An Open Response to a Concerned Friend: Dating a Sexuality Blogger

I had some really interesting comments in response to my post on “Dating a Sexuality Blogger”. Even though the post was uploaded on 9th May, 2009 I still occasionally get a comment about it. In part, this is because of how Word Press enables me to show the most popular posts.

A fairly new (but we have quickly become close) friend responded to this post. I started to respond in the comments field but my comment was becoming so long that I thought I would make it a full post and an open response.

Nana Kofi – Wow! Charle, the compliments!!! How nice that you see me in such a rosy light 🙂 On a serious note, I appreciate the sentiments and thoughts behind your comment.

My responses:

• Negotiating about my blogging future with a man (whom I’m in a relationship with)? Hmm, na wa ooo. If someone said to me don’t blog about me and you, then I won’t do it. If there is room to negotiate then I will negotiate to make the person in the post anonymous, or write the post like it was a story, an experience someone else told me about, etc. There are so many options.
• Men who worry what other people will say? That one is hard ooo. I think anyone who really wants to “date” me has to take it as part of the baggage I come with. Even when I was a virgin people talked about me, now that I blog about sex some people say I am “go able”. I think people just love to talk even when they have nothing to say. Sometimes it bothers me but I think I just have to let it go ‘cos I just want to be me.
• Sex with a sex expert? Charle, I am hardly a sex expert oooo so they just might be disappointed. On the other hand I will only have sex with someone that I really want to have sex with … chances are I will not be in love with them either. To date I have only been in love with one man. My heart doesn’t break easily at all…
• Blogging with a pseudonym? It is way too late for me to do that. However, I thought about that when I started writing my blog but I made a conscious decision to write under my own name. I even told my parents about my blog just so if they heard some “filla” they will know that “this crazy daughter of ours, well, at least she forewarned us”. My biggest concern with blogging under my own name was the effect it would have on my political career if I was to engage in politics because I do have political ambitions. Can you imagine the vetting? People will have a field day. Anyway, I think I have changed my mind about engaging actively in Ghanaian politics so that may not be so much of an issue. On the other hand won’t it be a change to have a politician who talks about sex openly instead of politicians who marry their sisters, or have student girlfriends, mistresses, etc…who knows, I might just run for office anyway…
• Celibacy? Ei, my brother. Charle, I am simply not interested. I am convinced of the value of celibacy for some people especially those with strong religious convictions but it’s not for me. It will be like going on a diet; I will suddenly become ravenous and crave all manner of strange food. Who knows, maybe in the future I will change my mind. I reserve the right to become a nun in the future.
• A “normal” unprejudiced life? Me? Moi? Normal? Never that, it will be so boring. Anyway I know by putting “normal” in quotes you were implying that there is no such thing as normal so I won’t belabour the point
• Assure him I am not “easy”? I don’t want to assure anyone that I am not “easy”. Does a man ever think of assuring a woman that he is not “easy”? Puh-leeze. If I am with you and we both decide that we are going to have a monogamous, committed relationship then that will be it as far as I am concerned. Plus, I don’t think one can ever assure men enough. Sometimes they just have too many issues. Let me tell you a secret. The first guy i ever slept with, at some point in time he was questioning if he had been my first. This was after many years had gone past. He thought in hindsight I had been too experienced and “too good” whatever that meant. He completely forgot about the discomfort I went through when we first did “it”. Just because I had thoroughly researched sex before consciously deciding I was ready to have sex and had really taken to heart all those sex tips from Cosmo on “How to please a man”. Harrumph, I will be as easy or as hard as I want to be.

Phew, this almost ended up being “So long a letter”. I really appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback. I know it comes from a good place. I appreciate it. As usual, I just want to be frank with my thoughts and feelings. That’s part of the reason for being such “amazing and unforgettable” company.

Much Love,
Nana