How Do You Feel About Violence in the Bedroom?

Nana Darkoa Photography by Yinka


I was trawling through the entertainment pages of a Ghanaian online news source and saw an interesting headline.

I love when a woman slaps me – Captain Planet

Ei. Why?

I read on.

Not to be confused with the green haired, silver skinned humanoid being who traversed the earth in the late 80’s and early 90’s, this Captain Planet is a rapper in the group 4×4. He said he loves when a woman slaps him because it is “nice and sexy”, and that a woman will pamper you afterwards, presumably out of guilt. He cited a recent example of his wife slapping him because he was paying more attention to his cell phone than to her, and struck his face in chastisement.

And it excited him.

There’s not much on the subject after that, and I wish the online reporter had given some further details written on the interview. They were on a flight when she slapped him, but when they landed did they descend into hot passionate lovemaking? Did they find the nearest airport toilet and get in a quickie? Did he return the favor and slap her back?

Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but if a dude – even one that I am intimately involved with – casually and intentionally slapped me because I was other engaged in some other enterprise, there will be no sex right afterward… or any time soon after that as a matter of fact. That’s not to say I don’t like to be hit in bed.

I have recently discovered that I really do enjoy having my ass spanked during the throes of intercourse. Something about that pleasure and pain combination just heightens the experience for me. When I initially read Captain Planet’s remarks, I judged him harshly. I mean, how can a blow to the face possibly lead to intimacy? Now that I’ve made my confession, you may also wonder how a knock to one’s ass cheeks increase arousal. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. (Every pun intended.)

I did a quick search on the net about the topic of men being hit while in bed and found nothing. There were however quite a few threads about the subject of WOMEN being slapped, punched or strangled during sex. There is even something called a “Strawberry Shortcake” maneuver, during which a woman is punched in the mouth after she’s performed fellatio. The goal is to hit her so hard that her mouth bleeds, and thus when mixed with cum creates a ‘strawberry shortcake’.

Ewww, I know. I dare a man to try it and see if I don’t also do a Groundnut Cake maneuver! He will see sense!

But is this some secret fantasy that men harbor and don’t tell us? Do they secretly like to be made to feel like little boys by the women they love and/or love to make love to? I have an inquiring mind and really want to know!

So Adventurers,  how do you feel about violence in bed, in any degree? Would you consent to it if your partner said it would turn him/her on, or is it completely out of the question?


29 comments On How Do You Feel About Violence in the Bedroom?

  • Okay, violence in the bedroom. Maybe am over thinking the action but sister mi, when dudes start wanting to punch, slap, it is time for me to run. I just cannot get my thoughts around all that aggression. Then these our Nigerian brothers, abeg, which one will you ask to handcuff you to the bed without the bobo locking you in the room for the next three months and holding you hostage. My imagination has gone wild here o!

    That is so risky. Do they understand the safe words to use and the trust factor.

    Abeg, let’s just get on with pure animal sex. At least we know what we are doing. No confusion.


    • Ohhh gosh!! LMAO! You see the dilemma? I agree. We should just do the regular “thing” and stay out of these uncharted waters.

      Now, oddly enough, I was just watching Key & Peele and in this episode Michelle Obama’s translator slapped Barack’s translator and the two immediately began to grope and kiss each other viciously. When does this EVER happen in real life??

      No confusion.

  • The strawberry shortcake thing is just misogynistic in my opinion.

    I can get down with a lil light arse smacking but really nothing more than the lightest of smacks

    I’m all about the pleasure, and not really into pain, but I recognise that for some people pain balances the pleasure.

    Would love to know the thoughts of others

  • As a man, I do like a little violence in the bedroom but that’s where it stays. Here me out: I had a girlfriend who would slap me across the face when riding me and it turned me on. Now, she enjoyed being roughed up and its not good sex if she didn’t have bruises on her body with her hair totally messed up after the fact. In essence, the smack gave me the encouragement to be as aggressive as possible. However, Any violence outside of the bedroom is a total turn off for me. In reference to captain planet, I think what he was eluding to was that the smack showed him that his girl was really into him…..

  • ugggh!the strawberry shortcake thing is sickening! maybe it’s a secret fantasy some men have who knows? i once watched an oprah show in which she interviewed the owner of a sex/ lingerie shop patronized by a lot of middle-eastern muslim women & guess the most purchased item? a bejewelled whip! Apparently, the women were buying these & using them on their hubbies who loved it! Who’d have thought considering how most people assume that middle eastern men love to dominate & stuff. So people get pleasure in different ways.

