–partner.html
here’s my answer to your question tho:
a woman moans during sex for different reasons. speakin 4 myself, sometimes i moan 2 get myself in the mood (the more passionate my moans, the more turned on & wet i get); sometimes i moan 2 get my partner more excited (i’ve realized that dependin on the sounds i mk and wat i say, my immediate ex 4 example would start thrustin furiously & really get in2 d act. doesnt work 4 al men tho. 2 guys i d8d werent 2 big on excessive moanin so i had 2 tone down. i may b wrong bt frm my experience it seems that the more westernized a man is, the more he appreciates moanin. it appears that the traditional african men i’ve dated havent appreciated my moanin or hv thot it fake). finally, a woman may moan 2 express the pleasure she’s receivin frm sex. this is involuntary. a lot of times, i make all these noises during sex when i find what my partner’s doing 2 me pleasurable. often i cant help myself. i dated a guy and we used 2 screw in his office after work wit the security man patrolin outside. he’d ask me 2 kp it quiet bt i couldnt help bt mk noise sometimes so he’d cover my mouth with his hand. sometimes, i dont even realize i’m makin noise until my partner points it out. the irony 4 me tho is that when i’m actually gettin an orgasm, i become dead silent & only my body shudders. Go figure!
I make sounds and they are all real though for various reasons. I’ve learnt that it is better to say when you’re not feeling it regardless of egos (I’ve found that MY ego get hurt when making out sessions turn wrong, it haunts me forever). My sounds vary, I always voice out when I’m uncomfortable but my pleasure sounds seem to get people worried.
Hehe, I get asked if everything is all right and if I’m in pain (no I’m not, I’d say if I was). Apparently the noises I make can only be found in Japanese porn. I find this hilarious because I really have no control over these sounds, like Ekuba, I did not notice the noise until my partner points it out. If something feels pleasurable to me, some sort of noise is going to come out of me.
@ Ekuba,
I luuuuuuuuuweeee you!! Gotdamn!! This girl, you too damn craze! Your statement about African men not liking moans is sooooooooooooooooooooooo funnnny! It reminds me of something, that I can’t quite say here. Maybe, when we meet in real life!! heheheheheheheh
On that note, African men you have been challenged for acting bush like. What sayest thous?!
@cosmic yoruba
Your whole comment has me typing from the floor, laughing!!! oh miii gosh. Pleasure sounds of pain that sound like Japanese porn stars. They must be a special bunch!! How do they moan?! Like meow meow meow, pussycat style?!
@ African Mami: lol. let’s get married then. imagine all the crazy kids we’ll have 🙂
@Ekuba – i have checked out the link you posted, and it seems to confirm my suspicions. now coming back to yor earlier post, excuse me for being a bit socratic, but in relation to your comment that you made moans to pep up your sex partner, can i ask why you did that? Was it made at a time you yourself were enjoying what was going on, or was it just for him, to make him feel good? As a woman, can sex for you be ‘for him’ sometimes?
@African Mami – I will agree with you that some African men are stereotypical about sex andhow a woman should partake in it, but attitudes are changing. Those times when after clearing the plates in the evening the poor woman went straight indoors to lie prostrate to wait for her man are over. Some of us have to negotiate for days especially when the woman is a top level working woman with deadlines to meet. But we are getting there, and blogs like these are a good place for blokes to learn more about african gals.
@Cosmicyoruba – Your post makes me think of my next door neighbour. She just SHOUTS, morniing, afternoon and evening.
@ roots4life,
So you didn’t ansa my question, can we moan or not. Listen, even if I was just a housegirl/maid, and didn’t have the corporate job, my man would still suffer! I just can’t stand “domestic gender defined roles”, and for you to make me repeat the same shit I do everyday at my employers, cheiiii woe unto you!
@African Mami – my personal view is that whatever comes naturally to you during sex should be expressed. But it has to be true and not faked. My problem is the faking which deceives a lot of men who equally may also labour under a misconception that moaning means ‘coming’ or any other warped notion. So yes AM. You can moan and I hope, if you did yesterday, it was true.
