A few weeks ago, Nigerian men on Twitter came up with a new name for women: Settings babe. One would never have guessed what it meant, and even after I explain it, you might still wonder how they came up with it.
A Settings babe is a woman who accepts invitations as long as she knows food will be available and she can take pictures. The term caused an uproar online because it was another instance of men using the slang to shame women for how they choose to live their lives. This is not the first time it has happened, and unfortunately, it will not be the last.
Words like “ashewo”, a Nigerian derogatory term for a prostitute, have been used to slut-shame women for years. The label is often used against women who are not sex workers but are perceived as promiscuous or too sexually expressive. It does not matter whether a woman actually engages in sex work or is just going about her day. That single label can sum her up and question her character as a person.
A woman can post a picture of herself in a bikini, speak openly about sex, have multiple sexual partners, or even refuse to fit into society’s expectations of how women should behave, and she is called names like bitch, whore, slay queen, and ashewo, among other insults used to shame women and undermine their worth.
This kind of judgement can follow women into situations where their clothes or their sexuality should have nothing to do with the way they are treated. A tweet I came across recently raised concerns about how media outlets and influencers report cases of women who have been sexually assaulted, physically abused, or killed, often using pictures and videos of them in revealing clothes.
As the writer pointed out, this can encourage people to associate what a woman wore with what happened to her. This shifts the attention and turns her clothing into part of the public discussion about her abuse or death. Instead of focusing on the person responsible, people begin to scrutinise the woman and suggest that her appearance somehow justifies the violence against her. This can also be seen in how people believe that sex workers cannot be raped or that they deserve violence because of the work they do.
It is common for people to casually dismiss slut-shaming as name-calling or the unfortunate consequence of putting oneself in the public eye. But when a woman’s supposed sexuality becomes a reason to discredit her, or dictate how she should behave, it becomes a way of policing her life.
In many African communities, expectations of respectable womanhood are closely tied to women’s sexual behaviour. For example, a woman is expected to be modest but still attractive; she should be desirable but not too sexually expressive. If she is independent, she must also be careful not to appear as though she is challenging gender roles that have already been established. These expectations make it hard for women to make their own choices without risking judgement.
Sometimes, a woman does not even have to do anything sexual to attract this scrutiny. Something as little as a photograph, a friendship, a rumour about a relationship, an opinion about sex, or being seen in the company of a man can be enough. These labels can overshadow her achievements and personal circumstances. Once people decide what kind of woman she is, they may interpret everything else about her through that assumption.
We cannot address slut-shaming without talking about the double standards attached to it. A man can openly talk about how many women he has slept with and be praised for his sexual experience, while a woman who discusses her body count may be insulted and judged.
What makes this issue more problematic is how women play a role in enabling and enforcing these standards. They slut-shame other women, call them names, mock them for their sexual choices, and judge their clothes and relationships. Some of them insist that women who behave a certain way deserve the criticism they get. They defend slut-shaming as a way to promote modesty or protect women’s reputations. Others distance themselves from women who are labelled promiscuous to show that they are different.
Although women are not responsible for the standard imposed on them, their participation shows how these expectations can easily be normalised. When a woman joins in ridiculing another woman’s sexuality or excuses the harassment she receives, she helps to maintain that culture that can be used against other women, including herself.
For some women, however, words like “ashewo” have begun to lose their power. They have realised that almost anything can attract the label and its meaning can vary depending on a person’s community, culture, religion and environment. A woman might be called an ashewo for holding hands with a man, returning home late at night, accepting gifts or attending social events. The word has been used so loosely that some women have refused to let it determine how they see themselves. Some even use it jokingly or respond to it without defending their sexual histories. Others have openly challenged the idea that being sexually active makes a woman less deserving of respect.
While reclaiming a slur can help women challenge the shame attached to it, it does not remove its power. The word can still be used as an excuse to mistreat women or justify abuse. A woman should not have to prove that an insult does not bother her before she is treated with dignity.
The problem with names like “Settings babe” is that they may look like jokes on the surface, but they reflect the same impulse behind names like “ashewo”, which is an attempt to turn a woman’s choice into a verdict on her character.
A woman’s sexuality should never be used as a measure of her character or as a way to justify violence against her. None of her choices should determine whether she deserves respect.
