‘Consent – For Us Who Like It Rough’ by Suhaida Dramani

I love sex.

I love all kinds of sex. From the slow, full, thorough thrusts with deep, exploring tongues inside wet hungry mouths to the fast, furious, clothes shredding, back scratching, pounding, punishing strokes which leave you at the breathless brink of tense muscles fighting to break, you’re so sure you’d lose your mind if you dare cum. And when you do cum, it’s the scariest, most thrilling thing.

I’ve heard myself in the throes of passion sound like I was hurting. I’ll be honest, there’s some pain there… but the kind I like. When I start thinking of how I sound, I try to unsuccessfully control it. Because I’m thinking “Am I really hurting?” “How’s my partner taking this?” “Why isn’t he checking in on me?” There have been times, I get so overwhelmed, I actually panic and freeze. Then my immobility freaks me out more and I don’t even know what’s happening anymore.

(I just thought, with all the sex I’ve been having, I might get more traffic if I blogged each experience. Here for it 🙂 )

In many of these cases, my sexual partners are people I who I feel completely safe and comfortable with. Who I know with the slightest indication, will stop. And we don’t always start out thinking “this is gonna be a rough, hard bang” it sorta just… goes there.

With these things being said, I’ve come away from some experiences feeling violated. And I’ve come from similar experiences feeling very very satisfied.

Giving our consent and being able to withdraw it at anytime is what creates a safe, and fun atmosphere for enjoyable sex for all parties involved. I realized from many of these instances that with longtime lovers, we almost have a mechanism. We are so aware of each other that we know exactly when things move from “I so want this” to “I’m not so sure anymore”. It’s a little tricky with new lovers. I found it is important to talk first. To say how I like it and how my moods could change from wanting it fast to wanting it slow to not wanting it anymore. In a perfect world, the more active partner during intercourse needs to always check in to make sure the experience is equally pleasurable. Checking in doesn’t always have to be verbal, but needs to be clearly understood.

Consent is not just a legal term used to draw the line between sex and rape. It’s not just here to classify rapists from sexual partners. It’s an important pleasure instrument. If you wanna keep fucking someone, you gotta make sure their time with you is fucking amazing and they can’t fucking get enough of you. Ignoring them throughout the experience is bound to leave you on the cold side of a closed door.

So, for those who like it rough, I strongly urge you to have that conversation. For those who don’t, it still wouldn’t hurt to talk about it.