To yoni or not to yoni

I booked a yoni massage yesterday. I’m not sure what my expectations were, or maybe that was the issue, I had been primed to have my mind blown. The masseur had said to me over whatsapp that 3 or 4 orgasms were fine within a session, and that women had been brought to tears from experiencing his service. A yoni massage would cost me GHS400, and a swedish massage was GHS200. I decided to book the former.

A couple of things I really appreciated about Ransford (who describes himself as a pleasure therapist). He was open and upfront about the services he offers. He stated that he does “…relaxation and sensual massages, and if they are open and consent for certain erogenous zones to be manipulated by me, the therapist, then I take them to experience all the orgasms they thought was a myth.” I liked the use of the word consent, that was important to me, and made me feel that Ransford wouldn’t cross established boundaries. 

Our session was scheduled for Thursday at 8pm. At 8:14pm Ransford sent a whatsapp to say he was at my gate. Okay he was a few minutes late but I wasn’t mad. We sat down for a few minutes in my living room and I asked him a couple of questions.

How long have you been working as a masseur for?

7 years?

And when did you start doing yoni massages?

To be honest I cannot remember what his answer was. In any case I felt comfortable enough to proceed with our appointment and led the way to my room. Ransford went to the bathroom to wash his hands, whilst I took off my clothes and lay on my bed. I’d felt a kink in my back the whole day (I suspect from swimming earlier in the morning), and so I told him about it. I actually needed a proper massage. He said he’d work on it. When I have my usual masseur (no yoni tings with him, he’s a dear old man) come over. I lie on the edge of my bed, and he stands over me and massages me. I also keep my underwear on, but in this case I knew there would be no point to that. When Ransford came over to the bed, he asked if I could move to the middle of the bed. I did. He took off his shoes and positioned himself above me on the bed. Hmmm, that’s interesting I thought. Kinda reminds me of what Thai masseuses do. He then asked me, “How would you like your oil dripped?” I thought that was an odd question but I should have clearly said moderately because by the end of the session I felt I was covered in way too much oil. But at least it smelt great. Shout out to the baobab oil from Naya. 

He proceeded to massage my back for about 20-30 minutes. That overall felt good. Ransford is a buff looking guy who clearly spends a lot of time at the gym, and so there was something interesting about having him hovering above me to rub my back. During that time he also spent some time massaging my butt cheeks which felt really nice. Most of the time when I have massages my arse cheeks get completely skipped over but they hold tension too! And then he asked me to turn over on my stomach and lie down such that my shoulders were facing him. He rubbed my shoulders some more, and then went to the other side of the bed, and started to massage my feet. That felt good too. I especially hold a lot of tension in my hamstrings. And then he said, “I’m going to start being more sensual”. I really appreciated that heads up. I also took it as another way of affirming consent. I said okay, and then he started sucking on my toes. That was definitely unexpected, but felt really good. Most lovers never focus on the toes. I don’t even blame them because I have never sucked anybody’s toes, but I always enjoy having mine sucked. What he also did that was different was a sort of nibbling action along my feet. I liked that. I have to say that all of this time I wasn’t really giving any feedback. If I was with a lover I would have had my eyes open, and would have been super encouraging when anything was pleasurable. But because I knew this was a job, and I didn’t want to create a false sense of intimacy, I had my eyes closed throughout, and was assessing him in my mind. From time to time my mind would wander to think about something else that I really needed to remember to do later on that week. At some point in time he started massaging my clit, and slipping a finger in and out of my vagina. I couldn’t help but think, “I hope this oil doesn’t give me a yeast infection”. His clit game felt okay but it wasn’t rocking my world. And then he went down on me. That was a surprise. I hadn’t realised that this was part of the menu of options. A part of me felt this was him really wanting to pull out all the tricks in his book to please me. My mind went back to former fun times with my ex when he would joke and ask if my orgasm was in Paga. For those who don’t know, Paga is in the Northern region of Ghana, I live in Accra, the Southern part of the country. That was our joke about those days when the other party was going to have to work really hard in order for the other to orgasm. I knew I wasn’t going to cum. Curiosity had made me book the session but I wasn’t that into it. I knew I would cum quicker and harder with any of my toys. I knew my lover would have made me cum in an instance. I needed more connection, and to be more into the guy and the experience to cum. It just wasn’t going to happen. And so eventually I said to Ransford, “it’s fine”, handed over my envelope and thanked him for coming over.
Ransford didn’t quite do it for me but I think I wasn’t his ideal audience. When we had been chatting earlier he told me that there were women whose partners don’t touch them, or are in really conservative relationships. I can see how this will be a better arrangement for them. If you meet that spec, or you’re curious holla at Ransford via Instagram or reach him via 024 148 8250