This issue of moaning has been discussed amongst my friends more than a couple of times, and most of my girlfriends agree that their moans actually spur their men on to “give it to them harder”. I concur with Ekuba; moaning kind of “tricks” my mind into a highly erotic state and i find myself more turned on by my own moans and those of my partner.
My moans are not really ooh or aah they actually resemble hissing sounds and my girlfriend makes these short, sharp, panting noises which actually are a HUGE turn on. Sadly, most of the guys ive slept with are very quiet in the sack and apart from the occasional grunt, i’m usually left wondering whether they’re having a good time….that is till i hear the sound of their eyeballs falling into the back of their skulls from sheer pleasure 😉
@Adjeley- maybe you should start a thread here on the sounds men make when shagging. Your opinion ties in with Ekuba’s confirming that a moan during sex could signify ecstasy, enhance it, but could also be a tool for deceit.
Ahem…*clearing my throat*
In my most Humble Opinion during sex I make those expected sound….because they’re expected!
It’s awful to admit but when I’m making love and there’s quite loud music I may moan under my breath, but nothing like the vocal theatrics I perform when we can hear each other and when and to fill the v
@roots4life:when i moan to pep up my partner it’s 4 different reasons. if i moan to pep him up during a sexual act that i’m really enjoyin, i do it cos i want him to get even wilder & up his already superb performance. get it? for eg. there was this one time that i was havin sex with my immediate ex and i liked wat he was doin bt i wanted him to take it to anotha level so i started moanin and sayin ‘yes, i love it when u eff me like that, please dont stop” etc & then immediately, he got so energized that he ordered me to ‘get into the chair’ and what followed was one of the best shags of my life (god, i miss him 🙁 )
then again there r times that i moan cos i’m nt feelin the sex & i want it over & done with bt i’m 2 much of a coward to speak up. i dont remember this ever happpenin with my immediate ex bt it happened with the 1st guy i dated in my younger and more foolish days. he was older, married & more or less my boss so held a lot of power in the relationship. he thot he was a demigod in bed so sometimes he’d just thrust & it’d either nt feel pleasurable or it’d really hurt. when i’d tel him 2 stop, he’d get pissed or say,’ i think i’m ok with the way it is’ & refuse 2 stop so with him, i’d sometimes moan & it’d get him to cum earlier so i get my piece of mind. then again, it doesnt seem 2 hv worked in the long run cos he once told me that maybe i could try ‘moanin a little less & movin my hips a little more’ (idiot!)
there r also times that i moan to pep my partner up cos i want him 2 hv mind blowin sex cos it’d mk me feel proud that i kno how to ‘please my man in bed’ & mk me feel that somehow that makes me a ‘true woman’. sadly, as a woman, most of the messages i get frm society hv 2 do with how i shd do all i can mk my partner enjoy sex & it has little 2 do with how 2 make sure i enjoy sex. so as you ask, a lot of the time, i find myself makin sex ‘about him’ til i realize what’s goin on & stop
Ahem…*clearing my throat*
Please excuse this essay but the article really got the naughty me thinking
In my most Humble Opinion during sex I make those expected sound for various reasons……
1.because they’re expected!
No..let me correct myself, I feel that they are expected and so this is one of the reasons I make them.
2.I hate silent sex,
it makes me most uncomfortable to have sex in silence and I do not encourage full blown conversations when I’m hoping to be shagged within an inch of my life!
I know I’m not alone in this, as many girlfriends have attested to the awful ‘silent shag’, we’ve all encountered (hopefully not the same guy), you know, the guy who sticks it in, frowns in concentration, grimaces at any sound you make and pounds away all you hear is sloppy sounds of skin slapping, sweat dripping heavy breathing, grunting(like the sounds in a boxing ring) the clock ticking and bang…bang…bang.. the stiffening, the last strangled ‘arrgg’ from him, then he rolls over falls asleep while you have to go wash the sweat and the experience off your skin,
I have no idea if he liked it or if it was all just a glorified wank to him,
Simply put no sounds equals no feedback which equal NO CALL BACK!
3. Sometimes I fake (a good faking) it because I get into the action more when I hear myself (yes I’m that good)
It’s awful to admit but when I’m making love and there’s quite loud music I may sigh under my breath, or breathe heavily, but it’s nothing like the vocal theatrics I perform when we can hear each other and when I feel an unexplainable need to fill the silent void
4.Encouragement,
I love sex, whether I’m making noise or posed in silence, chances are I’m having a good time, and so is he.
