Vaginismus – The “Spiritual Husband”

Naa had never felt more horny in her life. Every time she was alone with Senna for more than thirty minutes, the tingling in her vagina got worse. It was a wonder that she had managed three months of their relationship without doing more than making out and heavy petting. Today she was ready for hot and naked sex, especially since it was one of those few days before her period that she became ridiculously horny. 

Usually, she would find erotica from adventuresfrom.com to inspire a masturbation session, but today she had a man in her apartment she could use to sate her hunger. And he was very willing to be used.

She had given his impressive member a decent handjob and even blessed him with a short blowjob, but now it was her turn to enjoy and moan loudly as he attacked her breasts enthusiastically, licking and sucking as if his life depended on it. She was so wet and horny that she couldn’t wait anymore and craved the feeling of his dick fucking her as enthusiastically as he was sucking on her buds. It had been too long since she had been like this with a man, so she was revving and wet and ready to be fucked good for the first time in her life.

“I’m ready,” she told him, drawing his attention away from her boobs.

“Are you sure?” Even as he asked, his fingers moved down to brush her labia, his eyes widening at the slickness. “You are ready.”

She gasped in pleasure when his fingers found and fondled her clit, mewling and moaning her pleasure in a way that would have embarrassed her if she wasn’t so mindlessly aroused.

“Now, please,” she begged, relieved when he finally moved over her.

She loved his weight on top of her and smiled when he kissed her gently, watching his face as he slowly guided his engorged member into her. 

Naa felt her vagina tighten unconsciously and barely managed to stop the gasp at the burn she felt at the breach. 

He paused. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, continue,” she lied.

He had felt the resistance but thought it was just because it had been a while for her. However, when he gently pushed forward again, she couldn’t stop the painful yelp that escaped her lips. He pulled out immediately to stare at her in concern. 

“Naa, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Please continue,” she begged, not willing for him to stop despite the excruciating pain she was feeling. She was determined to beat this problem she had almost forgotten about. Besides, she really wanted this. 

“Naa. You’re in pain. I can tell from your face.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll be fine,” she insisted.

He shook his head, worried that he had hurt her. “But it does matter, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Embarrassed and upset by the situation, she climbed off the bed and grabbed her robe from its hook, shrugging into it.

“I need a few minutes alone,” she muttered before dashing out to the living room.

Still confused and worried about what just happened, Senna glanced at his softening member.

“You just hurt my woman.” 

He decided to give her a few minutes to calm down and then search for her.

In the living room, Naa sat on her double-seater, pulling her knees up to her chin. She gave herself a few minutes to cry, then went to her guest bathroom to wash her face. Feeling sorry for herself, she returned to the sofa and wondered what Senna would think of her. 

When he was sure he had given her enough time, Senna pulled his trousers on and went to search for his girlfriend. 

“I’m so sorry,” Naa apologised when she felt him behind her. “I really wanted this, I swear.”

“I know; don’t worry about that. Are you okay now?”

She lifted a shoulder. “I guess.”

“Is the pain gone?”

“Yeah, I feel okay now. I’m so sorry, Senna. I don’t know why this is happening again.”

His hands moved to her shoulders, gently massaging them. “Calm down, babe. I’m not upset. I just want to know what happened. I was gentle, and I barely got my tip in, but you were obviously in a lot of pain. I thought you said you weren’t a virgin.”

“I’m not—or maybe I am—I don’t know!” She cried out in frustration. 

Senna was confused, but he tried to calm her down, moving around the sofa to sit next to her.

“Okay, let me make it simple. Has a man penetrated your vagina before?”

He almost smiled when he saw her embarrassment at his direct question. “You’re so cute with your selective prudishness.”

Naa rolled her eyes and pretended that her face hadn’t warmed at the question. “Maybe you’re the one who is crude.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Let me try this again.” He cleared his throat dramatically. “My dear lady, has any man had the privilege of crossing over the majestic exterior of your sweet honeypot?”

He was rewarded when her sad face broke into a chuckle. “You’re so silly.”

He took her hand and smiled. “Crude and silly. The insults I take.”

He was happy when she brought their joined hands to her lips. He loved it when she did that, and it showed that she was calming down. 

