I wake up each day with a smile on my face,
Until I remember the dilemma I face.
Each day that I have to pretend I’m straight,
pushes me further into a depressive state.
It’s not fair what the world wants to dictate;
That I should be doomed for unhappiness because it’s women I date.
I tried to make myself straight,
but nothing I did would take.
Subjecting myself to the groping hands of men I don’t desire,
I hoped to rid myself of this intense fire
that burns in me only when I’m with her
Because it is impossible for us to be together here.
I tried to pray the gay away,
not wanting to be led astray.
But each time I asked God why he made me this way,
The only answer I heard were echoes of my pain.
And the insistent rumblings of my stomach remained,
reminding me that it was time to end a fast again.
It’s hard to let go of the fear that one day their eyes will clear
and they will notice that it’s not him but her that I hold dear.
All it would take is for someone to look a bit closer,
But they would never understand that it was my heart that chose her.
In the bosom of sleep, I am happiest
From all my fears and worries, I can rest.
They ask me why I love to sleep,
But if I told them the truth, they would probably weep.
Because it’s only in sleep I can be sincere,
and not think about a lifetime of pretense and fear.
For in my dreams, I find a better world
where in my lover’s arms I’m openly curled.
