Written by Nyambura
Nothing is as elusive as time and in days like these, I want it to stop so that I can savour the moment, take a mental picture of this wonderful view of the Indian Ocean, and remember how the sand particles feel between my toes, the tanginess of the salty water on my tongue, the glow on my face because of the nice, warm, Zanzibar weather and good loving.
More than that, I have fallen in love. Though fast, but my heart is so gullible.
And that person is holding my hand as we stroll along this white beach. And the ocean? It is gorgeous. I am an ‘ocean person’ because this deep satisfaction in my soul cannot come from anywhere else. Can you imagine, a blue that is somehow transitioning to silver, sprinkled with gold streaks from the setting sun and kissing the sky in the far horizon. A sky awash with red and orange hues. If it was music, it would sound like a coloratura. Nothing makes up for a more romantic setting.
And us, walking into the ocean, the gentle waves crushing to our knees, the warm breeze on my face and I can feel his hold on my hand tightening. When I turn to look at him, I see such a precious look full of awe, and I cannot sustain the eye contact because I suddenly feel shy.
I can’t imagine how much better this vacation would have been, and how else I would have experienced these nights without him. I am even scared of examining my heart because I am afraid to think of a future without his presence. The instant attraction, the affection, warm touches, firm, and endearing kisses on my lips.
There is something magical about this town, so seductive and alluring, that led me to the beauty in his eyes. The idea of being on stolen time and being nestled in an island so far away.
We arrived in Zanzibar on a humid Sunday afternoon. We had been online friends for almost a year, and we used to comment on each other’s stories and like each other’s pictures. A mutual friend had introduced us, and she thought it would be a great idea to travel together for a vacation.
When I first saw Dan, I thought he was insanely attractive. My friend would tell you that he kept casting glances at me, from the moment we stepped into a tuk tuk to get to our Airbnb. He reminded me of someone I used to like a lot, especially his full lips, and now thinking of those lips, I remember how they sucked my breasts with his body trembling on top of me with restrained muscle strength.
Before we left for the beach that day, we had freshened up and when I went to sit and wait for my friend in what became our common lounge, he looked up from his phone and said, ‘I thought you were coming to sit next to me?’ And I laughed and asked him whether he was sure, and he squeezed for me, despite the lounge having three other large seats.
He had held my shoulders in a one-hand embrace and I remember thinking his fingers resting on my shoulders were hot.
We went to the beach and casual flirting had started. We even took a super intimate picture, and if you look at it you would think we had been lovers for years. It did not take long for me to know that something was going to happen.
In the sunset, we held hands, posed against the backdrop of the ocean in dramatic romantic pictures. His arms wrapped around my waist, his front pressed against my back. Our feet stuck in the sand, my head thrown back and him pressing his face at the crook of my neck. I felt so much heat when his hands would graze on my breasts, on my skin.
Tanqueray Gin. Zanzibar Nights
As in most occasions, Gin is the promise of unpredictable but memorable decisions. After dinner, we cozied up with a bottle of gin, and that night, we became lovers from strangers, with the same hunger to be touched, to be loved and to feel anything at all. I remember the three short nights lying in bed with him, with heavy rain pounding the windows. Holding each other’s warm and naked but sticky bodies, in the afterglow of heated love making, and him asking me where I grew up. As I told him, I was tracing a scar on his chest, which he told me he got when he was herding his grandfather’s goats.
I remember the gentle fondling, soft caresses, and random kisses. Obviously, I wish I got to experience more of this; even now. His semi-erect dick lying so attractively between us, our feet tangled with each other, my head on his shoulders. I would turn to look up at him when he said something personal, and I would press my lips on his shoulders, then he would apply some pressure on my thigh with the hand he was using to hold me.
When we were quiet, we were comfortable. Calm. Quiet, in each other’s thoughts and minds.
That night, before ending up in the same bed, with our friend blissfully unaware, he kept wanting to kiss me. His mouth would be so near mine, but our lips would not meet, because I would pull my face away, and I would kiss his neck. When we finally kissed, his kisses were erratic, and urgent. Almost the way you lick an ice cream fast before it melts, lapping towards the final sweetness. When it came to loving, he was the gentlest lover I had ever had. The feeling of being in a utopia, surrounded by vibrant sunshine.
On our flight back to Nairobi, we shared Air pods, and this song by Kate Miller was on repeat – Fortify. That song is so romantic, and it starts like this, ‘Tonight, I’m gonna face the sun, taste you as the raindrops run over me, they are dripping down, your eyes right on my skin, I’m gonna pull you deeper until you are part of me… come with me now.’
Even though we knew that we were going to end up in different parts of the world, and I was not sure when I would see him again, I felt the passion, I felt love. And that’s the thing, concepts like time and present feelings, are not within my control. I am led by the universe, and I love to experience time as it comes and goes.
When we got off the plane to our different destinations, I felt hopeless. The last kiss from his lips, blown along the aisle through his fingers.
I miss him with every fibre of my being. And I know he misses me too. I wonder if we had more time, if anything would have been different. I was so scared of time moving, and maybe that is why during our vacation, I couldn’t sleep. I was afraid time would fly by and leave me, choking on my fears.
As Molière says, unbroken happiness is a bore. It should have ups and downs.