Why I Love to Sleep

Photo Credit: bodylogue

I wake up each day with a smile on my face,

Until I remember the dilemma I face.

Each day that I have to pretend I’m straight,

pushes me further into a depressive state.

It’s not fair what the world wants to dictate;

That I should be doomed for unhappiness because it’s women I date.

I tried to make myself straight,

but nothing I did would take.

Subjecting myself to the groping hands of men I don’t desire,

I hoped to rid myself of this intense fire

that burns in me only when I’m with her

Because it is impossible for us to be together here.

I tried to pray the gay away, 

not wanting to be led astray.

But each time I asked God why he made me this way,

The only answer I heard were echoes of my pain.

And the insistent rumblings of my stomach remained,

reminding me that it was time to end a fast again.

It’s hard to let go of the fear that one day their eyes will clear

and they will notice that it’s not him but her that I hold dear.

All it would take is for someone to look a bit closer,

But they would never understand that it was my heart that chose her.

In the bosom of sleep, I am happiest

From all my fears and worries, I can rest.

They ask me why I love to sleep, 

But if I told them the truth, they would probably weep.

Because it’s only in sleep I can be sincere,

and not think about a lifetime of pretense and fear.

For in my dreams, I find a better world

where in my lover’s arms I’m openly curled.

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