“Thank you for making this easier for me. And to answer the question, yes, once, with my ex, but it was so painful that full penetration was just that once.”

“And he didn’t stop?”

“We both convinced ourselves that the pain was because I was a virgin and that with subsequent sex it would be alright. It was excruciating, but thankfully short. Most of the pain disappeared after he pulled out, but I was sore for days.” 

The idea of her hurting that way made his heart ache. “I’m sorry. Sex isn’t supposed to be painful. You know that, right?”

Naa shrugged. “I guess?”

“Well, there are people that enjoy pain during sex, but that is a whole different topic.”

“I know about that.”

“Do you?” He teased her with a grin.

She gave him a slight jab with her elbow, but he just laughed. When he sobered up, he returned to the topic. “Could you tell me how it feels during penetration? I know it hurts, but what is it like for you?”

“It burns and feels like you’re trying to hit a wall. I’m sorry.”

“Naa, please stop apologising as if you’ve done something wrong. You’re the one who was in pain. Technically, I hurt you.”

She shook her head. “You didn’t mean to hurt me, and you stopped when you noticed I was hurting. It’s not your fault that I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken. Have you been able to insert anything at all? Like tampons? Or had a vaginal exam?”

She shook her head. “I tried a tampon once, but it hurt, so I had to stop. I really hate that we’re having this conversation. I feel so embarrassed.”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. And frankly, if you can’t talk to your partner about how you feel during sex, you shouldn’t be having sex with them in the first place. It’s important for us to be able to communicate properly in and out of bed. You shouldn’t have to suffer because you’re embarrassed. And don’t feel awkward talking to me about anything related to sex. I want to know everything; how you feel, what you like and don’t like. When we’re in bed together, I want you to moan in pleasure, not pain. So if you’re feeling pain, you have to feel comfortable enough to tell me so that we can find the source of the problem and work on it together.”

Naa sighed. “You’re right. It’s just that sometimes I forget the kind of man I’m with.”

“Babe, I don’t know the kind of man you’ve always known, but there is nothing special about me considering your feelings and not wanting to hurt you sexually. It should be the norm. Women shouldn’t be having sex with men who don’t consider their feelings.”

“Hmmm…I just wish it wasn’t like that for me. It’s part of the reason I’ve been avoiding intimacy with men. But I thought it would be different with you. Beyond the love, I am so sexually attracted to you. So why is this still happening?” she lamented.

“I think I know what the problem is,” he offered gently.

“Yes, I know. I have a spiritual husband,” she cried out in dejection. 

Senna sputtered, his face lighting up with laughter until he realised that she was not laughing. 

“You’re serious?” he asked incredulously. 

“It’s not funny!” she cried out, eyes filling with tears.

Senna was astounded. She was serious. And that didn’t sound like her at all. He watched his usually logical and level-headed girlfriend, considering how to approach the topic without upsetting or making her cry. 

“Ermm. How did you know that you have a–”

He paused because it was hard for him to even say it with a straight face, but he had to try.

“Naa, why do you think you have a spiritual husband?”

“Because my ex-boyfriend told me! He’s a pastor.”

Senna stared at her in disbelief. “Is he the same one you tried having sex with before?”

“Yes,” she nodded miserably, her fingers twisting in nervous agitation.

The situation was so ridiculous that he would have laughed if she didn’t look so miserable.

His poor sweetheart. 

Leaning closer, he pulled her to him and put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

“Babe, I want to understand this better. So you tried having sex with this ex of yours who is a pastor, and when it was too painful for you, he told you that the reason your vagina was trying to block his entry is because you have a spiritual husband?”

Put that way, it sounded silly, but she shrugged. “Yes. He said my spiritual husband disapproved of our love and was trying to protect his interests.”

Senna prayed for strength to continue keeping a straight face and a neutral tone. “And you believed him?” 

The look that flitted across her face made him see that at least a part of her recognised how ridiculous that belief was, but she tightened her jaw and threw him a defiant look.

“He was a good pastor, and at the time, the explanation made some sense. I haven’t heard of any girl having that kind of problem before.”

“Hmmm…out of curiosity, what did he recommend as a solution to this, err, spiritual problem?”

Knowing him, her eyes narrowed suspiciously at the question, trying to see if he was making fun of her, but he kept his expression blank.

