Yesterday my girlfriend and I were walking past ‘The Pink Pussycat” in the Village (New York) when she asked if I wanted to pop in:
“Sure, I’m supposed to do a review of a sex shop in every city I visit, and I’m yet to write up my review of Babeland from my last trip to NYC”
So in we went, and soon got engaged in conversation with the very knowledgeable sales woman on female ejaculation and the best vibrators for stimulating your g spot. I soon remembered that one of my friends had asked me to buy her the Kama Sutra on CD (which I had been unsuccessful at finding) so asked Raven (the saleswoman) for a recommendation on some instructional DVDs. She recommended two that I ended up buying (I’m such an easy person to sell to!):
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Simultaneous Orgasms
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Female Ejaculation
I reckon the first would be a suitable gift for my friend who wanted the Kama Sutra and the second? Well I’m curious innit ?
Later on that evening my friend and I decided to preview Nina Hartley’s Guide to Simultaneous Orgasms. So how do you achieve simultaneous orgasm with your partner? The central point appears to be that one party (the party that reaches orgasm faster – in most cases the man) needs to slow down (or somehow control his orgasm) to enable his (her) partner get closer to climax so they can ‘come’ simultaneously. In many ways simultaneous orgasm seems to be the holy grail of sex that I for one have never achieved. Normally I’m happy enough to ‘come’ first and then my partner…what are your experiences? Do you prefer to come first? Do you prefer for your partner to come first? I suspect that in most heterosexual relationships women would prefer to come first but in lesbian relationships it doesn’t matter who comes first? Am I wrong?
I liked many aspects of Nina’s Guide. I liked that it was instructive and not pornographic – at least it didn’t strike me as pornographic so I was able to watch the video with a platonic friend and discuss dispassionately the merits and demerits of threesomes, using vibes during intercourse and how real the sex appeared. One of the couples in the video for example was a ‘real life’ couple, you could tell from the flushes and changes in skin colour of the couples that the orgasms were real and not faked.
We wondered why Raven hadn’t given us any ‘Black’ instructional videos but came to the sad conclusion that there probably weren’t any quality Black instructional videos (at least stocked by them) and discussed how disappointing the black porn we had seen were. Is anyone aware of any good quality black porn? Is the idea of good porn a contradiction in terms? What are your thoughts on porn?
13 comments On Pink Pussycats, Simultaneous Orgasms and Female Ejaculation
I’m a heterosexual male and I DRASTICALLY prefer to have my partner come first and then finish. Hetero ,ales that always just look to come and then not care about the woman they’re with don’t make sense to me…although I will admit that there are plenty of times that sex is really just about getting off–as I suspect it is for everyone occasionally.
I do watch instructional video because something about porn just demeans the whole act. And I have also wondered too there are no quality Black instructional videos. Can you believe one instructional I read said you’d have to keep working on delaying the guy’s orgasm for a whole month with no intercourse??!! I am fortunate to have had simultaneous orgasm a few times though we did not work at it. It’s great, yes but not worth putting off sex for a whole month to achieve. And what if after all that restrain, it doesn’t work? Girl, I’d go for a good shag anytime!!! That aside, I’d rather ‘come’ first ‘cos when the guys do, they are usually not in a position to see to your needs.
apparently what the world needs is a good cum-meter for women, that way guys can gauge when the deed is done. women come in so many different ways, it’s hard for most guys, me included to tell when they’ve come. give us some help here, sisters!
The concept of “good porn” certainly isn’t a contradiction. One might define good porn to be the type that turns both you and your partner on, meaning it is erotic, while at the same time providing you with a realistic and safe depiction of sexual acts from which you can learn and improve your own sex lives.
Porn which makes one of your uncomfortable or depicts one or more of its participants in a demeaning manner might not be good porn for you. Then again it might still constitute “good porn” for someone out there. Different strokes for different folks!
@Nana – It’s true that my site has a content problem. However I’m hoping that some of the like-minded individuals here like yourself and your members could visit us from time to time and give us a hand (and vice versa of course). A kind of cross-pollination of members and content if you will.