To me the sounds I make are letting him know he’s doing it right @Ekuba was correct when she said moans and groans go down ( pun intended) very well with westernised men…this probably has a lot to do with the steady porn sexual education they devour
My African ‘African’ partners vary from indifference to down right annoyance when I launch into my ‘mmmmm, uhhhhh OohhmmmyyyyGod, yeah’
This same routine has my ‘western’ African partners cuming in (single digit) minutes
4. My final admission is that sometimes after the 2nd or 3rd round when I’m sore and dry, the moaning is totally fake and is in order to hurry him up so I can get some freaking sleep before work 2moro!
Nye Yi Wala Don
Great lessons @ Ekuba and Naa Abena. I have learnt a whole lot. There may be more questions later though.
Lmao,Ekuba &Naa Abena seems we have had either the same partners or we read from the same memo.u echoed my sentiment exactly about this moans &grunts.
Well for me most part I’m faking it to boost the ego of men &i can’t stop it no matter how decietful u term it.
Sometimes too,I just want the guy 2 bloody hurry &be done with it!
I’m the quiet person in bed,if I’m really enjoying it,it my facial expression that says it all &theres only one guy who knows this secret.However have come 2 realize most guys wanna hear the moans 2 validate their selfs so why not?I would give it 2 u if that what makes u happy.
BTW Ekuba I thot u were female,so why are u talking marriage with African Mami who I know is also a female.(Confused smiley)*or u are totally up for a girl on girl?
Abena, you’re totally right abt us having similar experiences! isnt it great that when you meet someone you’re really comfortable with, you’re ready to be real or tell them the truth (like the guy you talk abt who knows it’s your facial expression that discloses how you feel during sex & nt the noises you make)
yep, i’m female bt i was just bein naughty when i asked African Mami 2 marry me 😀 So no confused smiley 😉 ok ? Promise me. wink!
Well said all. I feel well taught. I admit that not every two women are the same. You never expect something which could possibly be alien to the person you are with. I have only one sex partner. My wife. There are absolutely no moans except when a vib is at play but there is frankness if it was good or not. I guess it is not an issue to generalize about. Am I going to seek a moan outside? A big no. I’ll take what I get, grow to like it as it is. After all, I have loved and enjoyed it as it is for 10 years.
Personally 55% of the time, my noises are fake. That means I am only getting about 45% bloody good sex.
The time when a guy ask you during the action ” do you like it? ” and all thats on your mind is him getting off you because the sex is bad but then we lie and say we like it.
But yes we make those noises to boost your ego guys. Some men can take it if you tell them, you did not enjoy the last session. I am yet to meet a man I can be honest with about sex and not hurt his feelings.
Ladies which one of you is having amazing sex? Link a sister up. I need my body parts explored. 🙂
Yes I’m definitely a moaning girl. I found out during my first intense make out session in college. It was a surprise to me when it happened and a huge turn on for the guy I was with.
It’s a light gasp immediately followed by a low, long groan. Pretty much as involuntary as a moan can be. It feels good because I suppose it happens when I am feeling good.
The second time we got into it, he actually asked if I was having a good time because I hadn’t gotten vocal and we’d been at it for a few minutes. When things got more heated up another moan eventually escaped me and his reaction was obvious and immediate.
I can see how faking a moan can have some good uses but I’m yet to do it. It’s so spur-of-the-moment but I could probably pull it off with some practice…
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I moan because HOW CAN YOU NOT? It feels so gooooood. But I suppose on climax one can’t really scream. You just go all rigid as you implode. I remember reading once that it was a way of telling if women were faking or not – what happens at the precise moment of an orgasm.
That being said, I did try silent sex a few times and I found that I thoroughly enjoyed it as well. You can just hear everything else that you bypass during moaning; the squelching, the slurping, the suckling, the breathing, the slap of skin on skin, the ‘thud thud’ of headboards…even those little queefs that happen when you’ve been forced upright by your bum.
All your other senses are heightened I guess. By the way, am I the only one who likes how smelly a guy’s armpits get when he is ‘working’?