Naija Twirra is an excellent place to delve into the mind of and discover the true intentions of the “African male”. Nigerian men seem to be very open and unshy when it comes to expressing their more visceral desires.
Yes, I know there is no such thing as the typical African male. What a man from Mali expects from his partner will frequently differ from what the indigenous Congolese man desires. However, you will find commonalities amongst all men of all races in one regard: some just want sex, sans attachments and/or commitments. Now the question becomes how do they achieve that?
I was sitting on Twirra when I chanced upon a string that left me horrified…and grateful. The options from the dating pool seem to have lowered in quality over the past few years, and gives me cause for concern for all who seek a mate – or mere fuck buddy – in these trying times. Anyway, the thread was initiated by a 20-something Nigerian guy who wanted to know how he could have sex with a woman (or women) without having to go through the fuss of a relationship. Here is a sample of the responses:
Tell her from the start you want marriage, get your sex and then break up.
No girl would ever agree to such an agreement. Play the relationship card to get into her pants.
This is not possible.
Oh my God! You see? This is how feelings get hurt, Yoruba men get a certain global reputation, and tires get slashed! Why all this deception and intention to cause harm? Is it because it is so hard to believe that there are actually some women who have no interest in a man beyond his dick? Because (it’s shocking, I know), there are many such women who have no interest in a long term relationship…or any relationship at all.
Fortunately, a man who goes by ‘Olu’ on twitter jumped into the feed to advise his younger – and obviously less experienced – counterparts that this cloak and dagger approach to procuring pussy was unnecessary. If these men just accepted that there are women who want the same thing they do, their lives would go along much easier. But then, that’s the problem isn’t it? I truly believe that many men suffer an incompatible duality of need where they want to have sex with no requirements, but can’t imagine having sex with a woman who didn’t NEED or love them. That’s a “whore”, isn’t it?
Wrong.
There are plenty of women who have jobs, and lives, and dreams as well as physical, sexual, orgasm inducing needs. None of that has anything to do with roses on her birthday or three hour phone calls late into the night. We live in a busy society, and sometimes she needs needs to hit it and quit it. Men say this is what they want, but few are equipped to handle the emotional distancing and shut out that women have been conditioned to expect for years. I also find it interesting that so many men would feel it necessary to rob a woman of her choice just to fulfill an immediate need or curiosity he harbored. That’s just thoughtless and inconsiderate!
So let’s answer the question. Assuming that the woman in question wants to have sex with him as well, what should a man say if he just wants to have sex with a woman? What would approach would ensure his best chance of success? And furthermore, what approach should a woman use to get the same result?
PS: I can’t wait to hear what advice AM gives! LOL!
Malaka Grant is a published author and vlogger. Check out her current work online at Books by Malaka.com
5 comments On If a Man Just Wants to Sleep With a Woman, How Should He Approach Her?
Read your weather well and you will know what to do. No two situations are the same.Comlunication is key. Lead her on to oprn up and she will let u kkow her prioriities and preferences. Then, u will know if u want to proceed and how.
it is difficult, but from my experience we just have sex without defining our relationship because most of the women are in a relationship. I make sure people don’t see us together.
I think the thing for me as a red-hot blooded woman would be, ‘How to Hit It, Quit It and Not Have The Man Carry My Name About As A Ho Because Po Lil’ Tink Tink Gots Dem Feelings Hurt’.
Long title, but you get what I mean. These thoughts would have be reaching for one of my vibrators and a Morris Chestnut/Taye Diggs poster. MMmmm. The mens dem fine, okay? ANyway, the point it, I don’t want gossip at all. Anything that will bring my parents’ names into disrepute is a no-no.
However, in an ideal world, I would prefer a guy to come up and tell me, “I think you’re this and this and I would like to have sex with you. But first, let us get to know one another. Buy you a drink?” That way we both know what the end game is, BEFORE we start. I’ve never had me a bit of strange so, some groundwork is nice. I don’t need to know your whole life history. Only that you won’t hold a knife to my neck and rob/rape me.
“I think you’re this and this and I would like to have sex with you. But first, let us get to know one another. Buy you a drink?” That way we both know what the end game is, BEFORE we start. I’ve never had me a bit of strange so, some groundwork is nice. I don’t need to know your whole life history. Only that you won’t hold a knife to my neck and rob/rape me.”..Aptly said Nnenna. In my single years this was my exact approach. I failed at a lot of game but I won some too and since the score was known, it was all good when it came the time to leave it alone. There were a few stressful situations though when someone wanted to alter the rules of engagement but at least I always had that initial conversation to refer to
I find your blog interesting. On this subject, I’d say because of the culture in which we find ourselves, many women will express surprise and react in shock when a man makes such a request. Interestingly, the same or even worse will go for the man, when a woman makes a “direct” request. It takes a very liberated mindset not to overact.