A couple of things that have been on my mind/been discussing with friends:
* Is it inevitable that Ghanaian men will cheat when in a relationship?
* Are women cheating in response to cheating partners?
* Should we start dating women instead of men?
* Why is it that the guys you fancy do not fancy you, and the ones who fancy you, you don’t fancy?
What are your thoughts?
19 comments On Cheaters, Dating Girls and Men Who You Don’t Fancy
1. I think so many Ghanaian men cheat because women make allowances for them. How many times have you heard “men will be men” or something of that ilk? If we keep letting these loser men get away with it, they will continue to do it. Furthermore, I don’t believe that ALL Ghanaian men will cheat. That’s another statement that allows them to get away with it..
2. Of the few women I know who have cheated in their relationships, it wasn’t because of revenge but rather they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. Why choose between the old, rich guy or your struggling, college sweetheart when you can have both?
3. I have no desire to date a woman but from the same-sex relationships I’ve observed, they cheat too! I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship dramas we see in heterosexual relationships hit homosexual ones too.
4. Sod’s Law! We always want what we can’t have….
I do know a few (3) Ghanaian men who I truly believe have not, and probably will not cheat on their wives. All the others, I’m not so sure…
There are some good Ghanaian men out there…by good, I mean men who will resist the temptation to cheat. It might be helpful for Ghanaian women to stop assuming that their men will cheat on them. Maybe if we stop taking that for granted, it won’t happen. It’s like telling men that 1) it’s natural and 2) they don’t trust them. Makes it more likely that it will happen…
No we shouldn’t start dating women rather than men if it isn’t our preference. I doubt that will change anything. Like Sankofa said, same-sex relationships are just as drama-filled.
Interesting questions. Okay, looks like I will be agreeing with many of the points made but anyway:
1. Women and society in general make it socially acceptable for men to cheat.
a. Man cheats = “men will be men” /”man proving that he is a man”
b. Women cheats “What an abomination”/ “What a whore”
2. I think women cheat because they feel something is lacking in their relationship. Perhaps some women cheat in some sort of passive aggressive response to a cheating partner?? Have never thought about that.
3. Women dating women; not sure that will work if you are not that way inclined. Plus, I know of at least one mega crazy drama-filled relationship between two women.
4. Ah yes, the story of my life! Perhaps we should examine what we get and maybe it is not as bad as we think?
I don’t think all Ghanaian men will inevitably cheat. Thats rather too simplistic a thought.
I think if women cheat they do so for their own reasons. Revenge may or may not be one of them.
Hmmm, dating women… But what if I’m not attracted to women. You shouldn’t be gay out of convenience, should you?
As for this last point, all I can say about it is that, the world sucks…real bad!;-)
1. A yes to your question number one will scare me. I am a Ghanaian man. I am married to the love of my life. I have lots of female friends and I enjoy hanging out with them sometimes. I have no intention to cheat. My wife and I dated for seven years and we’ve been married for 5 years this December. I am just realizing according to your question, that no matter how hard I try, my nationality takes away from me the basic human ability to choose. I cannot choose fidelity. I cannot choose to love one woman. Even dogs choose who they mate with but not me?
2. A person cheats because they want to cheat. Everything else is an excuse. Ghanaian women have been cheating, like all women and men in the world, for centuries. Why do you think the Akans became matrilineal? Because fatherhood isn’t a certainty but motherhood is.
3. A group of women in a Grecian island called Lesbos tried that a while back. Apparently, it didn’t work for everyone and the poet Sapphos, who wrote a lot of poems about her love for women, actually committed suicide over a man. But hey that was the 7th Century BC.
4. Because life is not fair.
1. Hell NO the brothers are not to blame, in the past dogs were chasing bones but in todays climate bones seem to be going for the dogs big time, hope you get my drift. Lets give the brothers some credit.
2.Women cheat because they want to, in some cases the rules of engagement are not established in the beginning so unhappy wifey gets out there to get “some” else where be it “pum pum” or “dollas”.
