To talk about kissing as an art, we need to talk about chemistry and all the things that build up to that exact moment.
Imagine running into someone you’ve had a crush on for months. You are at the lounge when your eyes meet. One second, two seconds, three, four. Neither of you looks away until you finally break eye contact, almost as if they have been staring straight into your soul.
You can feel their eyes on you even when you are not looking. When you raise your head again, your eyes meet for the second time. Now you’re almost certain they are interested in you, too. But they are on a date, so you don’t approach them, and neither do they. That’s how your evening ends.
Except it doesn’t really end there… You can’t seem to get them out of your head. You keep remembering the way they looked at you, and you wonder what might have happened if one of you had made a move.
Weeks later, you attend a rave, and there they are again, looking every bit as good as you remember. You steal glances at them, only to realise they are doing the same. Eventually, one of you gathers the courage to walk over, and you start talking.
The conversation flows really well, and there are no awkward silences. You discover that you have more in common than you expected. Before long, you are holding hands and walking towards a quieter, darker part of the building.
You stop beside the wall, facing each other. You can see strands of moonlight fall across their face. You are still holding hands, but neither of you is talking anymore. Then you notice them leaning towards you.
Finally, the moment you’ve imagined, fantasised about and replayed in your head is happening.
How do you kiss them?
Do you kiss them slowly, wanting to savour every second?
You reach for the back of their head and guide them closer until your lips meet. The first touch is soft, almost tentative. You can feel yourself trembling slightly as you tilt your head and settle into the rhythm of their lips.
You relax into the warmth of their mouth; their hand rests against your back to draw you closer. They pull away just enough to look at you as they brush your cheek with their thumb before leaning in again.
This time, the kiss lingers. Your hands find their shirt and hold on to it as though you don’t want the moment to end. Their hands move to your waist and back, as they search for somewhere comfortable to rest. Between kisses, you smile at each other and when they kiss you again, you wonder how something as simple as two people pressing their lips together can feel this good.
Or do you kiss them urgently, as though you’ve both waited too long for this moment?
Their lips meet yours with an eagerness that makes you forget whatever you were about to say. You kiss their upper lip, then lower lip, before you settle into a deeper kiss. You pull them closer, your hands finding their hair, and break apart only to lean in for another kiss. There’s laughter, then another kiss, and that irresistible feeling of wanting more.
And when a kiss feels this good, you might begin to wonder whether the other person is an incredible kisser or if the chemistry between you is what makes it special.
But apart from the anticipation and the butterflies, is there anything about the way someone kisses that tells you what they are like in bed?
I spoke to African women about what makes someone a good kisser, whether a good kiss can predict good sex, and what they’ve learnt from their own experiences.
What Makes Someone A Good Kisser?
For Valerie, a good kiss comes down to paying attention and patience. She believes you can often get an idea of someone’s sexual abilities from the way they kiss, especially when they take their time instead of just rushing through the experience.
“They are not just attacking you,” she says. “They are teasing you just to check what you are comfortable with, without rushing you. Slowly at first before going deeper till you lose yourself.”
She also thinks people can be selfish when kissing; they tend to focus on what they want instead of what their partner enjoys. As someone with small lips, she wants a partner who takes time and gives equal attention to both lips. And if there is one thing she cannot stand, it is someone who uses their teeth or tries to lick their entire face in the name of kissing.
“NEVER EVER KISS WITH TEETH,” she insists.
For Mercy, there is no single technique that makes someone a good kisser. “What works for the goose sometimes may not work for the gander,” she says.
She sees kissing as a form of communication and believes one needs to pay attention to their partner’s body language, needs and desires. When you are attuned to the person you are kissing, she believes, it is almost impossible to go wrong.
Mercy pointed out that foreplay begins even before your lips meet. She describes it as a mental thing. “Do prolonged eye contact. Communicate desire to kiss. Act like you are starving and my lips are the only source of hydration in a desert. Be horny for my lips.”
For both women, a good kiss is more than knowing what to do with your lips. It is also about paying attention to the person you are kissing. But can that attentiveness tell you what to expect when the kissing leads to something more?
Can A Good Kiss Predict Good Sex?
For Valerie, the answer is yes. She believes that the attention someone pays to their partner while kissing can offer clues about how they will be in bed. Her own experience seems to support that belief.
“The kissing was gooddddddddd, but I didn’t know he had other talents,” she says, as she recalls an experience that left her surprised.
Mercy also believes there is a connection. She remembers an experience with someone who was gentle and patient throughout their time together.
“They were really gentle and patient for the entirety of the hanky-panky,” she says.
Her partner apologised whenever they thought they might have caused discomfort and asked for consent before doing anything. It turned out to be one of the best sexual experiences of her life.
For Mercy, the way someone handles you while kissing can give you a sense of how they will approach other forms of intimacy. She believes a good partner should be considerate and willing to pay attention to a partner’s comfort.
Presh, however, has had experiences that make connection less straightforward.
With her first sexual partner, a long-term boyfriend, there were times when the kissing made her melt and other times when it fell flat. Their sexual experiences varied, too.
Her second experience was different. Although she describes the kissing as just “there”, the foreplay was memorable.
“The foreplay was fucking good, like fucking fucking good,” she says. “Oh my God, I had an orgasm from the experience.”
For Presh, kissing can tell you something about sexual compatibility, but it is important for them to pay attention to your reactions and respond to what you enjoy.
“When you lean and he leans back, when you moan and he intensifies, when you say, ‘Oh, I like when someone kisses my upper lips,’ and he listens, I feel that it’s going to be good,” she explains. In other words, a person does not have to get everything right immediately. They just have to be willing to listen and adjust.
Still, it is not everyone who believes the kiss itself tells you about someone’s sexual abilities.
Sometimes, It Is About More Than The Kiss
For Shalom, accessing someone’s sexual potential starts even before they kiss. She pays attention to how they express their attraction to her, how they behave when they are physically close to her, and how they touch her when they eventually kiss. She also believes there is a difference between finding someone physically attractive and finding them sexy.
“There are people that are not even, like, conventionally attractive, but they are just sexy. They exude sexiness,” she says.
When it comes to kissing, Shalom pays attention to how someone touches her and if their movements feel natural. Sometimes, she says, she can get a sense of what sex with someone might be like from the way they touch her while making out.
But she doesn’t believe kissing is a reliable predictor of sexual ability. “Sometimes, someone is a great kisser, but they are terrible in bed. Sometimes they are terrible kissers, but they just know how to fuck,” she says.
So, Is A Good Kisser A Good Lover?
A good kiss can leave you wanting more, it can make you feel desired, and it can even reveal chemistry you didn’t know existed. However, kissing is a different experience for different women and maybe what matters most is how they pay attention to the person they are kissing. After all, you can teach someone what you like, but they have to be willing to listen.
And sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss; it does not have to predict anything or prove that someone will be good in bed.
