Guest Contributor Everygirl On Being “That Girl”

You know you’ve all said it, over drinks with the girls or in your head with a self-righteous sneer and sidelong glance at the offending tramp… “As for that girl!” You know who I’m talking about, that girl, the one sucking face with an almost-stranger on the dancefloor; the one who cheats on her sweet boyfriend; the one who kisses girls when she’s drunk (and sober); the one who slept with a married man; the one who had a threesome; the one whose friends call “a freak” and non-friends, “a slut”.

“Slut”. A word so imbued with near-corporeal potency, it might as well be a slap in the face. “Slut”. Sure, it’s plosive, harsh, offensive to most… but now say it slowly. “Slut”, let it flirt with your tongue, taste it, let the sibilance seduce you. See where I’m going with this? (No, not there, get your minds out of the gutter!) Let me risk stating the obvious: a word is just that until it is articulated, and in that moment it becomes inextricably linked to a larger framework of context and intent from which its meaning is derived. This same quasi-structural argument is applicable to the very actions that constitute “sluttiness”: they are just that, actions, until considered within whatever social conceits are imposed upon them. (Of course there is the fact that actions, unlike words, are by nature already bound up with consequence and cannot simply be broken up into sign and signified, shell and meaning – see sexual acts and power/pleasure, but I digress).

The title of this piece might suggest that it is an “everygirl is a slut so don’t judge” defense, but that would be too easy, not to mention inaccurate. Nor is it an invitation to “come take a walk in our shoes” for I cannot purport to know all of the reasons why we act the way we do, and quite honestly, stilettos aren’t that comfortable! I would have liked for it to be an exhortation for women everywhere to cast off all inhibition, and to fully embrace a sexuality that can be called liberated in every sense of the word; to not feel shame or guilt for the fulfillment of fleshly appetites; to fervently engage lust, sensuality and the primal reality at the crux of human desire. But alas, to say all those things would be to ignore those social constructs that are our current reality. They are the ones that create the divide between bad and bad, nasty and nasty, slut and, as I like to say in bed sometimes, slut. I’m talking about religion, spirituality (for you non-religious folks), marriage, etc. but ultimately about the sometimes unfortunate attitudes towards sex that are borne of them. If actions could be abstracted, that girl would be everygirl. It is also tempting at this point in this discussion of twos, to rail against the painfully obvious double standard that exists regarding gender in slutdom (lol), that culture that thumps the “man-whore” on the back and regards the “whore” with disdain – but that’s a topic for another day.

What then is the point of this rant, you ask? Well, if I knew I would tell you, but do think about some of the things I’ve said. What are your attitudes towards sexual behavior? Where did they come from and how have they evolved, if at all? When last were you “that girl”?

7 comments On Guest Contributor Everygirl On Being “That Girl”

  • Slut is the first word the guilty conformist learns at puberty.

    Love slutty women, they are more fun.

  • Well lets be honest, guys usually call any promiscious girl thats not given it up to us a slut. Any guy will hook up with an average looking “slut” if they can get away with it.. Girls on the other hand call girls that they are jealous of or do not like sluts. An example is Angelina Jolie, she is characterised as a slut by both sexes. However, every guy I know will “suck a fart out of her ass” and the girls will like to walk in her shoes for day. Excuse my explicit language:)

  • Ermmm, I have been that girl too many times to throw stones. Thanks ‘Everygirl’ for your contribution

  • like my friend says, you slut-shame, “when you know the other person is getting more loving action than you” . lol. jealousy?

  • @ kofi – agreed re “slutty” women, i quite favor them myself 😉

    @ nana – it’s interesting how people use the word and what our motivations are. like different cultural, racial and sexual orientation groups have done, perhaps it’s time for sluts the world over to appropriate an otherwise derogatory term (a la the ‘n’ word) – to ‘own it’, if you will

    @ nana darkoa – you’re very welcome 🙂

    @ ginger – lol @ slut-shame, he/she might have a point though. like a friend of mine says, “true whores are rare […] [most of us] are just trying to scratch an itch”

  • Good piece

    Let them say whatever they want in the end those pious ones find they were judging themselves more than anyone else.

    Every woman has the slut in her… Everyone

  • Slut – a sexually promiscuous woman. Therefore if one is promiscuous then the word slut can be foreseen. Now I definitely agree that society generally has a double standard and that happens to be unfortunate.
    However in defense of sluts, I don’t think a slut is necessarily easy which is a common misconception. I know a few women with voracious sex appetites and lest you have it together, you have no chance. As a matter of fact, the men they bed think they “conned” these women which is almost always quite the opposite.
    As far as I am concerned, i do not have a problem with a woman who respects herself and her vagina is circumspect about who has access, be it one or a hundred men/women. Respectable women are allowed to enjoy their myriad of men as well and if you are a woman who is taking care of hers, respectably….don’t let the haters stop you.

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