[The last time I uploaded this post we realised belatedly that the twi characters had been miraculously transformed into gobbleygook. This time I am attached the document as a pdf. Its another wonderful post by Ms VV so totally worth downloading. Enjoy. Nana D]
Okay, so I like communication during sex. I consider talking and being talked back to in bed an important component of the whole deal. My most recent ex wasn’t Ghanaian and all the people I dated before him who were didn’t speak any local languages with me. As a result, all of the bedroom exchanges I had participated in, over the course of my sex-having life, were conducted in English. And so I guess, in my head, this became the default. I never thought about talking dirty and local Ghanaian languages in the same sentence.
Until I overheard a female relative of mine gossiping one day that her college boyfriend used to say…
Continue reading “Fucking Ghana Into Me“
16 comments On Guest Contributor Voluptous Voltarian: Fucking Ghana into me
another great read. wo nkomo ye me de paaaaaa!
VV, akpe kakaka! Boy, have I got some learning to do.
Well, written.
Republic Vs. VV
Charge: Running Sex Lives Of Boring Guys
Details: On 3 Sept. 2012, you, VV, did author a piece of erotic writing of such specific detail and wit that you caused envy and discontent in the masses of Boring Guys’ paramours, leading to such paramours refusing to partake of Boring Guys’ sexual favors, causing great discontent in the land and an increase in Boring Guys’ blood pressue. All of this in Contravention of Section 8 of the No Boring Guy No Cry Act.
How plead you?
Know ye therefore that a Guilty plea may result in your being sentenced to a period of amatory quietude.
@Kofi: I plead the 5th. And I rebuke the amatory quietude in the mighty name of all that is holy and sacred. Lol. But Kofi, I have a question: If all I am doing is writing about the things that are done to/with me should the Boring Guys discontent not lie with the man who is doing these things and making them look boring in comparison? Shouldn’t my boyfriend be the one facing the lawsuit? Cos me I’m just the testifier, oh. Maybe your charge should read:
“Republic Vs. the man rocking VV’s world
Charge: Betraying your Gender by Engaging in Unsanctioned Acts of Lovemaking
Details: From a period of 17th March 2011 till date, you, an Unnamed Defendant who goes only by the moniker “The man rocking VV’s world” committed acts and engaged in debauchery which resulted in the innocent victim VV being forced to relay stories of your machinations to a select community of the general public out of a sheer inability to hold it all inside her. On 3 Sept. 2012, you, Unnamed Defendant, caused the innocent maiden VV, to author a piece of writing which she hopes her parents and employers will never come across. This testimony of your linguistic and sexual indoctrination of the innocent maiden VV has caused envy and discontent in the masses of Boring Guys’ paramours, leading to such paramours refusing to partake of Boring Guys’ sexual favors, causing great discontent in the land and an increase in Boring Guys’ blood pressue. All of this in Contravention of Section 8 of the No Boring Guy No Cry Act.
How plead you?
Know ye therefore that a Guilty plea may result in your being sentenced to a period of amatory quietude.”
Wouldn’t that be more fair? Then he can come on here himself and face the jury.
Hahahaah.Love this comment VV. @Kofi A you’re right, we do need a ‘like’ button 🙂
Not so fast, VV, you cunningly, linguistically adept sophist. See Section 8.2.1.
“Anyone who wittingly or unwittingly falls prey to acts of wanton debauchery, producing, avoidably or unavoidably, voluntarily or involuntarily, paeans of praise to such acts of wanton debauchery shall be deemed culpable in same degree as perpetrator of said wanton debauhcery, and shall face additional fine for, as it were, rubbing Boring Guys’ noses in it.”
So, VV… asem yi di e ye asem paa ma wu!
🙂
@Nana, you could name the LIke button after the person who first suggested it. I think that would be just recompense… 😀
VV, Nana and all,
I am going on strike from this website ! I will be back when I have felt the sweet embrace of warm and wet vulva. Goddammit, I can’t bear the pain of your exciting bedroom shenanigans anymore! Mu ma mi bre dodo 🙂
@Babyjet – Oh, oh, oh. I beg don’t abandon us o. Why don’t you write a post about ermmm, a lack of exciting bedroom shenanigans 😛
@babyjet….i feel your pain. so i’m having fantastic sex till VV comes along and flaunts her goddamned WICKEDLY NAUGHTY sessions in my face! my rose garden suddenly looks bleak and full of thorns….and really Kofi Ametewee, when are heads going to start rolling for this hideous but oh so tantalizing crime?
Hey VV,
I am doing a collection of short stories which will also include a novella. I was wondering. could I borrow some of these phrases in the original twi please? And could you help with more when/if I need them? Don’t worry, I will acknowledge!
ASEM BEN NI!!!!!!!! Ebei!
My friend you are BLESSED, gifted and talented! My friend messaged me at stupid-o’clock last night to tell me about this post. And we are now spending precious work time trying to concoct ways of getting our other halves on the same page as your boy. (We wanted to be subtle, but forget that, I’m sending him the link!)
I’ve always been a fan of dirty talk, after a great session with a 9ja ex where his penis was his gun, which lead to all sorts of drama, role play and missed lectures.
I once tried a foray into twi sex talk and again it was really enjoyable, but that was a while ago. Afei, you are throwing this missing link in my face! Aoooo VV, wu be ko yen-ooo!!!!
Sooo…..if I get on a flight to Ghana in an hour. Will that be enough time for Nana to secure this manner of man for me?
@Chidi – Ha! Please note not that I am not the one with this man 🙂 That’s VV…
@Nana—stories for someone who cares -which is not me. It’s your blog. You can’t claim not to know where these men are. Plus they/he doesn’t even have to have ‘complete’ sex with me as I’m a technical virgin. Surely you can find such a man :p
I’m too “excited”! I wonder how being fucked in Ewe will be like?
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