    • So I’ve been with two men from northern nigeria and both of them would always request for their nipples to be pinched hard while they were riding me. Weird request but I always obliged. It’s the closest I’ve come to violence in the bedroom. And no, I like it soft and gentle all the way. If I wanted violence, I’d be a boxer or something.

  • Pinch my nipples, hard! That’s the only violence this man needs.

  • Aah . I just broke up with a guy who likes to be hit in bed.he said he wanted me to ‘dominate him and humiliate him a little in the bedroom. But NOT IN PUBLIC!!! ‘ When we first started dating he told me..” this is the kind of thing i like. Would you like to try? It could be fun. Think about it. If not ? I assure you I’ll be fine with regular sex.” this is me.:” uuum ..errm . Hmmm. Wow. Do u have some videos i could watch?’ and i saw videos.and i read about it. And i tried it. He would like me to slap him. Repeatedly . He cried one time. And i felt so bad. But he assured me it was the best of compliments. There were other weird stuff. But maybe someothertime.Well.i found a little of it turned ne on. But too much of it made me feel a little uncomfortable. We had a very nasty break up after about three months. 🙂

    • Exactly, people that engage in such behaviors are sexually incompetent and can’t fulfill their peak orgasm without another stimulation (pain). To date someone with such needs would become exhausting and boring in the long-run because they become too predictable in bed. Plus, I don’t want a man/woman-beater in bed and a gentleman/lady in the street. I am skeptical of a person who can cross fine lines.

  • He was a strong Nigeria man. Lol.

  • @Nana
    Oh Sisi. But you know how it is when we all get together as women.
    “Gurrl, he bought me flowers!”
    “Girl, he ate me like I was his last meal!”
    “Gurrrl, he choked me and hit it doggy style till I almost passed out.”
    Record scratch.

    This is where acceptance comes in!

  • The pleasure of pain can be a sexual stimulation for some people, since the brain is the greatest erogenous zone. During intimacy anything goes as long as there is respect and mutual pleasure. Slapping a man during sex is not uncommon and more power to those men that like to be bitch slapped. Now, on the other hand being sucker punched during sex is by no mean of the imagination, pleasurable. Unless you have psychological underlining issues and like to be abused. So, it will just take one punch for the sex scene to become a homicide scene.

    I personally don’t meddle in people’s intimate practices and feel that there are lines that we draw according to our likes and dislikes. However, there are some inflicted pains that are quite sexually arousing. So, I wouldn’t call it violence unless you personally felt humiliated or hurt by it. Be careful when you meet someone who has aggressive bedroom habits they just might have psych issues or past flash backs. I prefer sensual good old loving.

  • Ass smacking? Yes. Strawberry short cake? Yuk to the point of throwing up. I don’t get it but then some people like real violence.
    Lol @Naija guy. What happens behind closed doors stays there.

  • Nna biko, let me just walk on by. That Strawberry Shortcake ish…you SEE how you could find nothing on MEN being hit? That’s all I’m saying.

    Misogynistic oshis.

  • See definitions for ‘Strawberry Shortcake’. Now look at the examples and see how neither is used with a woman you like, respect, love or trust. It’s all bitches and hos and shit.

  • I AM violent in bed. Scratches, bites, smacks. If I were to be swabbed under my finger nails by CSI guys, human DNA would be found, no doubt. If you ever meet a guy who looks like he had been attacked by a wild cat, he was probably with me *looks down shyly*. I prefer being the only aggressor. I guess I’m a sadist. I need a masochist; that strong Naija man!
    And the strawberry shortcake thing made me barf a little.

  • ok i ewwwwed at the strawberry shortcake. but that’s just me. i enjoy ass spanking in bed as well and i know some women who don’t understand it, so it really is diff strokes.. i also know of men who like being spanked ad scratched..

  • PS,
    Malaka i just got my copy of Daughters of Swallows(late i know :p). now my next goal is how to get it autographed… that’s gonna b a toughy.

  • 🙁 i was just so excited to find it on amazon. hey i could give the one i just got out as a gift and order an autographed copy from you!! makes sense right? lol

  • I jus found ur blog and am reading up on the stories… I thought to comment
    I personally cannot enjoy regular sex I have decided to abstain from sex bcuz am yet to find a partner that can meet up with my ‘Weird’ Sexual Fantasies and drive I want to b smacked, tied up and all dat shit in bed …..

  • Honestly my pain threshold is rather minimum but I must confess if I get a good teacher lover who is willing to be patient I may just consider trying BDSM, been researching around it. The pain freaks me out, any pain but I am curious truth be told and will definitely try it someday in the distant future!

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