“He said the only way to break free of the spiritual bondage was for him to physically break the spiritual barrier with force. All I had to do was ignore the pain and have sex with him a couple of times.” 

Senna was incensed. “Easy for him to say when he won’t be the one enduring the pain. What happens if you can’t ignore the pain then?”

“He said he would tie me up as part of the process to help me keep still.”

“What?” All his amusement fled at the thought of her in that kind of pain. “this pastor thought the way to solve your supposed spiritual problem was to rape you?”

She frowned. “It wasn’t rape. It wasn’t!” she insisted when she saw how angry he was getting. 

“So what happened?” he asked, forcing himself to calm down. They would revisit that aspect later when she wasn’t feeling so defensive. 

Naa knew that there was some truth in what Senna was saying, but she was too ashamed to admit now that she had been that gullible, and thinking about it made her defensive. Trying for a calmer tone, she explained, “I didn’t like the idea of being tied down, so I convinced him to try without the bondage first. But when he forced himself inside, the pain was too much, so I begged him to stop.”

“And did he?”

Tears rushed into her eyes when she remembered the pain and the feelings of shame and helplessness. “He told me to be brave and endure the pain so that I could be saved, but I couldn’t, so I pushed him off with force. Adrenaline, I guess. And that was the end of that relationship. He said I should call him only when I was ready to break my marriage to the demon. It was a horrible experience.”

“Ah, my love. I’m so sorry. He was a dickhead,” Senna comforted, pulling her into his arms as she cried.

When she was over her crying jag, he grabbed some tissues from the dining table to wipe her face.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do. Are you upset about it?” Naa asked her boyfriend.

He put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m not upset, Naa. And stop apologising; you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s not your fault.”

“I know, but having the woman you love in a spiritual marriage is not something anyone prepares for.”

Senna let out a snort. “Are we still on this? You do not have a spiritual husband, Babe.”

She frowned. “But–” 

“There are no buts. I suspect that what you do have is vaginismus, but you have to see a sexual health doctor to be sure.

“Vaginismus? What is that?”

“It’s a sexual health condition that affects some women, and from the symptoms you just described: the burning sensation at penetration, the feeling like my dick was hitting a wall, and your inability to insert anything at all into your vagina without serious pain, they’re all symptoms of vaginismus. Some women with the condition have never been able to insert anything at all, while some are able to do so but with a lot of pain—like in your case.”

Naa’s eyes widened. “Really?”

It felt surreal to put a name to what had been happening to her. “Are you sure this is really a thing?”

“Trust me. You would need a doctor to confirm, but if that is what you do have, then we will know how to deal with it.”

“Do you know what causes it?” she asked, still not completely convinced that other women were going through the same situation. 

“Doctors aren’t sure about what causes it, but some factors are known to help it develop. It could be a result of some trauma you faced that makes you anxious about penetration. Anxiety causes the vagina to unconsciously tighten up. Then again, if you have a hormonal imbalance, dryness, or infection, it can contribute to it. I can attest that dryness is not your problem,” he added to lighten the conversation. 

She snorted. “I don’t have an infection either. I don’t know if any of the contributing causes apply to me.”

“Don’t worry about that. Once you’re diagnosed, the doctor will help you find the root cause, and that will determine the kind of treatment you’ll be given.”

She felt hope blooming for the first time. “There’s treatment for it?”

“Oh yeah, both physical and psychotherapy — as I said, it depends on the root cause. I don’t know too much about that aspect, but I know that kegel exercises and vaginal training are some of the ways to deal with it. They can help open up your vagina more to allow penetration. Oh, and lube. It can also make the penetration easier.”

Naa assimilated all the information, feeling silly for not doing some research earlier. 

“How do you know so much about it?” she asked Senna with raised brows. 

He smiled. “I’m a doctor, remember?”

“Yeah, but you’re a medical doctor, not a gynaecologist.”

He laughed. “I still know a little about everything. Plus, I read a lot about different types of medical conditions. You know what? Let me find some information for you to read yourself.”

He pulled out his phone from his pocket and typed vaginismus into his Google search. “Oh, see.  There are some hits from Adventures from the Bedroom of African Women.” 

“Really? I don’t remember reading anything like that.”