@Jeffrey – 🙂 I like your approach
@Worlase – Yep, I couldn’t agree with you more. I think women in hetero relationships need to ensure they get theirs first. I wonder if any hetero women have had a positive experience where they guy came first AND made sure they came after.
@Kofi – You want help figuring out when a woman has actually come? As opposed to faking it i presume? Sounds like a subject for a whole other post 🙂
@Omanba Forum – I like your definition of good porn. Will stop by the forum again…
I have never had a simultaneous orgasm either but I can imagine that it would be explosive, my own rapture coupled with the intense pleasure I derive from watching/hearing/feeling my partner get off, mmm… Holy grail indeed! With guys I prefer to come first (I’m a girl) and then have them follow suit since we all know that (through no fault of theirs), men become practically comatose after sex. It also takes me a while to climax so I’d rather they were alert and at attention (pun intended) rather than risk them falling asleep on the job (yes, this has happened to me). When I’m with a woman I prefer for her to come first because it’s a HUGE turn-on for me and gets me even more aroused for my own ‘happy ending’ later. The dearth of ‘high quality’ black porn (speak less of instructional videos), even on the internet where you can find anything, is disappointing. In my own experience however, I don’t think the race of the performers matters much to my enjoyment of their craft. There is indeed such a thing as good porn; for me it is explicit but not repulsive, uninhibited but not perverted (I use that term carefully), and ultimately, as realistic as possible.
@kofi – you could always ask but personally, I find that question – “did you come”, usually asked eagerly, bright-eyed, or worse smugly – quite annoying, especially when I didn’t!
speaking of porn, i came across this entertaining article yesterday on men, women, porn and the awkwardness that can ensue when couples decide to watch it together… enjoy!
@Shane – Aren’t we letting men off the hook if we say ‘its no fault of theirs’ that they become comatose after sex? I know there are some biological reasons that men want to sleep after sex BUT surely they can socialise themselves to stay up and canoodle for a little while/make sure you come if you didn’t come the first time round. I like your definition of good porn.
@Shane – Oooooohhhh, very interesting article. Now i want to write my own response to his piece but nowadays time to write is tight oooo. We’ll see…
hmmm, interesting persecptive, however as much as simuntaneous orgasms are the tishhh of the whole copulating business, as a hetrosexual males, there nothing more satisfying when u are the main puppeteer giving her mutliple orgasms , as you work your business…business with pleasure
however this guide reminds me of another one i watched with a bunch of friends, a girl guide to 21st century sex, a very throuogh explanation into the female sexual pysche, but then as a guy ,personally it should be a priority…let the girl orgasm first..it aint easy but its achallenge….always makes sure she get satisfied first….afterall all men want repeat businesses with repeat performances
interesting piece anyway, very liberal.
@Kwaku – I actually have a collection of the ‘Girls Guide to 21st Century Sex’ and yes I agree that its very sex-educational. Are you really able to give your partner multiple orgasms? That’s quite a feat
hahaha Nana, yes i have had ma days….gentlemen are not supoosed to kiss and tell….it varied with woman to woman , everyone has some kind of trigger point….some you figure out, some takes u by surprise…..
either way…i enjoy the experience…whether its the little shockers taht build into one orgasm, whether orgasm togather….or one a good day…mutliples…..its all about the appreciation of feminine beauty….women rock! lol…
Sorry, i know i am late but felt i had to contribute. I prefer cumming before the hubby, but there are times that we’ve cum simultaneously (esp. when we are using our vibes}. We also do watch the instructional videos, especially Nina Hartley’s guides. And hubby does occasionally give me multiples…….
Nana–Another interesting article. I have not been to the Village in years, but they used to host a number sex shops/porn theaters. My wife and I try to cum at the same time. Sometimes it works and some times it does not. When it does not, I want her to cum first (ladies first). We try to adjust by slowing done or going faster depending upon who is about to cum first. When it came to watching porn in the beginning, we started with Black women/White men, for obvious reasons. Then we shifted to our own, homemade porn. It is good to watch those together, as we talk about what each of us enjoyed the most or least. This has become our version of “self-help instructional porn”.