Written by Nobuhle Nyoni
Have you ever received a random compliment about your outfit, shoes, or skin from a stranger? You and I can agree that the feeling is priceless. The bounce in your step changes, and you spend the rest of your day smiling so hard it hurts. And that’s because receiving compliments or being praised makes one feel validated.
But for some, it is deeper than that. Compliments or praise make them feel both validated and aroused. Yep, you read that right! Some clits tingle to the sound of praise. Ladies, allow us to introduce you to the praise kink.
What is a praise kink?
A praise kink, which is also known as affirmation play, is a sexual kink that is triggered when one receives a compliment or praise. There isn’t a specific type of praise or compliment. Simple words such as, ‘You make great tea,’ could get them wet and ready for action.
The clear distinction between words of affirmation and the praise kink is the arousal aspect. Those whose love language is words of affirmation and individuals who do not subscribe to the praise kink, go through the normal chemical reaction following the reception of a compliment or praise. The reward centre in their brain gets activated, causing the release of dopamine, the hormone responsible for pleasure, satisfaction and motivation. A physiological response is triggered immediately, leaving the individual happy and self-satisfied. The chemical reaction for those with the praise kink is slightly different. These individuals get both the dopamine and oxytocin rush. Oxytocin, the love hormone, is responsible for sexual arousal, romantic attraction and trust.
Praise kink lovers fall under two categories, which are focus and humiliation. The individuals that prefer focus need their partner to drill down on a specific skill, behaviour or body part. The practice is quite similar to body worship. There is also an opportunity to focus on the person’s value. For example, if your partner has worked hard to perfect their strokes or tongue work, this is what you can focus your praise on. A service-oriented person gels very well with a person who prefers focus praise.
Humiliation kinks are often associated with mean energy and harsh words. Not with this kink. The humiliation comes from the fact that the individuals struggle to receive compliments. They feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. So, the kind words bring forward discomfort that arouses them. The plus side is that the practice may help them get used to receiving compliments. Confidence built, and orgasms delivered!
Do I have it?
“I love the way you read. Focus looks so sexy on you.”
How did that make you feel? If your nipples hardened or you felt yourself get wet, then you have a praise kink. Having the praise kink means that compliments inside or outside your bedroom bring forth sexual thoughts. And chances are, when masturbating, your mind creates scenes that involve communication where you are being appreciated, acknowledged or praised. Or you could replay the compliments you received during your day.
Another way to tell if you have the kink or not is by watching how often you seek opportunities to serve. The usual result after providing good service is praise, acknowledgement and gratitude. If you find yourself going above and beyond to learn a new skill for your partner in the hopes of getting praise for it, you might have the kink. Of course, this only counts if the praise arouses you. If not, then it simply means you are fulfilling a love language.
The porn that you watch can also be a telling factor. Having the praise kink means that you gravitate towards porn that has a lot of vocal encouragement. And you are not turning down the volume because you need to hear those affirmations loud and clear.
Lastly, what is your flirting style Adventurer? If you give praise as a form of flirting, welcome to the club! There is a saying that goes, ‘We teach people how to love us.’ And I guess this is the way to discreetly introduce your kink or accidentally ignite your date’s kink. Oops!
How to get it right!
- Be specific and thorough about your needs. Words are powerful, and they could make or break your sexual experience. Understanding the words or phrases that arouse a person with a praise kink is an important step. Some words or phrases could be triggering or a turn-off. Ask about those. Additionally, the desired tone should be part of the conversation. Getting all of this right means that your sexual experiences will be pleasurable.
- Carry the praise throughout the day. The same way a little spank will get some individuals ready to get freaky later is the same way praise works for this kink. Stinginess does not work for this bunch. The compliments are desired in and outside the bedroom. Be sure to pay close attention to their outfits, hairstyles or scents. Let them know that any or all of those things get you frisky. Sometimes, let them know that something they did for you made your day. You might find them waiting for you on the kitchen counter, naked!
- Get creative with it. Text messages, calls and in-person compliments are great, but keep it interesting. Take them on a scavenger hunt. Plant notes around the house, fill each one with a compliment + a clue on where to find the next one. Instead of a money cake for their birthday, go for a ‘praise cake.’ And WAP on a silver platter is served. Bon Appetit!
Phrases you could use:
- You have the perfect lips for kissing.
- It drives me crazy when you do (insert activity, sexual or non-sexual).
- I can’t wait to show you off tonight.
- You have the perfect (insert body part of choice).
- You have no idea what you are doing to me.
- You know how to use your (insert body part).
- The sounds you make when I (insert activity) are hot.
- Your touch drives me wild.
- You know me so well.
- Your (insert body part) is so soft.
To all the girls that consider themselves sluts for compliments, I love the way you move! And to those that are still unsure where they stand, I encourage you to turn on that praise-centred porn, get comfy and keep an ear out for the sex gods’ whisper. Praise and orgasms await you.