3.Woman dating Woman in GH? Wow that will be something, we might as well kiss goodbye to national unity. Ones you try a brother you’ll never go back. Swing all you want but a brother is where is at.
4.I also ask the question why? Is it because you bite more than you can chew? Well my advice is choose wisely. There is somebody out there for everybody so happy hunting!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Men will cheat when consequences for cheating are out-weighed by the man’s immediate desires. My answer to the question is: Dont give him the reason to validate straying from you. If you do, he will.
I don’t think women let men get away with cheating without reason. Women are intelligent and they always know when their man is cheating. Most of the time, when you see a woman leave that can of worms alone it is because she is waiting for him to run out of wild oats or she doesnt want to deal with the man’s demands on her if he were to quit cheating.
2. Women are cheating because their men are neglecting them. (what’s good for the goose is good for the goosard)
I HATE the assumption that men (Ghanaian, or otherwise) must inevitably cheat. I refuse to believe it and the more people say it, the more boys grow up to be men and believe it is in their DNA. It is not.
I don’t think women cheat for reasons that differ that much from men, it’s just the consequences seem to be worse for the women in question.
I see a lot of Lesbian drama at work and quite a few women who have swung the other way to avoid heterosexual drama. People need to realise relationship drama does not have a sexual preference!
And finally, I periodically ask myself the last point. If I knew the answer I’d be rich…and happy!
No, not inevitable. I don’t cheat when i’m in a ‘relationship,’ but when i’m not, i have no limit on the number of sexual partners i choose to have. when i’m not in a relationship, sex has a different meaning and motivation. i think the idea of unbridled guilt-free sexual pleasure from multiple liaisons is a much more difficult thing to attain than i originally believed it would be. meaning that i find relationship sex more rewarding, but the compatibility issues make settling into that more dicey. In investment terms, relationships seem to be riskier and also more rewarding.
i assume that women are free independent-minded beings and do whatever they do out of that state of consciousness.
should women date other women? on the face of it, most women seem to prefer dating men. should they switch preferences? yeah, it would be instructive… :p
i don’t fancy guys (ok, i’m a guy, kofi is not a nom de plume). we have idealized images of what would make us complete and fulfilled. the smart people on the other side of our idealized images realize that they can’t live up to these idealized images, and turn us down, the not-so-discerning ones get divorced. 🙂
1. I had a close shave two weeks ago when I was in a three-day conference at a hotel. An old lady friend who works there had not seen me in a while, and we got to talking. There was and clearly is an attraction between us, but when it came down to the wire and we were discussing our lives, I had to tell her that I was with someone. She was disappointed, but she seems okay that we are friends. Cheating is a choice. I could have hid the fact that I have a girlfriend and had a romp with her. The heat was too much between us! But I chose not to. Thankfully, she is a good girl, too!!
2. it is difficult to say and I am too lazy this side of the afternoon to cogitate over why women cheat. Is it congenital? Again, women cheat out of choices. There are many women going through bad marriages who would not consider cheating. What makes them special? Their CHOICE not to cheat and the latent love for their partner. Did I say it is about choice?
3. we should just all have heterosexual relationships so that we can continue to make the planet explode. Given the way humankind likes to get their groove on, the planet might not be able to accommodate. Seriously, I am a Christian, and I believe in heterosexual relationships. Same sex exist because society has taken liberalism to the deep end. I do not hate same-sex couples as they are children of God, but I would far from encourage it. Hell no!
4. am I a mind-reader? a-den??
EK, give your girlfriend Hi-5! for me. I dig that she’s made herself worth a lot to you.
(I give you 49% of the credit for not sucumbing)
@Sankofa – I so agree with you about men cheating because women makes excuses for them. True! (at least in my opinion)
@Holli – Awww, 3…oh charle, that is so serious…hmm, I suspect I can also count on one hand the number of faithful Ghanaian men I know
@Kwegyirba – Hahaha, one definitely shouldn’t be gay out of convenience…saying that I do know at least two women that have considered having relationships with women because they’re fed up with men…but like a lot of people are saying lesbian relationships also have their own drama
@Nana Kofi – See my response to Holli above, you are one of those men I can count on one hand 🙂
@Kosy – Why do you think I am biting more than I can chew. I am not biting at all 🙂
@Mike – Do women really give men an excuse to cheat? Isn’t that just another excuse by men?