“Maybe you should be reading more than erotica from there then,” he suggested with a smirk. 

“Oh, shut up,” she returned, elbowing him slightly as her face warmed.

After clicking on one of the results, he handed the phone to her. Naa’s eyes widened as she read about vaginismus, and the feeling of being understood for the first time almost brought her to tears again.

She turned to Senna. “This is exactly how it feels. Oh my god, Senna, it was a health condition all along? I didn’t fully believe in the spiritual husband thing, but I didn’t think it would be an actual condition. When I couldn’t even insert a tampon without feeling pain, I felt that my threshold for pain may just be too low.”

“Didn’t it occur to you to see a gynaecologist?”

Naa scoffed. “With which money? You know that money has always been tight in my family. Going to the hospital when you weren’t sick was considered a waste of money. Now that I’ve got a good job and can afford medical check-ups, going to see a gynaecologist has still never occurred to me. Besides, I was so embarrassed by the situation that I didn’t know how to tell anyone else about it.”

Senna hugged her briefly. “Aww Babe.”

She leaned into him. “You’re the only person in my life I can openly talk about sex with, and that’s even because you’re so matter-of-fact about it and you make it normal. Talking about sex was always taboo growing up, so it’s hard for me to get over the embarrassment and discuss it.”

He nodded. “You still get embarrassed with me sometimes,” he teased, then shook his head. “I’m surprised that you never searched for the symptoms online.”

“It was just…”

“Easier for you to believe that you had a spiritual husband?” he deadpanned.

She elbowed him in the side again. 

“Ow! What was that for? I’ve been good! Do you have any idea how hard it was not to laugh?”

She gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I’ve given you teasing fodder for life, haven’t I?”

Senna grinned. “You have no idea.” 

Filled with love and affection for her, he pulled her in for a quick kiss. When she deepened the kiss, he pulled her up so that she was astride him.

Naa was getting wet again, her arousal steadily climbing as he nuzzled her neck. His large hands slipped into the robe to fondle her breasts, his fingers flicking at her buds. 

She took his lips in another kiss, moaning into his mouth as the kiss deepened. When they pulled away for some air, she was wet and throbbing, her earlier arousal back in full force. He was hard as well, evidence of his arousal poking her. 

“Would you like to go back to bed? We can do other stuff aside from penetrative sex,” Senna suggested, aroused as well. He wanted to make her feel good and give her an orgasm for causing her some pain earlier, even if he hadn’t meant to.

When she moaned her agreement — because his fingers were still fondling her breasts — he stood up with her in his arms, her legs wrapped around him as he walked them back to her bedroom. The kissing continued after he laid her gently on the bed and got rid of their clothes, becoming intense as their tongues warred with each other.

Knowing how much she enjoyed it earlier, he made love to her chest, cupping the weight of her generous mounds in his large palms as he suckled the nipples. She moaned her pleasure, tensing a bit when she felt his fingers on her sex, but relaxed and resumed moaning when he fingered her clit and spread the wetness seeping from her core without trying to penetrate. 

“Trust me,” he murmured before abandoning her gorgeous breasts to caress below them, making love to the skin in slow circles before moving to her soft belly to give it the same treatment. 

When Senna slid down to drop feathered kisses on the spots his hands had touched, she held her breath in anticipation of his lips on her mound, gushing warm liquid from her core to coat her entrance. 

The first touch of his tongue on her clit released a gasp of pleasure from her lips. He continued to lick and suck until her loud moans filled the room. Just as she was about to cum, he lifted his head up to grin at her.

She frowned at the wicked act, opening her mouth to demand that he continue when he beat her to it, asking with a smirk, “Do you think your spiritual husband would approve of this?”

She couldn’t help but snort with laughter at the unexpected teasing at such a time, but it was just like him, and love swelled in her chest. “Oh my god, I hate you so much.”

The grin he gave her was both affectionate and salacious, causing more liquid to escape her folds. “I love you too, Baby.”

She smiled, feeling loved and cherished. “Now shut up and suck.”

“Your wish is my command, my bold baddie,” he teased with a chuckle, but he did shut up and sucked until she reached a screaming orgasm. 

She still had vaginismus, but now she knew she could get help to manage it. Until then, both of them could get their orgasms in other ways.