@Nsoromma – It is definitely not in their DNA but in their socialisation
@Kofi – Howdy? Really interesting comment on idealized images…not getting the point about the not so discerning ones getting divorced. Say more please?
@EK – I take it that you haven’t introduced your girlfriend to this blog 🙂 Hmm, conferences and its infinite possibilities for naughtiness. Maybe a post on the subject is needed
@Mike- Lol, to whom do you give 51% of the credit
I think it is inevitable for most Ghanaian men to cheat! It seems to be a requirement for them to prove their manhood or something. I have seen two generations of my masculine relatives cheat and I’m sadden by the acceptance of the women to this. Why as women should we think it is okay for a man to stray? Ask any Ghanaian woman it is normal for them and that is sad
Yes, I believe they do. Same applies to women that cheat too. The men give them reason to do so. It’s really not just another excuse.
Lets say you have a kid and he goes to the neighbor’s to play very often. You find out he is out there mooching chocolate off them all the time.
How will you get him to quit that? Give him as much chocolate the way he likes it at home. That is what I’d do.
Men have a lower threshold for excitement than women do. Meaning it doesn’t take much for a man to get excited & ready to chop bad. All he needs is to see something he likes. Women require a little more stimulation than just the visual. [That is one reason men sleep around at the drop of a dime and women typically don’t. I used “sleep around” instead of cheat bcos that definition varies for guys & gals.]
EK’s lady gets that 51% credit bcos she had proven to him that her chocolate supply never runs out, and he remembered despite the heat at that conference. She run tings!!
Nana D, the not-so-discerning ones accept our view of their idealized image. My theory is supported by numerous studies, including that from the South Hamptons Institute of Theosophy! :p
i think, you can avoid cheating if you want to. you know these days many women are cheating as a pay back time for the men. the rate at which women are cheating outnumbers the number of men who cheat. why cheat on your partner if you don’t love him anymore? just call it quits and move on to a more exciting relationship. for me, i will not cheat if i get tired of you, i will call it quits. i think the case is a bit different if you are married, but then again, it shouldn’t be because, we are in our society brought up to believe its not good to divorce, so u find the women unhappy in the relationship but left with no alternative but to cheat. who said its wrong to divorce, if the fire in the relationship has gone down, and you can’t let come high, just walk out out of the relationship and try to fall in love again, i tell you buddies, it will help reduce cheating.
I must add that looking at the first question again, I can’t help noticing the hypocrisy of it (no hard feelings here Nana).
What I want to say is considering that 90 something % of all Ghanaian males are heterosexual, it is obvious that every man who cheats, has a woman as a partner in crime. The main difference is that where as Ghanaian women are excellent at keeping it hush-hush, Ghanaian men are just the opposite.
WOW, anybody who thinks Ghanaian men are worse than Ghanaian women doesn’t live in this country, doesn’t know our history, doesn’t socialize well enough, and isn’t naughty enough.
Let’s do a simple math here. One Ghanaian man has had sex (cheated) with 20 women. That is twenty women having sex. Don’t tell me none of these twenty women has a boyfriend, husband or is considered a virgin by some ignoramus.
I must fully agree with hotbabe that more Ghanaian women are cheating or having sex than Ghanaian men but they keep it hush hush.
Think about it, Nana K, there’s no concept of cheating as being out of bounds in Ghana. De facto, for sure. No one really truly expects anything like fidelity, man or woman. Goes against the grain of our culture. Your logic is right, but the motivation ain’t. We’re like what the Japanese are reputed to be like. As one woman reputedly said, ‘etwee die y’en fa embo etrimodin!’